Techromance

The Best of Techromance in 2011

2011-12-18T21:57:00.000-05:00

2011 has been a hell of year for Techromance! From American Psycho-esque emails circulating on the web, to depressing divorces where twitter handles are part of the collateral damage--here is a round up of the hottest Techromance moments of the year.

1. BEST HASTAG: #ThingslongerthanKimsmarriage
You can't talk about the past year without talking about Kim's FairyFAIL wedding. Within hours of the announcement Twitter's trending hashtag #Thingslongerthankimsmarriage allowed all of us to join in on the cyber-trashing. Here is a gallery of some of the funniest ones from the Gloss

2. DOUCHIEST EMAIL: Banker goes Ballistic for a Second Date
At a time when the entire world had reached a boiling point with privilege and entitlement, an investment banker sent a pompous email to a girl after being rejected for a second date. His self-important, bullying tone captures everything wrong with the 1% and becomes living proof that women still dump men with money in NYC. Win!

3. MOST PUNABLE MOMENT: Weinergate
Last June Anthony Weiner was not the first politician to be caught in a sex(ting) scandal, but he was the first politician with the name Weiner to be caught in a sex(ting) scandal. The results: internet hilarity + a moment for politicians to rethink their twitter literacy.

4. MOST INSPIRING MOMENT: Gay Marriage Passes in NY, Joy + Wedding Photos Follow
July 24th, 2011 was the first day that same sex couple could get married in NY and waves of happiness reverberated on the web. My favorite moments were happy Facebook statuses from friends sharing that their decade long relationships were now legally recognized, along with beautiful photos of couples making the traditional wedding ceremony their own. Here is a full gallery of nuptials curated by the Huffington Post and check out these two foxes below!

John and Lou in Beirut, 1952, and in 2006.

(Photo: Courtesy of Lou Halsey and John Morgan) via NYMag

5. HOTTEST NEWCOMER: Google+
Though it's a social network, not a dating site, every time a girl asks me where she can go to meet guys outside of the usual dating sites, I exclaim Google+. With a gender split of 70% male to 30% female, Google+ is where the boys are on the web. Ps: That's Pete Cashmore, CEO and founder of Mashable for anyone who is wondering.

6. MOST PUBLICLY (DEPRESSING) DISPLAY OF AFFECTION: @mrskutcher

Was anyone surprised when Demi and her man-cub Ashton Kutcher split this year? Hell no. But what we weren't prepared for was how she held on to the relationship via Twitter. Just 3 weeks ago she shared a tweet so tender and honest, I almost stopped wanting to call her out for those ridiculously air brushed Ann Taylor ads.

As for what's come in the new year? I vote people under 35 will spend less time on Facebook and we will see a Law and Order episode based on a crime committed via Foursquare. No one ever said I was an optimist! What do you all predict?

Thanks for reading and for a fun year! May your holiday be filled with lots of love and new gadgets!

Google Images is a Total Peach

2011-11-30T22:33:00.001-05:00

Good things happen when you use Google images for reasons other than stalking people. I was looking for an image of a pit for a power point slide and stumbled on this gem.

Post Card from the Edge

2011-11-22T21:24:00.000-05:00

The other night I came home from a late dinner with some girlfriends and found the following postcard above the mailboxes in my lobby. I can't remember the last time I sent or received a postcard but there was something sweet in this analog mess that fascinated me--maybe because it reads like a drunken text.

I've probably read it a hundred times but cannot, for the life of me, figure out WTF Schmoops is talking about. Since I live in Murray Hill I'm guessing the "to Schmoops" and "love Schmoops" references a pair of twenty-something single female friends. But as for the rest of it, perhaps I should start drinking shots of 151 until it makes sense. Does anyone else have a clue? Leave me your hypothesis in the comments and I will reward the best conspiracy with a fun Techromance swag bag in time for the holidays.

Let me know!

Love,
Schmoops

The Problem with Fairy Tales

2011-11-02T23:10:00.000-04:00

I was going to resist the temptation of talking about Kim Kardashian's divorce all together. I made it through the first day when Ryan Seacrest broke the news on twitter and #thingslongerthankimsmarriage became a trending topic. I made it through the second day when Mashable recapped the most dramatic tweets in reaction to the end of her 72 day ~~sabbatical~~ marriage. But today when she published a blog post about the split in her own words I decided that I was finally allowed to open my mouth. Of all the statements she makes the one that I highlighted below annoys me the most.

Falling in love is easy. Staying in love is hard. Fairy tales emphasize the falling in love part, the part where you have sex twice a day and get butterflies in your stomach when you see that person's name in your inbox. But that's not really the part of love that needs romancing. The more significant part of a relationship comes after the altar and after you ride off into the sunset, or in the case of my favorite movie, a lawn mower (bonus points if you know I'm talking about Ronnie Miller). And that's the problem with fairy tales, they place importance on the wrong part of a relationship and end where the real story begins. Damn you Snow White and Taylor Swift!

Mistexts We Make

2011-10-25T19:05:00.000-04:00

The other day I texted a girlfriend who I haven't chatted with in a while and typed "Hey lazy!" instead of "Hey lady." This social fail isn't so uncommon as I learned recently from the blog Damn You Auto Correct by Jillian Madison -- a curated collection of some of the world's most hilarious and embarrassing ~~mistexts~~ mistakes. For anyone that thinks my lazy comment was bad, check out some of the doozies on her blog. Here's my favorite in the spirit of Halloween week.

Anyone else have any good ones? Browse more blunders in her book Damn You Auto Correct on Amazon.

She's Just Not That Into You

2011-10-13T20:13:00.000-04:00

This week a few unfortunate conversations with guy friends left me with a fortunate thought for women everywhere -- she's just not that into you could be the new he's just not that into you.

Although I felt for these blokes, the forever single girl in me was mildly satisfied to observe a power shift and watch guys, like many girls before them, fish for excuses for not getting their affections returned. Now when women make excuses for guys not showing them love they generally channel their creative problem solving skills to come up with reasons why. But when the tables are turned, I've heard guys hypothesize that perhaps the girl is just making them work for it. But most likely this is NOT the case. So for all my male readers and friends, she is not playing ultra hard to get -- she's just not that into you.

She's Just Not That Into You If...

1. She responds to your text messages as "who's this" because she hasn't programmed you into her phone

2. You have a lot of "Hi"s with blank spaces under them directed to her on Facebook chat

3. She never bothers to cook you anything

4. She never bothers to pay for anything

5. Her ex boyfriend plays bass in a band you have actually seen in concert

6. You say "we need to go out." She says "definitely." You say "Wednesday?" She never responds.

7. She needs another "girls" night

8. She doesn't show up to your birthday party or comment on your photos from it

9. You try and sext her and she responds "LOL"

10. Her name is Amelie or Noel

11. The thought of you, her and third base immediately conjures up associations with ZogSports

12. She's going to have a "big night" Saturday, but could be up to hang with you on Sunday

Ladies, do you agree?

E-motional Rescue

2011-09-27T23:46:00.002-04:00

Today GOOD magazine wrote a post about Emotional Bag Check, a website that allows you to dump your baggage digitally while enabling a stranger to pick it up--and pick you up--by DJing you an appropriate song. Obviously fascinated, I sent a stranger Dirt off Your Shoulder by JayZ when I picked up his baggage about trying to shake a creepy ex.

The site seems to be catching on and notes on the home page that it is secretly a music site and is currently powered by Grooveshark. Noticeably missing from the list are some of my favorite feel better songs: I Feel It All (Feist), You Got the Love (Florence & the Machine) and Emotional Rescue (Rolling Stones). What ones would you add?

Post Whore-tem Emails Are the New Brunch

2011-09-24T14:26:00.002-04:00

Even though my inbox over floweth -- when I see the subject: Why do I have a bite mark on my ass? from a close girlfriend that is traveling abroad, I stop dead in my tracks. Why, you ask? Because I know it's got nothing to do with mosquitos, and between jobs, internships, law school and significant others, getting girls together for a post mortem Sunday brunch is as likely as a guy giving you cab fare for the way home after a sleep over.

Naturally the next best thing is an email recap, cause let's face it, sharing these stories with even your most intimate Google+ circles still seems too risky. Check out a post whore-tem email recap I got from one of my favorite women on the planet! You. Cannot. Make. This. Shit. Up.

I thought you said in the Bible, "thou shall not be tempted beyond what thou can bear"?

I went to XXXX bar last night [minding my own business] when in walks a hottie Mc-Hot-ass [this was not my fault]
I walk over and sit at the bar where he is standing and comment to him about the band.

He makes a joke.

[What's that? Do I detect an accent?]

Where are you from? I ask.

He responds: Barcelona.
[You had me at Ba..]

Deets: 39, dark hair, giant brown eyes, stubble, smelled great, hilarious sense of humor

He begins to buy drinks, there is some unnecessary / extremely welcomed touching of the knees, arms at the bar.

Bar is closing, he says "will we go for another drink?
I say "Is there a bar at your hotel?" [slut]

We take a cab to his hotel. [kissing in the cab]

Enter the hotel [making out in the elevator]

Proceed directly pass the bar.

Enter the room. [clothes flying off, no joke that shit was like an Axe commercial]

[Mating scene deleted - it was HOT], rinse, repeat.

At this point for some reason [so I can prove it to myself? pinch me! / for posterity / because it's hilarious??? to show you all?] I tell him I'm going to take his picture. [see attached]

He laughs. I snap. He says "Ay! I look terrible!"
Nap. rinse repeat, round 3.

Who do I think I am? I ask as I'm grinning in the bathroom mirror at 8 am / contemplating pocketing all of the aveda products that are complementary at his hotel I resist, because THAT'S tacky which is way worse than slutty.

Get dressed. Kiss him good-bye, and head to the street car ice-coffee in hand, giggling like a school girl.

I feel like I've been horseback riding. Yes, I said HORSE.

Love and kisses,

Truth and Lies Online

2011-09-13T22:55:00.000-04:00

My new web hero is Justin Barber, a student at Savannah College of Art and Design. He unleashed a series of posters titled Truth and Lies that capture the paradox of what we say vs what we actually think in modern times. From Facebook tagging to telling people we'll brb even when we have no intention of returning to the conversation, the posters highlight how technology makes it easier than ever to lie especially when someone is pushing our buttons, so to speak. Love this guy!

Breaking Up with Your Twenties & Other Tales

2011-09-07T21:12:00.001-04:00

Pardon the shameless plug, but I wanted to share something I'm proud of with you. Nancy Martira, friend, web goddess and word genius rallied a group of us 30-something gals to write essays about turning the big 30. After months of serving as our our fearless leader and editor, yesterday she published our book on Blurb. The collection is titled What Remains: Women Reflect on 30 and includes an essay I authored called Breaking Up with Your Twenties. Click below to read more and purchase a copy. The best part? All profits from the book sale will go to help the Girl Effect, a cause near and dear to all of our hearts! Read on and rock on 30+ women everywhere!!!!!!!!!!!

Special thanks to the all of the amazing contributors, I'm honored to be in your company.

How Much Remains by Nancy Martira | Make Your Own Book

Talk to Me (or Text Me)

2011-09-02T00:38:00.001-04:00

To close the summer, Museum of Modern Art is hosting an exhibit called Talk to Me, chronicling how people communicate with objects. From showcasing an interesting hand written code that was shared between homeless people to mark safe shelters in the 1900s to paying homage to the "human experience" of smart phones, the exhibit got me thinking about why it is so much easier to relate honestly to objects of technology instead of the objects of our affection.

Talk to Me highlights how overtime, people make objects more and more human to enhance our experiences with them. Think about it, the slightest human touch on ATMs, GPS and alarm clocks can make them feel more civilized and interactive. But, ironically, when it comes to romance, we use objects to make our experiences less human, so we can open up more.

Online dating profiles are a great example. It has become almost normal to pour the intimate details of who we are and what we are hoping for onto a computer screen, but could you imagine actually articulating this information on a first or date? "Hi I'm Jewels, I work hard and play hard and am looking for a non-smoker who drinks occasionally, makes six figures and has a soft spot for REM. Additionally, I'm looking for a love that makes me want to jump out of the bed some mornings and never leave it other mornings. Did I mention he has to LOVE children and support my career?"

The offline dating game can be filled with pretense, obscurity and the infamous battle of HTG (hard to get). A funny game considering the purpose of dating is actually to be "gotten" in the end. Just think about the close of a date when you stumble through an awkward good-bye only two get a schmoopie text 5 minutes later saying "had so much fun, do it again?" Why is it so much easier to talk to your Iphone then to look in someone's eyes and speak honestly?

Talk to me about what you think...via comments of course. Talk to Me: through November 7th at MOMA, 11 West 53rd Street NY, NY.

Trashing Your Ex Online

2011-08-09T08:38:00.001-04:00

No one has ever gotten in trouble for talking sh*t about their ex, but if you write sh*t about your ex, well that's a different story. This week a man named Anthony Morelli, from Bucks County, PA was ordered to take down his blog because of the negative things he was saying about his ex wife. The blog titled The Psycho Ex Wife--attracted 200K visitors per month and provided a forum for people to share stories about their PEWS (psycho ex wives). While he didn't mention his ex wife by name, he included biting comments about her appearance, personality and child rearing skills. See below for an excerpt.

She’s on the precipice of 40 and probably looks all 50-years of it. Imagine if you will, Jabba The Hut, with less personality. She spends her time ... drinking her days away bemoaning her victim status, when she isn’t stuffing the children with fast food, buying them toys, or pushing them towards the TV or computer.

While his primary defense is freedom of speech, this still feels like adult cyber-bullying, since he is not blogging anonymously. Plus he has two kids aged 8 and 10, who can clearly access the internet and read what he is saying. Can't he just get his issues out in a healthier forum--like a bar? What do you think? Is this guy a total a-hole or is it his constitutional right to use his blog to trash talk his ex?

Bridezillas on Facebook

2011-08-04T00:02:00.004-04:00

It's wedding season and I'm pretty sure I have received more wedding invites and save the dates in the mail this summer than Chinese take out menus. That being said, I'm in full support of toasting the happy couples especially since that now extends to all of my gay friends in NYC.

Now it's always been typical for brides to get a bit carried away with their weddings--but with Facebook and social media at their fingertips there seems to be a new frontier for over sharing, counting down and "gently" reminding guests to book hotel rooms. But these Bridezillas 2.0 aren't the only ones in need of wedding netiquette--grooms and guests could also use some guidance. So what are the rules for tying the knot in a digital era? The line between tasteful and tacky can be subjective, but I've taken a stab at some "I Dos and Don'ts" based on observations from the past 11 weddings I've attended. What do you think?

For Brides and Grooms:

For Guests:

Reading Between the Lines of a Breakup Email

2011-07-07T23:21:00.001-04:00

Reading between the lines of a breakup can be difficult and confusing. Reading between the lines of a breakup email can be painfully clear. Why you ask? Because unlike a live breakup, when you get dumped over email you can pour over every word like it's evidence from an episode of the Killing, forward to friends for "unbiased" advice--and my personal favorite--delete in from your main email account, but not before forwarding it to a secondary email account for safe keeping.

The funny thing about breakup emails is that in an attempt to create less drama they often create more. At their worst they can become a self indulgent rambling that makes the dumper feel like they have "closure" while the dumpee feels like they just got dumped and ran over with emotional vomit at the same time, which can happen after a relationship. But is all this drama necessary after just 3 dates? The answer is yes, according to an OK Cupid breakup email that surfaced on Gawker today. Long story short, a guy and girl went out a handful of times and to end things the guy sent this Gettysburg Address of an email giving a blow by blow of what was flawed about their dynamic. Check out my "read between the lines" interpretation in orange and judge for yourself.

See a Girl Faking It on eHarmony

2011-06-23T20:56:00.000-04:00

In case you didn't get the memo, the Debbie Loves Cats eHarmony video circulating on the web is a spoof, albeit a very convincing one. While I was on vacation last week eHarmony graciously responded to the video and let us know it was a fake. Mainly because they don't use video profiles.

Basically the girl poses as a busty MBA grad with a LOT of feelings, who's looking for love on eHarmony. It's hilarious and in my opinion tops Lindsey Lohan's fake EHarmony video with Funny or Die from 2009. If you haven't seen it yet, add to the 10 million views (and cat jokes) by watching it now.

Awesome Parenting on Facebook

2011-06-09T14:44:00.000-04:00

If this is what being a good parent means, I should definitely start making some babies. Thank you Digg community for showing us that there is a time and place for bullying and exists on your child's newsfeed when they are being an a$$hole themself.

He Gives Bad Text

2011-06-06T21:07:00.000-04:00

Technology continues to fill in the gaps in our sex lives and relationships. In fact, the rate feels like it's accelerating. Last week I was struck with horror at Cloud Girlfriends, a service that lets guys create fake girlfriends on Facebook. But just when I was starting to think that even the virtual dating world exists through a male lens, I discovered Text Boyfriend a site that lets the ladies fulfill their Techromance fantasies with 3 texts a week from a digital BF. Their website exclaims that for just $1.99 a week women can get "Just the perfect amount of sweetness -- no overtexting, no drama. He's fun and cute and he's all about you!"

Freaking hilarious and actually insightful, especially given the sad state of text messages that get sent to women these days. To see just how low a guy will go when it comes to texting, I asked the sassiest bloggodessses out there to share some of the worst text messages they have ever received.

Miss Taylorcast of the Urban Dater:

"hi, i am busy this evening dear. maybe tomorrow you can come over and ride me."

"I am expecting to get yelled at so just text me. I won't pick up if you call. I called you a bitch cause you were being one."

MissMelissaMae

"So wt u bin up too?"

"Heyy miss hws lyfe treatn u?"

"When kan we fuck"

SingleMuch:

"Too bad you don't like dirty pics, would show you how hard I am."

"Come over. lol."

Some of the gems I have received:

"leaving work soon, pour a glass of wine so it's ready for me"

"F-that she went back to Hoboken, be home soon" (a mistaken text I received from a guy after I took a cab back to Hoboken after our date)

All I can say is these guys give bad text! Although Text Boyfriend might not be a substitute for a real man at least he serves to remind us of the good things that should come. PS: Just realized if you remove the words Text Boyfriend from that sentence I could be talking about a vibrator.

The Positive Facebook Effect

2011-06-01T20:41:00.001-04:00

This week All Facebook.com and Online Dating University released an infographic to sort out all the ways that Facebook affects personal relationships. The full data visualization is on Mashable, but the portion that focuses on romantic relationships can be seen below. While I appreciate the efforts, I have to be honest, it's a bit of downer, focusing more on the negative aspects like jealousy, public humiliation and stalking exes.

Now you know that I'm no Suzy Sunshine, but what about all the positive things Facebook does for your romantic life? Consider this spin backlash to the Facebook backlash or blame it on one of my fave bloggers Jen Kirsch of BlondeBronzedTwentySomething for starting a string on twitter to celebrate how you know when a guy is into you--but today I am inspired to write about the positive aspects of Facebook. In addition to giving us the ability to flirt with multiple prospects and fact check people we meet on dating sites it can even show us if a guy really "likes" us. How, you ask? Just read between the lines:

1. He writes on your friends' walls for their birthdays

2. He Facebook chats you the moment you log on

3. He tags himself in your photo albums

4. He tags you in his Facebook places updates

5. He defriends his ex in a show of solidarity

6. He makes the two of you his profile picture

7. He writes overly optimistic status updates after your dates (ex: "never noticed how beautiful the NYC skyline is at dusk" or "Does anyone else love that Raise Your Glass song?")

8. His mom friends you (see MILFS - Moms I Like to Facebook)

Cloud Girlfriends Take Douche Bagery Up a Notch

2011-05-24T17:59:00.000-04:00

In case you haven't heard there is a new dating site for men that takes douche bagery to the next level. It's called Cloud Girlfriend and it encourages guys to flaunt fake relationships online. The idea started as a service for men that would create fake Facebook girlfriends to make other women in their social network jealous by writing on their walls, linking to them and crafting witty status updates about their "life" together. The founder, David Fuhriman, said he was ~~desperate~~ inspired to create the service after the realization that all a guy needs to get a girlfriends is to already have one. And here I thought all a guy needed to get a girl was a bank account and the ability to act out Jon Mayer songs under the blankets.

In any event, while it was in beta last month, 85,000 guys registered for a ~~Fakebook~~ Facebook girlfriend and had their digital dreams shattered when Facebook lawyers came after them because fake profiles are not allowed on the site. Now Cloud Girlfriends are living on their own URL and the site resembles something more like second life than social networking.

Although it made the users sound like ass hats I kind of liked the Can't By Me Love 2.0 version better where guys could BYOGF for the sake of looking popular. The new iteration just sounds like something Japanese men might do with a pillow. Dear guys, it's time to get your head out of the clouds and your a$$! No one would believe you are actually dating Cindy Mancini.

Is Social Media a Loop Hole for Cheating?

2011-05-16T18:09:00.003-04:00

While technology is often the catalyst that helps bring two people together, it can also be the thing that can ultimately tear them apart. Now we've all heard horror stories of techromance gone bad. Finding disturbing pornography on a significant other's computer, discovering an account they use to troll Craigslist for encounters in airport bathrooms and of course the email hack where you find out they boned their college sweetheart at the wedding where they were conveniently invited without a date. But there is also a more subtle form of cheating that can take place online--one that is almost more disturbing because it is less defined and harder to navigate. It happens in the form of comments, messages and tweets exchanged, a kind of digital flirting that creates a sense of intimacy that is questionable for someone in a relationship.

Photo via TechCunch and @adanzis

A Facebook study by the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers found 80 percent of divorce attorneys say they have seen an increase in the number of cases using social networking evidence during the past five years. Licensed psychologists, Steven Kimmons, PhD, of Loyola University shares the following: "We are coming across it more and more. One spouse connects online with someone they knew from high school. The person is emotionally available and they start communicating through Facebook. Within a short amount of time, the sharing of personal stories can lead to a deepened sense of intimacy, which in turn points the couple to get in contact."

On twitter I see the worlds of tweeting and flirting colliding more every day. There is even a word for it called flittering and some users will go as far as warning against this kind of behavior in their twitter bio.

These anecdotes and examples lead me to the question of the hour: is it still cheating if the relationship only exists on Facebook, Twitter or another social networking site? To get my head around this loaded topic I reached out to Meryl Cooper, a wise friend and author of Be Your Own Best Publicist. I figured if anyone could bring social clarity to a subjective situation it would be her. During a train ride conversation we talked about the difference between fantasy and reality and she shared the following: "You are dealing with edited images of people that go way beyond photos. People manufacture their images online so it's easy to fall prey. But recognize it's likely more of a fantasy, you aren't seeing any warts. It's the same reason you fall in love with Jake Ryan or other charming figures. They key is to draw the line for yourself. If you feel uneasy about it or would hide it from your partner you probably ventured into dangerous territory."

Maybe there is just something about technology and sex that is almost impossible to separate. But where does that lead us? My advice: keep your online "friends" close but you significant other closer.

IvyDate: Less Obnoxious Than a Winklevoss Twin

2011-05-03T19:52:00.001-04:00

I have this pet peeve when people start dating someone new and mention where they went to college before they even mention if the person is hot, cool or fun. So when I heard about IvyDate, a new dating site for Ivy Leaguers and the singles that chase them, my initial reaction was to hate. But, after chatting with the two founders, and Harvard Alum, Phillip Triebel and Beri Meric, I was pleasantly surprised. What I thought would be one of the most superficial sites in the online dating spectrum, actually turned out to be one of the least. Here is a hint why: you can’t browse photos. For more details check out my Q&A with the founders below.

Where did you get the idea for IvyDate?
We thought there was a gap in the market and wanted to create a dating site for the "scholastically oriented" focusing on the values of education and intellectual curiosity. We think these are great qualifiers for a potential mate.

What about The Right Stuff, isn’t that a dating site for people that went to top schools?
Ivydate is a little different for a few reasons. 1) In addition to Ivy Leaguers we accept interested singles who appreciate and value learning. 2) Our site is not set up as a searchable database. Once you're accepted onto the site, we match you with the people in your city that you are most compatible with.

The average acceptance rate for Ivy League schools is around 9%? How do you get accepted to IvyDate?
We have a membership committee that reviews applicants and then we send members matches like a matchmaker. People get in as long as they have an interesting and lively profile that speaks to who they are. On your application we ask questions about your personality, life goals, occupation, values, hobbies and passions.

So how do looks come into play? Your Getty images girl here is pretty much a smoke train.
We do not judge looks during the application or matching process. We match based on our proprietary compatibility software. Then once you get matches to your inbox you can decide if you want to reach out to them (three photos are included). This process gives our users a more curated and selective experience. Our database cannot be searched so users can also enjoy more privacy.

What do you say to people that think we are all too focused on resume dating? Like where people went to school and what they do for a living?
The qualities we promote are not exclusive to Ivy League alum. The reality is people want to find compatibility, get married and have a happy family life. On the path to that you have to start narrowing it down somewhere. If you are going online there are huge pools of people to choose from and it's overwhelming. We are trying to help users by connecting them with other people that have passion, determination and intellectual curiosity. These are positive things and important qualities for a mate.

You both sound adorable, are you guys single?
(Laughter). Yes. We are both single.

So you must be on the site then, right?
No we are not going to be included in the dating pool. We are focused on growing the user base in advance of our soft launch this spring. This is serious business after all.

IvyDate is accepting applications now and will be launching faster than a Winklevoss rowing for the Smith Cup. Apply here, just don't call it a soft launch.

Are Dating Reviews the Next Frontier?

2011-04-25T22:19:00.003-04:00

We live in a recommendation based society. From finding restaurants, to hair dressers to new jobs, we solicit the advice of others to hedge our bets and make more informed opinions. Recently I read a term for it called social searching -- which refers to how now search engines are being effected by our social networks. This concept got me wondering: are dates the next logical thing to be reviewed and recommended? I can see it now, Linked In style: "Jewels recommends Mister wonderful: he's charismatic, driven and can really close the deal if you know what I mean..."

Although matchmaking and set-ups have always existed to help provide friends with recommendations while making it all feel a little less random, the proliferation of social media is making it easier and easier for us to weigh in on each others dating lives. Recently two friends of mine connected on an online dating site and realized, through Facebook, that I was their friend in common. I got an email from one asking the scoop on the other and of course I dished. But I began to wonder if maybe I should have kept my personal thoughts out of the public domain.

To see if dating reviews were in fact, the future I chatted with Ross Felix, founder of Dating Revolution, a soon to launch dating site that will enforce dater honesty with community feedback. He shared the following thoughts: "It's a double edged sword in several ways: The reviews you're going to trust the most are ones from your own friends. Reviews from their friends are meaningless. But that would mean that you're either dating your friends friends -- or worse, your friends' exes. Option #2 is more like Yelp -- where you're getting reviews from strangers -- but lets be honest, unless it's one of those odd things -- He was absolutely amazing -- but unfortunately he's developed an allergy to my cat -- why would someone be writing a positive review?"

Although a site to review dates has yet to emerge, a new site called Clique just launched which allows you to search your social networks and date people that are within three degrees of your network. So what's the net? Maybe we're spending too much time social searching and need to spend more time soulful searching, that is, forming are own opinions about what we want. But hey if you really don't have a clue, I guess tapping the wisdom of crowds makes sense. Or better yet, the wisdom of friends.

Infographic Porn

2011-04-19T22:01:00.003-04:00

This week a big thanks goes out to OK Cupid for creating an infographic that blends technology and dating, resulting in what I'll unhealthily refer to as infographic porn. Check out their chart below which plots the relationship span of a twitter user versus an average person. I'm actually surprised that the short form nature of twitter doesn't breed a mentality for even shorter term relationships...

For a laugh, I've also included some of my other faves as curated this week by Buzzfeed. In case you are wondering, vegetarians, ahem, really aren't anti-meat (check my math) and people that go to ivy league schools expect to have sex more. Not that they necessarily do. That all sound about right to me. What do you think?

Is Match.com the Olive Garden of Dating?

2011-04-12T00:02:00.083-04:00

There is absolutely no stigma in dating online, that is as long as you aren't using Match.com. Sure their commercials try to give compelling statistics like "more dates than on any other site"-- a stat as convincing as when Patti Stanger says she is a matchmaker "with a very high success rate" during the intro to The Millionaire Matchmaker.

So why has Match.com hit its tipping point for the young, hip, urban set? Think about Match.com as the Olive Garden of dating sites. Everyone gets in and everything on the menu is just okay. You eat the endless bowl of salad and breadsticks because it's there, not because it satisfies you. So what's the alternative? Well as the huddled masses have flocked to Match.com, more young, urban professionals have migrated to sites where they can have a more curated dating experience. It's sort of like going to a small under the radar bar or social club instead of hanging out at a chain restaurant. The fact that people know about it speaks to their level of taste and curiosity--plus you're not left flipping through an endless menu of options with the feeling that everything looks better than it actually is.

So without further adieu, here it is, a rundown of dating sites that give you an alternative from the norm and inject some much needed life into the category. Would you try one?

Alikewise: With the cute tag line "dating by the book," this site appropriately matches book nerds. Although a quick scan revealed more characters than hotties we all know judging a book by its cover can be a major no no. The upside? Meet a mate on here and they might actually understand your dog Daisy is not named after a MTV VJ from the 90s.

Taste Buds: Remember falling for someone because they made you a mix tape that changed your life? Okay that never happened to me, but I believe it happens to others. This site hooks you up with mates based on your favorite song. P.S. if you say it's written by Phoenix or The National expect some stiff competition.

Chirp Me: Started by two brothers and a friend, this site is actually an app that runs through Facebook and twitter pairing you with friends of friends that have similar dining sensibilities. Although the founders look more likely to Yaeger Bomb than to help create a more culturally aligned dating experience, the concept seems promising. If this site doesn't work their plan B is to create a dating site for New Yorkers with a 973 phone number.

Just Say No to Voicemail

2011-04-05T20:24:00.012-04:00

Nothing good ever comes of voicemail. I am convinced of it. I have gotten in trouble with multiple dates, friends and family members for not listening to or leaving messages. I figure if something is important, the person will text me (I recognize this can sound backwards to some people). But for those of you who are still prone to recording unrehearsed airtime to someone else's phone, I leave you with this EPIC Drunk Dial from a girl who thought she was leaving a message for a guy she met earlier that night. She wound up with the wrong number and left this voicemail for a random guy who shared it with the internet. Hey random guy -- thank you!

Warning: She sounds like she may be speaking pig Latin and uses the term "connection" more times than Season 3 of The Bachelor.

Big thanks to Like the Vodka blog for the tip-sy tip!

Why Dating Should Be More Like Twitter

2011-03-27T18:33:00.089-04:00

Lately I've been spending more and more time on twitter. In fact I'm kind of in love with it. The conversations just seem more crisp, timely, interesting and hilarious then on any other social networking site and with an almost 200% increase in the volume of tweets in the past year, clearly I am not the only one falling for the site. I would also argue that any place attracting that much action must be doing something right and it got me thinking that maybe we could all attract some more attention if we applied some of twitter's golden rules to our dating lives. So here they are -- the top 6 things we could learn from twitter to gain some offline "followers" and love. What do you think?

1. Stop Talking About Yourself: Have you ever been on a date where the person won't stop talking about their Hamptons share, their fantasy football league and how EPIC their last best man's speech was? Yeah well that would never happen on twitter. Talking about yourself all the time gets you unfollowed as fast as tweeting IN CAPS LOCKED.

2. Be Funny: On twitter humor rules and "pick up lines" that mention how sexy you look go straight into your SPAM file. If only the real world was that simple.

3. Build Relationships: Twitter teaches us an important lesson when it comes to relationships--they should be built BEFORE you want something from someone. Wouldn't it be great if potential suitors looked to really build a relationship with you before they decide to um text you at 2:00am and ask if you're wearing a black bra?

4. Recognize Looks Aren't Everything: Twitter is probably the least superficial of all social networking sites. Unlike Facebook, MySpace and Instagram your profile pic is tiny in comparison to your personality, point of view and taste.

5. Get to the point: We've all endured weeks of texting and emailing with potential love interests when we are forced to ask the question "why are you asking me what I'm eating for lunch but won't ask if you can take me to dinner?" By nature, twitter's word limit makes people say what's on their mind. (Hint twitter boys: asking a girl out is a great use of DMing). Afterall, how can you put your foot in your mouth in 140 characters?

6. Show the love: On twitter there is no questioning if someone likes you or not. If they do, you'll know about it because you'll get @replys, retweets and #Follow Fridays showing affection. Wouldn't it be great if you knew where you stood every Friday with potential love interests?

Is GroupMe the New Grope Me?

2011-03-18T15:36:00.035-04:00

Texting used to be a simple concept: a pure one to one communication that carried a message privately from person A to person B, but that of course has changed. Blame it on the we-centricity of web culture, a generation of crowd sourcers and the group mentality propogated by sites like Groupon and Living Social but the dynamic has shifted and our inboxes seem like they are becoming everyone else's business.

Although I was hanging in NXNE last week, the news of GroupMe found its way into my newsfeed and stream more times than I was asked "Are you going to South by?" over the past month (insert eye roll here). For those of you who haven't read about it, the concept is intuitive -- you create "groups" in your phone based on an event or interest so you can communicate to everyone at once instead of replying and answering the same question multiple times. Just think about all of the occasions where you are trying to text, email and BBM with friends about plans and everytime your phone "dadings" or vibrates you become more textually frustrated because instead of a potential honey asking you to meet up you get a message from a friend asking for cross streets.

That being said, I had an ah-ha recently realizing that the majority of texting that does happen today is some form of Group texting, not because it it supported by the GroupMe platform but because it is fueled by Group think. Here's an example. I was out with a group of co-ed friends last week and one of our girlfriends got a text message from a guy and naturally read it out loud turning her inbox into a seeminly outward conversation. The guy on the other end asked a simple "do I get to see you tonight?" But insetad of responding herself we all decided to weigh in and as she continued to chat back and forth with him their conversation was dictated by what we all had to say not what she really thought. Among circles of guy friends I have, it is almost common practice to forward emails from girls and have rounds of conversations (and laughs) about what the response or "strategy" should be. I'll even admit that I have been one to cut and paste hour long IM conversations with guys I have dated into emails to get a third party opinion from one of my friends. Is there strength in numbers or are we all clueless? Maybe the power of crowd sourcing our love lives takes some of the pressure off while giving us a platform to show our friends that we are desired by someone. Although I am not sure I have the answer in this post let it serve as a warning: from Groupon to GroupMe the way we think about our lives is often a result of Group think so think about that before you text someone to get your grope-on. I'd also reconsider any baby talk. It just never sounds good when it's read aloud.

A Life on Facebook

2011-03-10T22:53:00.050-05:00

At its worst life on Facebook can feel like you are competing for "ratings" in a reality show that you have constructed to represent your life. At its best it can be the most accurate account of our existence.

Supporting the latter is an amazing video edited to "Paint it Black" chronicling a man's life listed as Alex Droner. Between logging on to Facebook for the very first time to the final day he "logs off" -- he cycles through almost every romanTECH rite of passage: the first relationship status change, the first time he was tagged an incriminating photo, his first break up and eventually uploaded photos from his wedding and family life.

Although this account is poignant and pretty amazing, is following someone's Facebook stream really an accurate portrayal of their life? My first inclination was no, with the obvious arguement behind it, we are more than the content we share through our social media channels. But after further examination and scrutinizing the streams of my network (including my own newsfeed) I changed my answer.

Here's why: it's not only relationship declarations and vacation photos that reveal the stories of our lives--sometimes you need to read between the status updates. Recently I observed the newsfeed of a friend I've known for years but hadn't talked to directly. She was sharing quotes on personal strength and the path to happiness, when I clicked on her photos, results from a phenomenal weight loss were revealed. Another example: I looked through photo albums of a guy friend and could see a girl I never met in and out of his pictures for the past 24 months. Starting on his arm at a wedding in 2009, dropping out of photos for a while, reappearing on a trip to Europe, dropping out again and than surfacing in an album from this New Years Eve. My read between the status assement? It's complicated, although people only use that button as a joke these days.

Signs You're Dating Someone in Social Media

2011-03-04T14:18:00.029-05:00

Inspired by a hilarious post at the Tumblr blog Ctrl+Alt+Adam titled how to know you're dating a Venture Capitalist, I decided to retort with a post on how to know you are dating someone that works in Social Media. Did I miss any?!

1. When they ask "what's your number?" they're referring to your Klout score not how many people you've slept with.

2. They want you to meet their Brooklyn friends first as part of their "influencer strategy."

3. Their last 3 relationships ended on twitter.

4. They roll their eyes because you didn't participate in Cheer Up Keanu Day last June.

5. They're too busy to call you during SXSW, yet not too busy to check in to different places every 11 minutes.

6. The abbreviation SoMe takes on a whole new meaning.

When Strangers Click & Creep

2011-02-15T21:36:00.023-05:00

In an attempt to cure my Valentine's Day hangover, I decided to go with a hair of the dog remedy and watch the HBO special, When Strangers Click. The premise was simple and promising, a documentary that follows the journey of 5 couples who met online.

While I was hoping for stories about cute gays that met on GrindR and hipsters finding in each other in a sea of flannels and sending introductory emails exclaiming I'd shave my beard for you, what I got was very different. Instead of showing that online dating can be an honest way to connect for the 22% of couples that have reaped its benefits, it highlighted the freakish and awkward. From a couple that only contacted each other in second life to a woman who married a foreigner after knowing him for one day, these 5 stories reinforced the cliche that people who date online are living in an alternate reality, prolonging the inevitable disclosure of an epic deal breaker or lead a double life as a politician/sexual deviant(see story #2).

Trailer

Even the stats and figures in the film seem some what archaic. My personal favorite: the number one concern for a woman meeting a man online is that he is a serial killer, the number one concern for a man meeting a woman online is that she is fat. Maybe it is the truth and it was just the AOL dial up modem in the background throwing me off. I never thought I would say this, but this sh*t makes me long for eHarmony commercials, you know the one where the pretty boutique owner doesn't have time for love untill that adorable scruffy guy swings her around in a field of dandelions?! Sorry I couldn't resist.

Text with the Ex

2011-02-08T08:11:00.037-05:00

What's worse than regretting sex with the ex this Valentine's day? Regreting text with the ex. At least sex with the ex comes with some degree of gratification and you know your feelings are recipricated, for 3-5 minutes anyway.

A text to the ex on the other hand, can be unrequited. It can mention cupcakes and old college t-shirts. It can be forwarded. So this Valentine's Day, before your thumbs decide to do the talking check out TextsFromMyXes a twitter feed that streams real texts from people post breakup, reminding all of us that grand gestures are best left for 80s film icons and Glee episodes. Below is a selection of my favorites. The common denominator? Intense paranoia coupled with a LOT of feelings and hyperbole.

Did you make your Facebook statuses private or is it just blocked from me?

I just drove by your work and honked. Did u hear it? I hope that made u smile.

I hope you can forgive me for ever treating you like anything less than my queen.

Seeing you sober in the deli was the most awkward moment of my life

YOU WILL NOT MAKE ME INTO SAMMI SWEETHEART

To overshare your inbox just in time for Valentine's day, send your doozies to TextsFromMyXes@gmail.com. Just don't send them out to your ex.

TechBromance: Why Don't We Sext Anymore?

2011-02-02T23:01:00.011-05:00

Did you ever look over at your significant other and say "why don't we sext anymore?" Even if you're not there yet, Nando's prolific tips will be a good reminder that even though your status may be "in a relationship" it's still important to poke each other once in a while. Check him out.

Posted by Nando

For more spicy advice check out Nando's site Nandoism or go to Youtube and watch him get a butt facial.

Text Me If It's Good

2011-01-27T22:40:00.020-05:00

Posted by Brian Martin
When I was in college and through my early twenties my least favorite saying was “text me it it’s good.” We all had that friend, and if you’re reading this now and think you didn’t have that friend –it’s you.
I thought my days of being the Lewis & Clark for social toe dippers were over until my boyfriend and I decided to host a New Years Eve party on the roof of our building overlooking downtown SF. The problem was the roof fit 50 people max. Now, that may not seem like that big of a problem but go ahead and count up your friends who would rather go to a house party than paying 100 dollars to listen to a Black Eyed Peas song at some bar they could normally get into for free. Go ahead…I’ll wait. More than you thought?

We put together a guest list, which I’ll admit was much easier with Facebook invite. We quickly realized we couldn’t invite everyone and knew that making the event “public” could hurt friends in two ways: 1. making the event public and appearing on their newsfeed letting them know one of their close friends had just RSVPd to an event they didn’t get invited to 2. a more catty but still valid dis – letting people who were invited check out the list and see you were not on it. So in an attempt to do the right thing, we closed the guest list…and all hell broke lose.

First it was the passive aggressive comments on the event page “I don’t know if I can go if I can’t see the guest list” or “My how exclusive,” each one smoothed over with a lol, smiley face or extended hahaha’s. Then people started calling us to say “Ok I get why you did it, but really, why can’t you just let me see.” It didn’t bother me at first because I felt I understood. I mean it’s New Years Eve, single girls wanted to know if single guys would be there, single gays wanted to know if attractive guys would be there and couples wanted to know there’d be a cheese plate. But as the comments piled up and I found myself deflecting them left and right, I began to blame…technology. If this were seven years before and I had just called people to let them know or sent them an email this would never have been an issue.

Now, when we get to view not only who is attending, who is not and those awful maybe people, we also get to see their latest five photos, where they work, where they went to school and that they’re a fan “It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia.” This lead me to blame the Facebook invite for creating the ultimate “text me if it’s good.” And now my party was the unknown terrain to be tested by the socially brave or less discriminatory. Was I not enough? Did my friends need more than to see my boyfriend’s name and me on the invitation to be enticed?

If they didn’t want to come they didn’t have to. It turned out fine, better than fine actually. Everyone came and we packed the roof, it didn’t rain and all was merry. But as I reflect on this blog post I have to close with the admission of my one hypocrisy.

I always click “attending” when I get an invite to celebrate a colleagues birthday with a happy hour at a Mexican restaurant across town or an invitation to a karaoke bar to raise money for someone’s run or bike or swim to find a cure for something. But when that date nears I find myself, without any guilt, checking whose “attending” before I decide to go. I don’t mean any harm by it, it’s just a luxury of technology and more simply, it’s just the way it is now.

Social Media Leads to Sex

2011-01-26T19:12:00.040-05:00

Today in statements of the obvious: Matt Lauer is casually hot. It's snowing in NYC, oh and social media leads to sex. I love the following quote from the Men's Fitness study released this week: "Nearly four out of five women and three out of five men say they believe texting, Facebook and other social networking tools cause couples to jump into bed faster." It kind of reminds me of the awesome video of Brian Williams making fun of the New York Times story Discovering Brooklyn "Open air markets like Chippewa posts. Young men and women wearing ironic glasses. Artisinal cheeses for sale...on the street!"

The idea that technology gets you laid certainly isn't breaking news for the techromance audience. Technology moves at lightning speed, putting the world (of dating) at our fingertips and giving suitors a more efficient means of getting ROI on their efforts. Just think of the effort it takes to call someone and set up a date -- getting up the balls, figuring out what you are going to say, doing it, then following through on the plan. Or you can group text 3 people you are "talking to" simultaneously and see who's up for a night cap at your place after you've combed through the bar for potential prospects and landed on nada after seeing them with the ugly lights on. Please note: Nada is NOT a hot exchange student.

That being said there are some "findings" in the study that are paricularly amusing -- see my notes alongside of them in red.

1. Texting is the No. 1 way lovers stay in touch, the survey found, with men texting 39 per cent more often than phoning and women 150 per cent more. (Women somehow think that by texting they are adhereing to the age old rule that they shouldn't call a guy...newsflash ladies, texting is the new calling)

2. Even before the magic begins, 70 per cent of women and 63 per cent of men use Google and other online tools to screen potential dates. (Males are inferior to females because there is a higher percentage that cannot work the internet)

3. Once the relationship clicks, 72 per cent of women report scouring a current partner’s ex-girlfriends’ Facebook pages. (Scouring should be replaced with saving the image to her desktop and circulating it to her friends on email and asking "is she hotter than me?")

That's all folks. I know it's technically TechBromance month but I just couldn't shut up about this one.

Has Online Dating Affected Our Offline Game?

2011-01-23T21:43:00.014-05:00

Posted by Alan Danzis

Most people that have met me more than a few times refuse to believe me when I tell them I'm a really shy person. Sure, I did musicals as a kid (yes, I admit, I have copies of them all). I do new business all the time. And I go on a lot of online dates. None of those things scare me--after the first ten seconds of course (I'm only human). I didn't go on my first date until I was quite a bit older than most people--don't worry, I was still in my teens. I also didn't have a girlfriend until much later either. It was because I was really afraid to approach girls--like deathly afraid. And I still am.

Online dating is easy. I didn't have it back then. But clearly, we all do now. You blindly email someone who looks cute. If she responds, awesome. If not, who cares. You completely forgot she existed anyway, because there's like 100 more for you to email...

Approaching a girl in a bar is different. You WILL remember that rejection. It'll fade over time--most will--but in that moment, you're still terrified of it.So this year, I did a New Year's resolution. Here's the rules:

If I am in a bar...

And I'm not on a date...

And I see a group of at least two girls...

Without any guys around them that might be boyfriends...

I must approach them at least one potential scenario a night--so after I've met my obligation, I don't have to "play" the rest of the night if I don't want to. Since New Year's Day, I've "played" my resolution four times. I'm not going to go into the particulars of how I did, or even if I've gone out on actual dates with any of the girls, but here's what I learned: all of the conversations lasted at least ten minutes. Whether they stopped because I got bored or they did--that's irrelevant. Clearly, people do want to talk to other people in a bar if they're just there with one or two friends.

Having a line helps, but it doesn't have to be an original one. On my second approach, which took place on New Year's day night, I spotted three girls at a bar, sitting down, while I was out with a few of my friends. They seemed pretty into their conversation, so I didn't feel comfortable just going up and talking to the one I liked. So, I called the bartender over, and sent down one beer to JUST the girl I liked. When she got it, and the bartender told her it was from me, she smiled and I smiled back. I waited about three minutes before I walked down to talk to her. My line? "I was going to come over sooner, but honestly, my friends all had terrible lines for me to use." Throwing your friends under the bus -- with their permission of course! -- is usually a win-win in lines if you do it right. I'll admit, I've done it three out of four times. Don't let your friends come over right away. Do the approach on your own -- it shows you're not a wussy, which of course I am, but the girls don't need to know that. Your friends should come over four to five minutes later, on their own, without your prompting. You're too interested in your new friends after all...

I hope my new approach helps other guys (and even girls) out there that have gotten so accustomed to the ease of "picking up" people online, that they're now terrified to do it in person. Have any tips for me on my next approach? Drop me a tweet at @adanzis.

TechBromance: Fine Tune Your Geek Game

2011-01-14T16:31:00.034-05:00

Posted by The Professional Wingman.

Let’s face it. Geeks are hot. There’s nothing sexier than a man who knows his way around technology. Don’t believe me? Just ask my girlfriend. She found me on Twitter. And let’s face it guys, lady geeks are damn hot. Some of you may be asking, “What if I am too much of a geek?” Don’t worry, I’m here to not only help you let your geek flag fly, but to use technology to score with the ladies - and we’re not just talking about dating apps.

But first, let’s talk about your in-person game because, even if you have technology to help you out, you need to create the magic face-to-face. If you’re a guy who can’t get it together to talk to that hot girl across the room, here is something I want you to think about. Developing your social skills is like a video game. At the end of every level, you’ll have a boss to battle. The problem is, every time you think you beat the boss, you find out there’s another level and each time, it gets harder. This will always be your battle with women - and it’ll get harder. The cool thing is after every battle, you build up experience points. The higher your points go, the more able you’ll be to win the next battle. Life is a game and you need to embrace it and play to win.

The best way to handle your difficulties with women is to experience talking with them. The next time you see your princess, approach and talk to her. Let her know she caught your attention, so you had to introduce yourself. The more you do it, the more experience points you get. The easier it gets, the further you’ll go. Now, the question lies. Where can you find your princess?

If you’re a reader of this blog, chances are you have a smartphone. That means it probably has GPS-location abilities. The two combined makes for a powerful resource when it comes to finding where women are hanging out. Here are some examples and how you can best use applications you probably use everyday more effectively. If you don’t use them, get your hands on them now!

Foursquare combined with Assisted Serendipity. Foursquare is an amazing application that lets you see where other people are in your vicinity and gives tips for certain locations. It also lets you know what places are “trending,” meaning there’s a lot of people there. But wouldn’t it be cool to know if there are a lot of women there? Or better yet, wouldn’t it be amazing if you were told when the gender ratio “tips” in your favor? Welcome Assisted Serendipity. This web application will not only notify you by email when the ratio you set is met, but it will also show you at least 3 of the people who are there. Select up to 10 venues you enjoy going to and let them do the rest. This is definitely the easiest way to know where to go on any given night.

UrbanDaddy. When it comes to planning a night out or a date, you need a few ideas to get your brain going. I’ve always used this application to find great date spots for my girlfriend or to take her to another place (hence the title, “The Next Move”), but it’s also useful to find locations that are great for meeting women. Just choose from the many options and the app will give you a ton of possible locations. These locations come with map directions and a brief description of what to expect. Not bad as a last resort for figuring out your plans for the night.

SCVNGR is another great location-based application with a growing user base. But what makes SCVNGR special is the ability to create your own challenges for certain venues. If your buds knew they’ll get points towards a deal at a venue, they’ll be more motivated to interact with the ladies.

With all of the tech in our lives, it makes sense to embrace it and use it to get you...well, you know. Let your geek flag fly, boys.

*These apps are not meant to follow women around in a stalker-way, but to know where you should be going to better your chances to meet women.

Introducing TechBromance

2011-01-09T21:55:00.091-05:00

As if the premiere of Skins and Blue Valentine weren't enough to get us pumped for January, Techromance is becoming TechBromance -- for the month anyway. That's right, my favorite bro-bloggers, writers and pontificators will lend their "tech"spertise and give us their opinions, stories and insights on techromance from a man's point of view. Drum roll please.

The Professional Wingman. Some people say those that can't do teach -- but this guy busts that cliche by teaching dating and actually dating very well. His helpful tips have been featured everywhere from the Wall Street Journal to Maxim, and did I mention he landed himself a little hottie named eFlirtexpert through some strategic twitter flirting? I. Am. Not. Worthy.

Bri-guy, otherwise known as my best friend Brian Martin. He's an MFA student and short-story writer who is lowering his literary standards to blog for us. His keen social observations leave a sting that reverberates somewhere between the Great Gatsby and Heathers. Sorry boys and girls, he's taken.

Nando is a blogger, vlogger, host, entrepreneur, twitterzen of the world and your new Gay BFF. His blog Nandoism gives singles and couples advice on dating, mating and more with a tone that's equal parts motivating and provocative. He's the kick in the a** you just might need to change the way you approach love and sex.

Alan Danzis is a tech junky, blogger and charmer that would win the superlative most likely to check into a date on Foursquare if such a badge actually existed. As a single twentysomething living in Hoboken he has enough dating material to put a Kardashian to shame. Plus he's got a cute smile.

And last, I introduce Mystery Boy. Since dissing someone on a blog can be as bad as contracting an STD these days, his identity will remain annoymous. Cause let's face it--there's no cream that can cure a story about a girl who texts you about her woo woo when she's had 3 glasses of chardonnay.

Let's hear it for the boy-toys!

The Top 10 Techromance Moments of 2010

2010-12-23T13:46:00.092-05:00

In 2010 it felt like techromance errupted like a an oil rig in the Gulf Coast and spilled out everywhere even landing on the big screen as Jesse Eisenberg played out the wicked "E"dentity of Mark Zuckerberg in the Social Network. Some moments we were ready for and some we may never be. To recap, below is a countdown of the top 10 most memorable moments in techromance this year.

10. Brett Favre's Ball Pass - Okay I know it's hard to believe that a professional athlete and overall good guy could get so raunchy via technology right? Especially directed toward a hot, scantily clad brunette with hair extensions and too much lipliner. If you missed the full story just rewind to 2009, insert Favre and Jenn Sterger for Tiger Woods and Rachel Uchitel and upgrade the technology from texts to video.

9. Netflix Scorned Lover's Hack - I love web trolls. Especially when they are smart enough to hack into the Netflix account of their unfaithful partners and scare them straight by ordering months full of psycho-dramas delivered to their door. Afterall, there's nothing like watching Richard Gere smash that hot French guy's face in with a snow globe to inspire chastity.

8. Facebook Faceoff: Catfish & Social Network - Nothing made me happier than seeing these two techromance tales play out on the big screen. Their presence elevated the importance of social networks -- showing how life online can effect the real thing and that no matter how desperate you are to attract "friends" there are really only a few you'll ever get to poke. And fewer than that if you continue to wear a GAP sweatshirt.

7. The Rise & Fall of ChatRoulette - Like all great Russian things, ChatRoulette had an epic rise and a tragic fall. At first it seemed like a brilliant idea -- the perfect antedote to the overly sanitized rules of Facebook -- that is until the only people that were attracted to the site were the ones seeking unsanitzed rules and roaming their basements in white tshirt, no underwear.

6. Iphone 4 G-rated Video Chats - You gotta love the innocence of Apple, they are all cute French songs in their commercials and even pick racially unidentifiable actors to shill their products. That's why when they promoted their video chat feature on the Iphone 4 as a way for hipster girls to show off their new pixie shags to their Williamsburg boyfriends instead of admitting the feature would be more likely to show videos of people shagging themselves, I didn't even roll my eyes.

5. Ashton's Kutcher's ~~Cheating~~ Tweeting Heart - The only thing more anoying than watching Ashton oaf around in those obnoxious trailers with Natalie Portman is listening to him drone on about how much he loves Demi Moore on twitter. Especially when they come days after he's been caught with his hands all over some waitress's ass at an LA coke den. Apparently "what happens in Vegas" winds up on the cover of Star magazine and 140 characters isn't enough to cover up your own when you're boning a woman that looks like your wife 20 years ago.

4. OK Cupid Stats in the City - In a smart and hilarious marketing move, the dating website OK Cupid launched OK Trends--a blog that shares insights from the data they collect from their user base. Funny stats like "people are 20% poorer and 2 inches shorter than they say they are" reminded us that maybe there is a reason why we don't want to hold up a mirror to our digital dating self.

3. Charles Manson's Cell Phone in His Cell - Earlier this winter Charles Manson was busted for sneaking a cell phone into his prison cell and using it to place calls and texts. Though this was his most minor offense to date there is something particularly disturbing about finding a phone in the cell of a person who is notorious for mind-manipulation and convincing people to kill other people. Almost as creepifying were stats released from the prison stating that his phone was one of 8,675 cell phones confiscated in California prisons this year.

2. Getting Checked Out & Checked In - The adoption of FourSqaure this year helped take stalking to a new level. Serving as a polar opposite strategy to HTG (hard to get) this technology made coincidental run-ins a little more common and turned people on to our daily rituals, sometimes provoking unflattering questions like "how is her ass that big if she checks in to the gym everyday?"

1. ~~Douche~~ Duke University PowerPoint Scandal - In May of 2010 Karen Owen's infamous presentation, "An Education Beyond the Classroom: Excelling in the Realm of Horizontal Academics" hit the internet disturbing upper middle class prudes everywhere. With whor-ifying stories about making out with multiple guys in one night, leaving a period stain on a random dude's sheets and stealing belongings as hook up souvenirs, she showed America that you too can get a degree from Duke, even if you get by on Fs.

Thanks for reading guys! Here's to a happy and romanTECH 2011!

The Shittiest Match from OK Stupid

2010-12-15T14:27:00.014-05:00

I'm really not an online date hater, but the sh*t show that is being served up from OK Cupid is enough to make a straight girl tap the 2010 celesbian trend. Case in point one of my readers forwarded me a "QuickMatch" email that arrived in her inbox from the site.

Note the casual, conversational and patronizing tone they use to tell you that their are nine crappy people interested in you--and wait for it--one actually crapped in their pants. Maybe he's trying to be funny or has been dumped too many times and decided too return the favor. FAIL.

"One of these 9 people just gave you high marks (4 or 5 stars) on QuickMatch. Congratulations! If you give high marks to the same guy who chose you, we'll let you both know you match. If not, no biggie. Click anyone below to start playing or click here to login instantly. Somewhere in the first few people you rate will be your potential match."

Texts, Love & Other Drugs

2010-12-05T15:02:00.065-05:00

Seeing Love & Other Drugs last night made me realize a few things: 1) The world would be a much better place if we heard I Wanna Praise You more often 2) 1996 can only look good on Jake Gyllenhal 3) Relationships are far less dramatic in 2010, thanks to the evolution of technology. And it got me wondering, is that a good thing or not?

Although I personally loved the movie, the way the couple communicated seemed about as prehistoric as the Liz Phair song SuperNova playing in the background. From monologues where he called her answering machine, "just to hear her voice" to late night calls where they poured emotions into cumbersome phones that resembled something that Zack Morris used to prank Mr.Belding, emotions in this film ran high. Fastforward to 2010 and unless you fell asleep and missed their 3:00am text messages, guys rarely call. And why would they wait in a bus station or airport for you to arrive back in your city when they could simply follow your check-in on Foursquare?

The fact that things have changed over the past 15 years isn't breaking news, but the effects that these changes have had on romantic relationship are just starting to reveal themselves. If you asked my mother she would say that she doesn't understand how girls today can accept dates made on texts or respond to guys that message them on "MyFace." The truth is that in modern times our preferred means of communciations -- texts, BBms and IMs -- give way to messages that are more likely to be funny and perverted than sweet and romantic. Take a scenario from one of my guy friends this pass weekend. When a cute girl he was dating G-Chatted him Friday and asked how he was going to celebrate T.G.I.F. He responded with..."well it starts with a V and ends with an A." She asked if he meant vodka and he typed: NO ;) Could you ever imagine a guy saying that to your face? They surely don't have the B.A.L.L.S.

OK Stupid: The Worst Introduction Known to Man

2010-11-26T21:44:00.046-05:00

The golden rules of online dating should go something like this: Thou shalt never describe thyself as a "people person," use a profile picture from a web cam or openly disclose that we live with our parents. So you can imagine my surprise when my adorable friend and blogger, Sara of Searching for Sustenance, forwarded me the following email from a guy that approached her on OK ~~Stupid~~ Cupid.

Hi dont know how to start, its been a while since i'm writing to some one, lol, any ways let me be honest, you have written sooo beautifully that i'm sooo impressed, soo honest, i'm not going to praise you that you are sooo beautiful blah blah that you know already and i'm sure been told plenty of time, and may be every day. Presently i'm living with my parents and looking for a house to move in, its been only 6 months since i'm here, in a couple of months i'm moving out.

I looked at your profile couldnt able to stop my self to take out time from work and write you a letter, i'm gonna call this a letter its not a message lol, i really like you as a person not that you are beautiful but i dont know i like you, i've been blessed with every thing, but not every thing, its a saying, god never makes every one complete, with me i've never been blessed with a woman in my life, may be i'm too sincere and girls like bad guys, no seriously all the good looking girls in my school used to date really bad guys knowingly that those are bad guys still, and ive been told always that neil you are a really nice guy but i like him or that person, lol, sooo thats a part of my story

Its my humble request, if you could honor me with your friendship, i assure you i will leave no stone unturned to give you all the care and attention what is required in a friendship. I really dont know how to write to a girl but i tried my best to explain. If you dont like what i wrote please forgive and i apologize in advance and if you think i deserve your friendship, please do reply me, i'll be anxiously waiting for your reply!"

Thank you,
Neil

This email is so sad and heinous that disecting what is wrong with it is sort of like trying to to explain what is wrong with Sarah Palin--and no one has time for that. But here's some advice for online romeos trying to compose some introductory bate: if you have to "apologize in advance" for what you are saying, you shouldn't say it. Also sounding like you wrote an email with one hand down your pants is about as appealing as actually seeing you do it.

Find the Apple of Your Iphone with Grindr

2010-11-20T17:14:00.034-05:00

Let's set the record straight, when it comes to being the first to adopt new trends, no one can top the gays. During drinks last week, with two of my favorite gay men and bloggers Nando of Nandoism and JP Buchmeyer of Alphabet City Blog, I was turned on (by) and to a dating technology that has been capturing the ~~hards~~ hearts of gay men for the past decade--Grindr. For those of you that don't know about this technology, it goes something like this:

Download the Grindr app to your smart phone and you'll be able to search hotties in a small radius of your said location. You can even ping them and show them your profile to make sure the feeling is mutual before you decide to meet up. If you're feeling less ballsy you can just peruse the selection and choose your next stop based on the hottest population. Then when you run into the apple (of your Iphone) you can mention that you spotted them on Grindr or go with a simple "do you CUM here often?"

So all of this sounds amazing right? It kind of feels like a romanTECH trifecta borrowing on the most awesome parts of Match.com + Foursquare + Chatroulette. Just last April gay women adapted a identical app called Qrushr which has attracted 50,000 downloads since its inception. So why are the straights so far behind in the game? Out magazine argues that even though Grindr created an app for straights this summer the technology could pose a threat to all the single ladies because it puts them in stalker-esque situations. I think the the bigger problem in this model for straights is that while the gay population, always pragmatic, sees the tool as a way to hook up for the night, my guess is that it will amplify the often opposite agendas that exist among straight men and women. On an average night out girls are more likely looking for a number exchange while guys would be happier exchanging DNA. What do you all think? Will straights be the next to adopt the Grindr model and if so should they introduce a new name? Meetr, Nailr, Grind(her)?

Put the End in FriEnd: Nov 17th is Unfriend Day

2010-11-15T19:14:00.022-05:00

This Thursday, November 17th marks the first ever Unfriend Day, according to Jimmy Kimmel--the day where we allegedly declare that all this social networking is notworking to improve the status of our relationships.

Last week we talked about exing Exes and how deleting them from our Facebook pages can be an empowering and reasonable move. But do we really have the balls to delete "friends" just because they send us virtual livestock and spam us with emails begging us to "like" companies and products we've never heard of? I don't. But I predict that others will.

According to social network theorists no one person can manage more than 50 relationships. So what does that mean for people managing 1000+ friendships? It means they can forget who people are and why they are important. Just the other day one of my friends told me that she got a message from a guy asking her how she was doing and when she was coming back east for a visit. She told me she couldn't even place him untill she saw that I was their common link and realized that during a weekend visit to NYC she let him feel her up in a drunken cab home.

Then today I talked, actually tweeted, with two insightful friends on the matter. One said his filter would be that he has to have met people in real life in order to accept their requests online and that he would use twitter for "digital friends" and Facebook for all things personal. Did I mention he and I never met? (Note to self: don't friend him). The other commented that he had the urge to purge and was only going to use Facebook for close family and friends. Sounds pretty reasonable to me. That is, as long as he doesn't plan on going to his hometown bar the night before Thanksgiving. He might have some explaining to do.

IM Over This Relationship

2010-11-07T14:29:00.041-05:00

In one of the most infamous episodes of Sex and the City, Carrie gets dumped on a post it from Jack Berger. And in one of the most realistic plot lines from the entire series, she goes bat shit crazy. But honestly, who could blame her? If the medium is the message, then his was loud and clear: this relationship means so little to me I will end it on the same sheet of paper I use to jot down my grocery list.

Though I haven't seen this exact scenario play out, I have heard both sexes freak out when they are dumped abruptly over text, email or instant messenger. They usually assume that the person is an a$$hole who doesn't care about them, a p*ssy who is scared of them or so immature that they didn't understand the gravity of the relationship.

While I totally understand their frustration, I have to say that some of the most civil break-ups happen electronically and some of the most unceremonious happen face to face. How do I know? Because they have happened to me. After making plans once to have a guy I was seeing over to cook dinner and watch a movie, he showed up with biscotti and to breakup--he never wanted kids so thought we should stop seeing each other. In shock over his out of the blue bomb, all I could mutter was "but aren't you a Big Brother, that's weird if you don't like kids." We stood in awkwardness as I wondered if he would leave or take the dessert as he deserted my apartment. I haven't spoken with him since.

On the opposite end of the spectrum was a completely "e"-volved break up that I had over IM. He told me he felt like I wasn't making an effort to see him. I said I thought we were growing apart. He said he saw my point and asked if we could still be Facebook friends. I agreed, and we still are to this day. My bottom line: there is NO good way to break up, but know matter what, I'd rather it be over in an Instant.

Unfriend Finder: Track which ex has eX'ed you

2010-10-31T20:11:00.037-04:00

Facebook is usually a friendly place, that is until you realize you have been defriended. According to a study from University of Colorado that was published on CNET and in the New York Times the top reasons people get defriended include 1.) Updating their status with frequent and "unimportant" content and material 2.) Discussing politics and religion 3.) Posting inappropriate, crude or racists comments. Although these reasons seem relatively legit I was shocked that defriending exes didn't top the lists of reasons to break ties with someone online.
I myself was a victim about two years ago when a guy I used to date defriended me as my newsfeed filled up with photos and updates that included the new man in my life. I had no idea it even happened until I got a friend request from him this year and realized that I was actually being refriended. Luckily now, for those of us that want to keep track of our online frenemies, Unfriend Finder has launched--a Facebook App that let's you monitor the ups and downs of your online relationships.

Although this app is kind of a riot, I would go as far to say that defriending probably has more effect on the person initiating it than the one recieving it. Isn't the act really an exercise in passive aggressive behavior, that allows scorned lovers to salvage a sense of control by "eXing" you out of their lives? Afterall, what could be more empowering than giving your ex a virtual F you--especially if they won't notice it for a year and a half?

WTF: Woman Marries Herself

2010-10-21T23:16:00.015-04:00

I have heard of self love but never enough to make someone actually walk down the aisle...with themself (though a few guys I have dated could definitely be candidates for it).

Today Metro UK, an online news site, reported that Chen Wei-Yih, a 30 year old woman in Taiwan will marry herself. She has rented a banquet, hired a wedding planner and has even posted pre-wedding pictures in her $5675 dollar wedding dress to her Facebook page. And then had to face up to 1800 comments from people asking what she was doing.

So what's the back story? Like many 30 year old women, Chen was catching heat for her single status from family and friends. But instead of rushing down the aisle with a guy she was lukewarm about she decided to marry someone she really loves--herself. When asked about her bold decision, she has told reporters the following "It's not that I'm anti-marriage. I just hope that I can express a different idea within the bounds of a tradition." Her quote actually sounds pretty enlightened. Well at least she won't catch any sh*t for wearing white! Seriously though, what do we think? Is marrying yourself an I "do" or "don't?"

OK Cupid: Stats in the City

2010-10-14T19:21:00.040-04:00

OKCupid, you complete me. The way you crunch data is even hotter than that guy on Numb3rs that used to be on Northern Exposure.

This week OKTrends, a blog by OKCupid, revealed stats on straight sex vs gay sex with some interesting tidbits like gay and straight singles are equally slutty and apparently equally dishonest, since the median # of sexual partners for both was 6.

But even more interesting were wordle-esque maps that show phrases that over-index in profiles by gender and sexual orientation. Things that didn't surprise me: gay men have the best cultural taste and straight men talk more about the show Breaking Bad than they do about having a wife. Things that did surprise me: straight women thinking that listing strong relationships with their moms and best girlfriends would increase their chances of meeting a guy online. Judge for yourself!

Gay Men

Gay Women

Straight Men

Straight Women

Karen Owen's Duke Sexcapades

2010-10-08T21:34:00.023-04:00

Geez, I think somewhere, some wronged girl must have little voo doo dolls modeled after Duke lacrosse players. These golden boys are cursed...and apparently some even have the Irish curse.

On Thursday of this week the Karen Owen PowerPoint, titled "An education beyond the classroom: excelling in the realm of horizontal academics" swept the internet -- detailing her four year boink-fest at Duke along with her top ten sexcapades. Now everyone from the Today Show to Bonnie Fuller are ripping this girl apart, but after having received the PowerPoint in my own inbox and reviewing the entire contents myself, I have to say that many of the details could be extracted from most of the post mortem girls' brunches I attend on Sunday mornings. Below is her well-thought out criteria and the Good, Bad & Most Ugly Excerpts:
The Good: "I could not walk the next day. Could. Not. Walk. In all the best ways, of course. Also, I sent my roommate the following sexile text: “don’t come backk brousght boy backk SEX!!!!!”. Whenever I went to the bathroom, I arrayed myself in a zebra-print snuggie. At one point, post-hookup, he was literally just running his hands up and down, all over me. When I asked, laughing, what he was doing, he replied, in a deep post-sex voice, “Shh…I’m just trying to explore this body…”

The Bad: "He was terrible, did not even bother to kiss me more than a few seconds, and finished in about five minutes, after which he simply walked out of the room and did not return.Also, I accidentally left my favorite pair of earrings from South Africa. When I texted him this fact, he responded with “I will leave them outside of the building for you.”

The Ugly: "Valentine’s Day and laughing with him over Asians and breakups. For the first time ever, getting my period during the middle of a hookup and not noticing at all (oh alcohol, what a blessed curse you are). Bleeding all over his sheets. Dying of embarrassment."

How can we live in a culture that promotes TV shows like Sex and the City, Entourage and even The Jersey Shore where the cast is constantly DTF (down to f*ck) but not accept that a young woman can have sex and a sense of humor about it at the same time. Okay, maybe putting it into a Power Point was a bit much, but maybe she's just an over-achiever.

My final verdict: leave Karen Alone. The content in this PowerPoint just isn't a biggie....well except for Will McGee, Subject #9.

Facebook's Douchie Roots

2010-10-05T14:37:00.042-04:00

Considering the douchie behavior that takes place on Facebook, I guess I shouldn't have been that surprised by the douchie behavior that inspired and surrounded its creation.

Of course some elements of the Social Network were embellished, like how hot the crowd was at the Phoenix social club parties. But the truthful accounts pulled from The Accidental Billionaires were enough to make me want to delete my own Facebook profile and flee to MySpace -- a site where no one cares where you went to college as long as one of your profile pictures shows you in fishnet stockings.

The first horifying fact in The Social Network was that the precursor to Facebook was FaceMash.com, a site where guys could rank girls at Harvard in a hot or not fashion -- a last minute adjustment to Zuckerberg's original idea which was to compare them to farm animals. The second being that the ~~beefy Doublemint~~, Winklevoss twins that conceived the "original" idea of Facebook, really wanted to create a social networking site called the Harvard Connection--an online version of the pretentious social clubs that help these guys rest on their ivy league laurels to get laid. Unfortunately although Facebook has evolved, some of these douchie principles still apply. For example: if you go to a top college you are some how more boneable to the rest of the dating world.

My favorite internet scholar and girl-crush Danah Boyd does a brainy job talking about how class divides play out in social networks saying that the ivy league roots of Facebook create an online class divide. She argues that in addition to the invite-only beginnings of the site even the aesthetic appeals more to a "straight-laced" college bound type with MySpace being a place where artistic, Goth and offbeat young people might flock -- and I don't think she could be more spot on. Facebook stresses what we are, not who we are and leads with where we work, what school we went to and who we know. Kind of like a bad date that starts like an interview.

Memories Offline

2010-09-27T17:49:00.058-04:00

This week I am leaving my day job after almost 8 great years! Among my most grueling tasks has been packing up my office after roughly 1800 days of work -- a number that makes 500 Days of Summer, look like a drop in the bucket.

Among the dried up markers and pay stubs was a paper trail of memories dating back to 2002. In each drawer and cabinet are relics that document the last 8 years of my life. Among the most valuable items were: a birthday card from a friend that has since passed away, a photo of me and Anna Nicole Smith from Fashion Week when she was promoting TrimSpa, an apology note from the first guy who broke my heart, a train pass from Montclair from when I couldn't afford NYC rent and a business card from a cutie I met the night my best friend came out to me on the roof of the Gansevoort Hotel.

Although I love tweets, texts, chats, BBMs, wall posts and FourSquare check-ins these communications are forever fleeting and can make the past seem to completely disappear from our newsfeeds, inboxes and eventually our lives. Just think of the birthday wishes we receive on our Facebook walls. After just a few days those heartfelt messages are buried beneath updates on where we ate lunch and what we think of that evenings' Dancing With the Stars performance. The lack of permanence creates an emphasis on the here and now with less thought left for the where we have been.

As we all continue to move as fast as a status update, I hope we do not become a world ridden with NOstalgia -- a place that is less humble, where people forget their history and are less thankful for the journey that took them to their final destination.

Right now my last 8 years barely fits into 6 large cardboard boxes -- and I hope in the next 8 years I only accumulate more baggage. Even if that makes packing up a total b*tch.

The Real Hook in Catfish

2010-09-21T22:01:00.078-04:00

Right now everyone is asking the wrong question about Catfish. Instead of asking if the story in Catfish is "real" people should be asking how real their own friends are on Facebook. Warning: although this post will spoil the plot of the film, the plot is so not the most important part.

Catfish chronicles ~~Naive~~, Nev, a handsome photographer who innocently meets an eight year old girl on Facebook who paints renderings of his photography and posts them online. Before he knows it this talented "young girl" from Minnesota becomes his pen pal and his newsfeed, inbox and life are taken over by messages and new relationshihps with her family and friends. The most captivating of friend requests comes from this little girl's older sister who is a veterinarian, a dancer and happens to look like a porn star (which should have been his first clue that something was Catfishy). Over a 6 month period the movie chronicles how their surrealationship is fueled by frequent IMs, texts, phone calls and other romantech stimuli. The best of which is a scene where Nev fights laughter as he shares his sex messages with his guy friends -- the awkwardness confirming a fundamental techromance commandment -- THOU SHALT NEVER READ THY SEX MESSAGES ALOUD, because phrases like "cherry pie" should only be spoken at roadside diners and in Warrant songs. I digress.

As a "hopeful romantech" Nev even crops his long distance love into one of his photos -- labeling the image Someday.jpg. This sweet and poignant act makes the second half of the movie even more sad when he goes to meet her and realizes that she is an overweight, middle aged women with two handicapped children and an active imagination.

Although this story is outrageous, the craziest part to think about is how much dishonesty we all encounter everyday on Facebook, and how many subtle lies we have even told. From only posting pictures where we look H.O.T. to adding pretentious book titles to our "favorites" section -- the truth is our e-denties are more of a projection of who we want to be rather than a reflection of who we are. By putting our best face forward on social networking sites it's easy to attract and be attracted, creating a false and prolonged "honeymoon phase" where potential mates will never sees our flaws or baggage. People don't list possesive in their bio section, show photos from when they are sick or write status updates about their financial woes. Cause if they did, know one would want to be their "friend."

Facing Up to Your Break Up On (Facebook)

2010-09-15T21:49:00.027-04:00

Break ups are a bitch. From reclaiming your box of miscellaneous items from an ex's apartment to having to sample the white bean hummus alone at Trader Joe's -- it can be depressing. Add Facebook into the mix and it can be downright humiliating.

Unlike deleting a phone number in your cell phone, Facebook deletes and defriends are permanent. Plus you have an added audience of 500+ "friends" watching your newsfeed so word of your break up will travel faster than an STD moving from Pauly D to Angelina to the Situation.

Today a friend of mine filled me in on her recent break up and asked me to lend some "techs"pertise from my own dating disasters. Let me know if anyone has anything else to add!

1. Now that you are single, wait to mingle. Okay well wait at least 48 hours. Throwing single up too quickly can make you look desperate. If you need to act immediately the most dignified approach is to hide your status and then change it to single in a few days.

2. Bury your past. You can't untag yourself out of your own life, but if you were in a relationship for more than 6 months in your late twenties and early thirties you likely have photo albums with a minimum of: one vacation together, a birthday party at a dive bar in the east village and a destination wedding where you were forced to wear leis but couldn't wear shoes during the ceremony. Instead of deleting these albums take new photos that showcase your new single life. Make sure your new albums include fun titles like "Hollahween!" but nothing too obvious like "All the Single Ladies."

3. FB is for f*ck buddy. Enjoy the new ASSets of Facebook like Facebook Places and Friend Finder to get in touch with potential flames. Just don't start Fbook chatting someone you haven't talked to since an emotional over share in Peer Counseling your junior year of highschool.

4. Don't be a status seeker. Quoting Tori Amos or Death Cab for Cutie lyrics on your status updates is depressing. Step away from Lyrics.com and take a digital vacation from Fbook. This way you'll send the message that you have better things to do then obsess over Facebook (even if it isn't true).

Jerk Alert: Guys Masturbate to Your Facebook Pictures

2010-09-07T22:03:00.020-04:00

About a year ago I read an article about a website in France that featured uploaded photos of cute real girls on the streets of Paris. No photoshopping, no styling, no airbrushing, just fresh faces and natural photography. I remember smiling and thinking guys must be desentisized to the overly sexualized, perfected, Heidi Montagaloid versions of women that the media and porn industries promote.

But after last weekend I witnessed this trend take a creepy twist as two guys admitted that they acually use Facebook profiles as masturbation material. At an impromptu bar crawl with an extended group of friends one of them professed he would rather go home and "j*rk off to Facebook" then "buy some girl drinks and hope for a number at the end of the night." In disbelief that this could actually happen I texted another guy friend and he confirmed that his old roomate would say he had a "Facebook date" at least once a week. Those dates would start with him blasting music and closing his bedroom door.

As if women don't deal with enough jerks on Facebook already! Guys, don't let the "F" in Facebook confuse you.

The (Virtual) Girlfriend Experience

2010-08-30T21:20:00.025-04:00

I am not the judgmental kind when it comes to love, sex and dating, but when it includes grown men maintaining relationships with virtual teenage girls I start to feel like a hockey mom on the Republican ticket.

Yesterday I read an article about LovePlus, a dating simulation game made for Nintendo DS that lets men establish romantic relationships with virtual highschool girls. Apparently these guys court their doe-eyed cartoons by using voice recognition software to strike up conversations and a screen clock that captures how much time they spend with their VGF (virtual girlfriend).

According to the website Global Nation Inquirer its creators, Konami Digital Entertainment, "have long thrilled young men obsessed with high-tech, manga, and anime, known as "otaku," by letting them chase virtual girls in the alternative universe of their digital dreams." The game was released in Japan last September and has become the country's leading virtual dating game selling 430,000 copies. That means there are more men with virtual girlfriends in Japan then there are single men in Manhattan.

Just in time for the games' one year anniversary Konami has partnered with Atami, a resort town in Japan, to create a special vacation experience where male visitors can use barcode technology at landmarks and take photos superimposing their anime gals. There are even creepy hotel rooms with two beds where they can use Augmented Reality to look through their phone and see their teenage girlfriend in a summer kimono. Although local hotels were skeptical at supporting this alternative lifestyle, the experience has boosted tourism attracting more than 2,000 male visiors to Atami. Looks like the honeymoon isn't over...

What do you all think? Is Love Plus and its accompanying resort experience yet another way that relationships can morph over time or is it an unatural evilution of technology?

The Fugly Truth! A Dating Site for the Aesthetically Challenged

2010-08-25T10:34:00.022-04:00

This week I have to give a techromance shout out to the Brits. First they brought us the dating website I Love Your Accent which we covered a few months back that matches Americans with hot Brits, Irishmen and Aussies -- now they bring us The Ugly Bug Ball (TUBB) -- a dating site that pairs the "aesthetically challenged."

In prep for the launch they even conducted a survey that proves the "ugly truth" on dating. My personal favorite "ah-ha" from the study: Ugly people try harder in bed. Did they fact check that with Philip Seymour Hoffman's wife? HA.

In any event, I think its incredibly romanTECH and well, ugly-sexy. I just wouldn't recommend it to anyone...directly. What do you all think?

Bringing Sexy Mac: Iphone Users Have the Most Sex

2010-08-18T15:09:00.039-04:00

For those that believe in creation, they say that Eve tempted Adam with an apple to lure him into original sin. Although its been more than 2000 years since the deed went down, according to OK Cupid the Apple or at least the Iphone is still a catalyst for sex. Check out the graph below from Gizmodo that plots the libido of different smart phone users.

This statistic begs an important question -- why? During an undergrad psychology class I learned that the number one element to attraction is not how hot someone is, how much confidence they have or even how much they pay attention to you -- it is how often you encounter them -- and Iphones provide the easiest access to our social networks, tempting us with our options 24/7. From GChats, emails and instant messenger to Facebook photos, Twitter newsfeeds and Foursquare check ins, this constant stimuli magnifies our options and puts everyone literally at our fingertips. Plus anyone that can read between the lines knows "Sent from my Iphone" really means I'm a prick with a good playlist for sex who doesn't care if my phone drops you in the middle of our conversation.

Going the Distance?

2010-08-14T10:30:00.022-04:00

During previews for Eat, Pray Love last night I saw a trailer for Going the Distance, the new Drew Barrymore movie that attempts to portray the adorable hardships of a long distance relationship between San Fran and New York. This may be an unpopular perspective, but I think that long distance dating may be easier than dating someone in your zipcode.

On a flight from Toronto a few weeks ago a chatty passenger confessed his current situation to me: he had the perfect relationship until his girl moved to his city. When they were dating long distance from Atlanta to New York he described having amazing weekend visits that he likened to vacation sex with 5 day delays that were filled with hot text messages and Facebook status countdowns of when they would see each other next. When she came to New York their weekends were filled with west village brunches and friends' bday parties where their biggest "conflict" was how he should introduce her. Now that she is in New York however, its all about where its going, what their status is and why they don't spend more time together.

A gal pal of mine has also gone bi...coastal and after drinks last week she confessed that she had a "date" with her long distance dude. Translation: she would sex message with him while catching up on DVRed episodes of Project Runway. She said she had to give him QT because he was moving apartments that weekend and would be out of touch for a few days. Wait, I said you get to watch Project Runway during sex and you don't have to help him move?

Sounds like a sweet deal, or is it? Are long distance relationships a testament to how technology has enhanced our lives or are they yet another way we maintain our own space and avoid real commitment?

Location Based Stalking: Foursquare is Creepy

2010-08-01T18:38:00.032-04:00

Facebook stalking is so common now a days, that I actually think its offensive if someone takes you out without doing some online research. Its kind of like going into a job interview and asking the employer to tell you about the company.
But the social media world can also go too far when it takes the information that is at our finger tips and lets us use it to put people under our thumbs. A good friend was at the beach in LBI two weekends ago and was uploading photos and commenting about the fun he was having. Fastforward 3 hours later and he gets a text from a girl he has been casually seeing asking him what he was doing. He responded that he was down at LBI and she commented back "OMG me too!"Coincidence? He thinks not. FourSquare, the mobile GPS that lets you check in to locations is also propelling this trend. A good girlfriend recently checked into a bar and was shocked when an ex walked in shortly thereafter. He said he was in the neighborhood, saw she was there and wanted to say hi. That night she earned the socially awkward badge.

I hate to be a romanTECH pessimists but according to the New York Observer's report on research released this week from Forester 80%of Foursquare users are educated white males -- wait isn't that the same profile as a serial killer? Ok I am praying that people continue to use this technology for good and not e-vil. The last thing we need is a CSI episode based on a girl that checked in one too many times before checking out for good. What do we think?

Digital Dating Evolution

2010-07-19T19:21:00.007-04:00

After all of the Facebook privacy issues, I thought Tom Anderson might have the last laugh when we all wound up back on MySpace. On a whim I even went back on to the site to check out my profile. Surprised that I remembered my login, I stumbled upon the following profile of my younger twenty-something self.

Luckily I've grown up enough to know that halloween costume profile pics outside the months of October/November are incredibly tacky. But it did get me thinking about how far we've come with flirting, dating and mating in the web 2.0 world and how the entry of each new platform follows the same trajectory that we do as we grow up and seek out potential partners. From mild flirting on Friendster that is reminiscent of highschool years to resume dating on Facebook that reminds me of the criteria I used to find a guy in my early twenties, below is a quick "e"-volution of how social media has helped us find new ways to reach out and tweet, flirt or friend someone.

First there was Friendster, or as I like to think about it, social networking training wheels where the "who's viewed my profle fetaure" let you enjoy the benefits of Match.com while tricking yourself into believing that you weren't online to date. (Sidenote: their new logo looks like a tween skater brand)

Then there was MySpace, the web site that became synonomous with the flip cam pic that later gave rise to guys with Iphones. Blame it on the bold-colored mySpace skins and the music blasting from profiles but it sort of made you feel like you were in the digital equivalent of The Hard Rock, Las Vegas partying with people you would never see again from states that don't border on any water. The anything goes attitude was kind of hot until the last guy that friended you suggested meeting in an Applebees parking lot and said he'd be the one in the blue truck blinking his headlights.

Or as I like to call it the website that established resume dating. Who needs an elaborate "about me" section when you can list your ivy league school and show off douchie pictures of yourself at friends' weddings and on adventure vacations. This site is every reason why the guy that looks great on paper can only get h*rd during episodes of Resue Me. (oh no I didn't)

AKA take a walk on the wildside. It's sort of like the sex club your German boyfriend makes you go to after 6 months of monogamous sex which you thought was good but apparently missed the mark. Here anything goes, even primal urges that force grown men to wear those protective cones you put on a dog after surgery and then Next you when you refuse to "lick your elbow" on command.

The most substanative site of all. With witty tweeps a plenty you can get to know someone based on their commentary, opinions and observations. The repartee coined as "flittering" has even been linked to the same feelings of true love. Plus its the only place where you can "follow" someone without being creepy. That is unless your twitter handle is at @jvandersloot.

We've come a long way baby!

How About We...Get a Grip

2010-07-06T08:31:00.035-04:00

The new superficial in dating is not picking a date based on how hot the person is or on how high their earning potential might be–it’s picking someone based on where they are going to take you on your first date. This week the New York Times wrote an article about "How About We," a dating site we talked about in online meet markets a few months back, which works by giving suitors the opportunity to propose various dates with the phrase “How About We…” The text that follows generally resembles a post of the “stuff white people like” variety. For example: “How About We…search for the best Banh Mi in Brooklyn” or “drink Sangria and laugh until the sun comes up.”

Normally I support creative romanTECH endeavors but I just can't get behind a site that puts the cart before the whores (ha) emphasizing the social value of an activity over the person you're suppose to be dating. Hasn't the Bachelor taught us that the notion of the fantasy date is false–we can have the perfect setting, menu and music but still might wind up with Vienna.

As part of their first date investigation, the Times asked "How About We" to share their "date-a-base" and saw that over time in NYC you can even see specific dates trending. As if the faux hipster clip art on the site doesn’t make you feel generic enough now you can trace your date back to a New York magazine article about gourmet meatballs being "the new burger" for foodies in search of the next frontier in beef...

I’m just waiting for a rebel on the site to buck conformity with a realistic entry…you know “How About We…enjoy cheap Italian in my neighborhood and split the check if it doesn't look like you want my cannoli for dessert."

Like a Twitter Virgin

2010-06-13T16:35:00.009-04:00

After having an e-dentity crisis earlier this week I decided to break-up techromance tweets from my personal twitter account. I have to admit starting back with my number at zero makes me feel like a digital virgin, but I am looking forward to a world of safe text, tweets and updates away from my daily identity.

Heart-tweets for the very first time can be found here: Techromance. Oh and thanks to my buddy Danzis for being my first. Follow him here for funny and timely tweets: adanzis.

Match.com(edy)

2010-06-02T20:05:00.041-04:00

A recent trip to San Francisco revealed a few intersting things. First, people there think eating is more important than drinking (what?) and second, the dating scene is (as my friend Stephen would put it) as sexually charged as watching two bagels rub together.

So after slugging back a few cocktails NYC style I took a close GF back to my hotel room. One thing led to another and we -- wrote her a match.com profile. After answering more than 70 questions about her education, hobbies, personality, perfect date, religion, likes and dislikes we were asked to give a 120 character headline that would appear under her name. We landed on a simple "That Girl is Poison" and thought that our work was done. Instead, we were prompted to go through a series of male clip art where she had to pick out objects and people that attracted her most.

It was sort of like some Girl Interrupted experiment where you're asked to look at ink blotches and form shapes to determine if you have psychotic tendancies. But instead, in this case, we had to look at stock imagery of poor man's Patrick Dempseys and lunatics doing sky splits where you have to question if there is a trampoline underneath them or if they are simply just airborn. But at least after an exhaustive process with so much specificity you would expect the site to spit you back some decent candidates. Instead within 24 hours her inbox was flooded with men emailing her from Shakesperian times. A quote from my favorite email: "Whilst being neither acerbic nor abrasive nor judgmental at all, I welcome the energy of a unique, confident, strong, and extremely loving woman into my life with open arms, unbiased preconceived notions, and eager excitement."

Needless to say these Match.com(edy) emails did not find their way into her heart but they did find a special place in my inbox.

Are We Dating?

2010-05-26T16:09:00.012-04:00

In the age of information and access at our finger tips sometimes it feels like the one question that can’t be answered by a Google search is “are we dating?” My sister Marisa has always said that if you are sleeping together and eating meals together in the same week you’re dating. Though I’m obviously obsessed with this definition I feel like lines aren’t always so cut and dry.

I recently caught up with a girlfriend who is in marketing and has been hanging out with a guy who is a freelance writer. They spend a ton of time together exploring the city, taking in shows and even wound up at SXSW together because her company had extra tickets. She told me she wanted to corner him one night over drinks and lay it on the line. In an attempt to save her from herself I told her I thought he must be gay if they weren't hooking up by now although I didn't really believe it. I knew their situation was a bizarre strain of urban dating where one person leads on the other in exchange for entry into concerts/sports/drug induced festivals and other social networking opportunites.

The truth is in 2010 guys can be friends with girls without wanting to sleep with them. It’s also possible to sleep with someone and not want to date them and even be dating and not know it. Anything is possible—that is except for figuring out what the h*ll is going on.

A Man's Guide to Love

2010-05-09T21:59:00.022-04:00

Guy talk can be down right nasty. My most recent encounter with it included two guy friends chatting about using "mud tires" for non-missionary female relations.

For male conversations that do not include phrases like Gilfs and "fun bags," check out The Man's Guide to Love, a newly spawned website that provides advice on love, man to man. The posts are so honest and insightful it's hard to imagine that they aren't outtakes from When Harry Met Sally. My favorite is "Stay the course," a 30 sec vlog from a sixty something man named Jay that talks about how his marriage keeps getting better every year. Of course his wife is right next to him during his confession with an internal monologue that probably included a few Hail Marys that he wouldn't mention Cialis or the time she found his Mike in Brazil Collection.

E-dentity Crisis

2010-04-25T15:14:00.029-04:00

I read a good quote on twitter this week about how instead of work life balance, today people are seeking a work life blend.

But there is a problem when that blend hits a little too close to home and you realize that all the bosses, MILFS (moms I like to facebook) and yes even grandparents on Facebook are going to be viewing your photos from bachelorette parties and perhaps judging your taste in penis shaped accessories (that's just an example).

Lamebook has even popped up, a site dedicated to chronicaling the particularly absurd examples of worlds colliding. My favorite screenshot of a mom "liking" her son's dry spell is captured below.

But there is an alternative bubbling up for people feeling that their e-dentity is being stiffled -- Fakebook profiles. Take Robert Robingson Senior for example. The brainschild of a bunch of my guyfriends, who's Facebook pastimes include ranting about his life alert, "poking" girls on Facebook and asking if there is a pull my finger gadget. According to the New York Times this anonimity trend is on the rise among high school students as well, many who create profiles under clever alisases so they can't be traced back to incriminating photos by parents and colleges.

The timeless battle between the id and the e-go prevails.

The New Open Relationships

2010-04-13T20:10:00.039-04:00

From Tiger's teXXXts to Jesse James' e-rotic indiscretions the current romanTECH landscape is turning me off (thougth it's obviously still turning others on :).

I used to think women that checked their BFs phones and Fbooks were psychotic, controlling and paranoid. But the other night I became one when I barked at my poor BF who was on Facebook looking at a series of pics from a group of twentysomething girls. When I asked "who are you trolling" he responded with those three little words every gal wants to hear, "my cousin Amy." Whew, I thought for now. But am I turning psychotech?

According to Retrevo a consumer electronic blog 36% of couples in a committed relationship check each others emails and phones. Though I never want to be that girl, I started talking to guy friends and girl friends to see what is normal when it comes to monitoring our significant others' technology.

While I thought the majority would think this practice was crazy a number of girls confessed that they regularly check their BFs phone and two said their guys even let them go through their call logs and texts as a sign of solidarity in their relationship. One of my best guy friends, who is dating another guy, told me recently that a paramount moment of their relationship was giving him the key...to unlock his cell phone. Apparently he has an Iphone and gave his significant other the key to unlock it so he can access movie times and download music when he isn't around. "Why not?" he asked, "the most exciting thing on my phone these days is a travelocity app."

So what do we think about these very open relationship? Is access to each others technology the ultimate sign of commitment or is keeping our partner on a short leash the same thing as treating them like a dog?

Besties with Testies!

2010-04-06T19:49:00.005-04:00

If anyone needs a laugh today check out the video "Boys Being Girls" from the Harvard Sailing Team. Although I generally find ivy league sketch comedy as obnoxious as people that say they went to school in New Haven when they are dying to just say Yale, this video hits the right note while capturing some romanTECH truth.

My RomanTECH Faith Restored

2010-03-31T20:06:00.011-04:00

The world of techromance has had me spinning. From sexting teenagers being charged as real sex offenders for circulating nude photos, to Facebook driving a rise in Syphillis in the UK, lately I've been wondering if the negative effects of romanTECH play were finally catching up to daters.

But then today I saw a tweet from @Aplusk aka Ashton Kutcher and my faith was temporarily restored. He tweeted with a fan who asked a girl to prom on YouTube. I remember when my prom date very anti-climactically asked me to go to prom over the phone and then "had a beep" he had to answer. Can't wait to see how this generation proposes!

Hit or Missed Connections

2010-03-23T23:24:00.028-04:00

It was only a matter of time until craigslist's missed connections, aka "I didn't have the balls to hit on you on the F train, but now I want to show you the F train between my legs" launched a reality TV series. LA Weekly reports that Brownstone Entertainment, in association with craigslist, is casting a new web-series featuring the stories of real craigslist postings with a focus on love, marriage, soulmates and missed connections.

Reading this article gave me a chill because long before the craigslist killer I had a creepy missed connection on craigslist. Rewind to about a year and a half ago my coffee order got mixed up with that of a handsome gent at the Starbucks on 28th and Park and he decided to pay for mine since it was technically his anyway. Feeling overly optimistic about this counter encounter, and egged on by a friend who was convinced that we may be in a Nora Ephron comedy featuring two PR girls that fumble their way through dating in NYC, I wrote a missed connection post. Within 12 hours I was confronted with a sketchy response from this dude saying that he would pay for much more than my morning beverage. Talk about a latte moving parts! He also informed me that I set up my anonymous profile not so annonymously and that I was lucky he was not a maniac because he figured out my email and within seconds had photos of me and a link to my Facebook page. Oy, potential connectors beware of missedbehaving.

I wonder if the site will be doing any integrations on "To Catch a Predator?"

The Porn Ultimatum: What is Normal When It Comes to Your BFs Internet Porn Habit?

2010-03-08T18:38:00.057-05:00

After I wrote the post about finding porn on your boyfriend's computer two of my guy friends asked the question, "was it just normal stuff?" Even though I read on SFGate that 70% of men 18-34 have been to an internet porn site in the past month, I didn't know how to answer their question. I said "you tell me what is and isn't normal when it comes to internet porn." And with their "hard-on" their sleeves they did just that, curating a list of 100 porn sites frequented by heterosexual males. Number one being don't worry about it and 100 being run for the hills lady and who the eff cares that your Netflix gets delivered to his apartment.

Before you do embark on the reading of this list please know that I would start getting nervous in the teens. Oh and my favorite is #98. Also and obviously all of the sites called out by the guys include willing and over age participants.

1) One girl, stripping
2) One girl, masturbating
3) Those loveable lesbians
4) Your basic boring, somewhat noiseless, Puritan-style propagate-the-species sex
5) Celeb sex tapes
6) Fake celeb sex tapes
7) If he's fixated on one particular actress — that's almost kind of sweet
8) Anything with zero live audio and "classy" music that's actually borderline haunting and potentially composed by John Tesh
9) High school fantasies involving teachers getting it on with cheerleaders and really teaching those girls a lesson
10) Videos ending in money shots...good luck finding one that doesn't
11) Butt-sex (used to be taboo, now it's just the new black)
12) Three or more of those loveable lesbians
13) Sex in the kitchen (especially by the buttered rolls)
14) College professors f*cking girls hoping to improve their grades
15) College professors f*cking girls who don't even appear to be students, and just want to get effed by college professors for no particular reason, except that maybe they have tenure, which actually, is completely sexy
16) Amateurs. Do you watch Single-A baseball? Exactly.
17) A decided fixation on sprawling, Miracle Gro'd, 70s-style bush
18) A decided fixation on vaginas that would actually look better concealed by sprawling, Miracle Gro'd, 70s-style bush
19) Anything where the dude is holding the camcorder, asks an over-age girl how old she is and eases her nervousness by saying really sweet things like that she has "awesome t*ts"
20) Anything where the male character is a "businessman" in a ill-fitting wardrobe suit with a prop printer using the paper with the holes on the sides in the background
21) Anything where there's a 30+ year age gap between any two participants; he either wants to bang your daughter, or your mother
22) POV (in theory, should be lower, as you don't see a lot of dude; not that low, however, because you see a lot of DUDE)
23) Any predilection towards the series of videos with mega-a**ed chicks who're heavily greased up (very distinctive, you’ll know when you see)
24) Getting off on the idea that the visibly used-up girl who has decidedly aggressive sex six times a day for a living is actually a "virgin"
25) Any video whose description/proceedings go out of their way to point out that the girl is drunk
26) Anything where the man is freakishly more acrobatic than the woman
27) Films where the chick's not even remotely into it
28) Films where the dude's not even remotely into it
29) Films where no one's into it
30) Films where the dude/chick aren't as remotely into it as the girl "secretly" watching through a pretty wide-open door as she shoves her hand down her pants
31) High school fantasies involving janitors getting it on with cheerleaders and really teaching those girls a lesson
32) Videos featuring "18 year olds" who’re clearly 30
33) Videos featuring "18 year olds" who actually might be
34) Straight-up, nothin' but, get-right-down-to it tittie f*ckin’
35) Anything edible entering holes
36) Lesbians employing devices likely started via ripcord
37) Japanese hentai: the dude clearly hasn't gotten over his crush on Princess Jasmine
38) Clown porn: it exists, sometimes with chickens
39) Anything featuring totally ripped, universally good-looking dudes
40) Videos of money shot compilations
41) Footjobs: an uniqiely impressive skill to be sure, and that's preciesly what make them so frightening
42) Tugjobs, especially the slappier ones
43) He's only visiting sites that flaunt their “exclusivity”, like In the VIP...which should totally stand for Very Important P*ssy!
44) Sex that takes place in any motorized vehicle preceded by "Bang"
45) Operations built around an old guy who has younger, fitter dudes come around to bang chicks with him
46) Operations built around an old guy who has younger, fitter dudes come around to bang chicks without him
47) Anything involving “frat guys” boning “sorority sluts”. If he's fantasizing about nailing hot a**, no worries; if he's fantasizing about going back to college, worries.
48) Where the theme is adultery – ominous, and a bit too meta
49) The curious presence of uncircumcised penis
50) Anything where nothing is shown except zoomed-in penetration -- or, worse, almost-zoomed in, bringing into focus the male's thrusting, slightly open buttocks
51) Films where the male star portrays a mentally disabled person, and greets the initial bl*wj*b phase with terrified incomprehension, but later effortlessly achieves accomplished positions and holds out for, like, 25:33 before having what's ostensibly the first man-gasm of his life
52) Wherein a gynecologist begins an exam very professionally, only to ask a totally unsexy question that nonetheless convinces the woman that maybe it is okay to receive fellatio from the one man in the world you trust most to not give you fellatio
53) The ones where the girl pretends to be asleep while being ferociously pistoned
54) 20-minute bl*wj*b vids. Too much wang, and eventually you're like, “What about her needs?”
55) Are downward-bending penises normal?
56) A predilection for deepthroat specialists – could indicate he doesn't appreciate your own talents, or the vagina in general
57) Cups, saucers, or plates full of man-juice
58) Films where the dude's so skinny he looks like he just walked out of a 1990s Eastern European refugee camp
59) High school fantasies involving multiple football players getting it on with a cheerleader; high school dudes are simply not all about standing around the locker room stroking themselves while waiting for the chance to put their penises really, really close to other penises
60) The Paris Hilton thing – smut has a shelf-life, obsession does not
61) The Ray Ray thing – smut has a shelf-life, obsession does not
62) A**-to-mouth
63) Glory Hole
64) Male strippers and a roomful of homely women
65) Forearm-c*ck: the girl can't possibly be enjoying it, and your boyfriend can't possibly be enjoying watching a dude who, literally, has a forearm for a cock
66) Impossibly large synthetic penises when male is not available
67) Impossibly large synthetic penises when male is available
68) Penises that fall below the industry norm, but pretend otherwise
69!) The magic of squirting
70) The man goes straight to the ass, without stopping at the Vajay.
71) Daddy's friend videos. If you're going to fantasize about f*cking your friend's daughter, watch Blame it on Rio. Is it the anti-Alfie? Alfie in middle age? Who knows -- all that's certain is that Michael Caine has never been better.
72) Where the dude's painted white and laid out in the morgue, then reanimates for undead sex
73) Anything with that dude who looks like a cro-magnon Fabio
74) Any fixation on women who are of an ethnicity or nationality that you are not
75) Any fixation on men who are of an ethnicity or nationality that he is not
76) Anything where the women are obviously wacked out on uppers, downers, or anything ending in -ers. Or anything ending in -ines. Or -ack.
77) Fat chicks! Just kidding. That's actually fine.
78) Really, really old chicks. That's actually never fine.
79) Videos where's he's clearly confusing the mouth for the vagina
80) No matter what she does, or how much she seems to be enjoying herself, the dude never even comes close to having a boner
81) If he's fixated on one particular actor. Especially if the actor looks like Flea, and has tattoos of flames going down his forearm
82) Nuns, priests, or nuns and priests
83) Webcams: no matter how absurd it sounds, his goal is to date her at some point
84) Strangulation, or anything where the a** slapping is a little too vigorous
85) Mike in Brazil
86) So this guy's actually homeless, and if he can get it up in front of the audience, he sleeps with the porn star, but if he can't, she sleeps with him...
87) He puts himself in a position to have his anus fingered. No matter how many times it happens, a man should always be surprised to have his anus fingered.
88) Anything where the girl might actually be asleep while being pistoned
89) Cartoons (Family Guy, Simpsons, etc) where, say, a jacked Chris hammers a massively boobed Meg. For instance.
90) SimsSex. (Simsex?)
91) It's always two guys, one girl, never the other way around
92) Gay sex, no girls present (not that there's anything wrong with that) (other than that he's dating you)
93) Poop, etc
94) Japanese women & sea creatures
95) The porn's just sitting there open, waiting for you to find it
96) He's actually in the porn...
97) ...and he's way more into it than he is with you
98) Nothing but 30-second clips – it means he's too stupid to find the free 5-30 minute clips, and will never be able to provide for you financially
99) Anything accessed via paid membership
100) No porn at all

As for what to do when his defense is that his friend IMed it to him, well that is going to have to be another post.

The Latest Online "Meet" Markets

2010-03-01T19:01:00.046-05:00

I still recall dating a guy I met on Friendster a few years back and having him instruct me to tell his parents that we met through a mutual friend. I swear when they asked, I almost said "through a friendster" to make him feel uncomfortable. Luckily since then the stigma of online dating has disappeared like those free NYC condoms from an east village bar bathroom. Now singles can mingle in a variety of virtual "meet" markets and don't have to adhere to the randomosity of Match.com.

I Love Your Accent is a global site that pairs Americans with foreign guys, specifically brits, in hopes of fulfilling their Gwenyth Paltrow/Chris Martin fantasy (apparently in a mid-drift baring shirt). I kind of love this idea but the site leaves me with one question -- is it really that hard to attract a British guy? JK.

Beautiful People is an online dating site that has gained a lot of buzz in the past few months by exclusively matching the most beautiful people on the web. Acoording to Gizmodo the site even purged 5K members post holiday who weren't meeting the looks criteria. Or maybe it was becausen't they couldn't perch on their tippy toes in a wife beater while levitating an apple.

The last is HowAboutWe, a dating site that matches couples based on their desire to do the same activities, that is soon to launch in NYC. Take this photo for example, "How about we wear a rainbow sweater from H&M and attempt a crossword puzzle in a Brooklyn cafe that serves fair trade coffee?"

Here's hoping for love at first (web)site.

Chatroulette Test Drive

2010-02-22T19:26:00.020-05:00

Logging into Facebook is as comforting as finding a neighborhood bar to call your own. Its where you go when you want everyone to know your name, where you work, what you ate for breakfast and what you think will happen tonight on Lost.

But the hard truth is, even with 500+ friends Facebook can start to feel claustophobic. Between checking out an exes vacation picture to hearing that your boss just burnt a batch of meatballs there is no way to compartmentalize your work, social and dating lives. Enter Chatroulette, an exotic outlier, created by a Russian teenager, where you use webcams to talk to an endless stream of anonymous strangers. If you aren't into the person you simply hit the next button. Think Missed Connections meets Let's Make a Deal (but in most cases you really don't want to). The good news is, here no one cares where you went to college. The bad news is 1 out of 3 potential chat partners have their balls out.

My Chat Roulette session was short lived but included two red-neck guys saying I was "kind of" hot, one young European girl who looked eerily like me and finally one bloated man laying in bed with a white t-shirt on and nothing else asking me "what's for dinner?" If Facebook is your neighborhood bar this place is like a creepy club where someone trys to slip you ruffies.

Long Distance Daters Go the Extra Mile on Vday

2010-02-13T16:17:00.024-05:00

Happy V-day everyone! The 3 day v-day weekend means different things to different people in New York. For couples it's filled with pricey dinners at downtown enoteccas and awkward trips to the backroom of Ricky's. For singles it's sprokets to "Single ladies" peppered with group texts to "meet up later?" and then then the weighty decision between the comfort and shame of their neighborhood pizzeria or stumbling home with a near stranger. But after talking to a few long distance couples who can't be together this V-day it seems that outside of frantically trying to delete the Fandango alert that they "just bought TKTS to Valentine's Day" from their Facebook wall, the options just aren't appealing.

To combat the gloom Geek Squad (a client that I work with) created a fun option for long distance daters, giving couples the opportunity for a candlelight Skype dinner at BLT steak in New York and Los Angeles last night.

I was able to chat with Y (pictured here) a Brooklyn based engineer/wushu instructor, on how he keeps it romanTECH with his L.A. woman Betty.

Take it from the top, how did you meet?
My parents have been friends with the Chus forever. When I was little I always prayed that I would marry Mrs Chu. She was so beautiful. Then as I got older, her daughter Betty and I became best friends and for 6 years we would IM, email, text and Gchat even though she lived in California. Eventually we created a pact that if we didn't marry anyone by thirty we would consider each other.

So it was kind of written...in html code :)?
Maybe it was. Finally one day I texted her "if we're going to get married you better come out to NYC for a visit ;)" She came out on Halloween this past year and we have been together ever since.

Wow, that must have been some stay, how do you keep the romance alive 2500 miles apart?
We talk more than ten times a day. We'll have a text chain going, I'll post inside jokes to her wall and on top of that we talk on the phone for 5-6 hours a night. Sometimes we are kind of half asleep and just keep the phones by our ears and talk as we drift in and out of sleep.

Wow, talk about commitment, you spend more "time" together than couples I know who live together. Any advice for other long distance couples?
Techromance actually does let you communicate well, I feel like I can be more thoughtful about what I am going to say. Some things would be totally cheesy but if you say them on email and IM they can come off better and they can even be funny.

So are you a hopeful romanTECH?
Why not, I also used to think people who couldn't find some one to date in their zipcode were kind of losers, but after dating Betty, its like you know its worth it.

So, how are you going to celebrate the next holiday...Memorial day I guess it is?
Hopefully she'll be moved in by then :)

Wow, nice work. Ain't no mountain (or cell phone bill high enough) to keep these two apart. Good luck you two and happy V-day to all! xo

Couples Facebook?

2010-02-10T22:12:00.077-05:00

Is anyone else bummed that Facebook is a lot less attractive post Doppelganger week? I kid (well sort of). Facebook themed weeks are starting to feel like a scary exercise in group think...you know like when a bachelorette party decides its okay to wear sashes and tiaras out on the LES. Last week my newsfeed was bombarded with Jennifer Anistons and Jamie Lynn Sieglers and a few overly confident exes that apparently fancy themself, Hugh Jackman and Taylor Lautner (you know who you are). To combat the predictability of this movement my friend Mara, a clever and always pithy artist did a series of photos of her girlfriends cropped with their BF celeb doppelgangers. This I loved!

Mara & Grant

Jenni & Rick

But now to complicate things (and just in time for Valentine's Day), the Facebook movements continue. Only this time the dare is to change your profile pics to "you and your honey" and say how long you have been together. While I don't normally object to (very) public displays of affection, this sounds like a prescription for awkwardness as couples "agree" that they are going to participate.

Mara, please help us find a better way.

Beer Googles

2010-02-08T19:14:00.011-05:00

If the people behind the Budweiser ads would have created Google's spot, "Beer Googles" would have been a likely title. But luckily they didn't, so instead of blows to the crotch and cleavage, Google gave us a welcome break from typical superbowl advertising and delivered an insightful and romanTECH spot titled Parisian Love. I know, I know...its a little Stuff White People Like: Studying Abroad in Paris, but the "e"-motional journey chronicaling a guy's search for a study abroad program all the way through his search for a church to get married in really got me choked up. Google, you (auto)complete me. And just in time for Vday.

His Story Revealed in His Computer History

2010-01-30T14:17:00.022-05:00

It's common knowledge that jumping into the history of your significant other's dating life can be dangerous. But do we ever think about jumping into the history left on their computer?

The other day one of my close girlfriends emailed me a link to a funny article about our college sorority Pi Phi. Apparently our sisters at the Cornell chapter leaked their rush handbook, warning members about muffin tops and reminding them that only Tory Burch flats were acceptable. Anyway before I even had the chance to laugh about it she followed up with a phone call. I was prepped to read the manual with her line by line reliving our own sorority rush nightmares but instead she had panic in her voice. Apparently she was using her boyfriend's computer and when she went to paste the article link into the body of the email a link posted to "College Girls Getting It." The scariest part was that she almost forwarded it because at first glance it kind of looked like the headline about the Cornell Pi Phis.

Apparently not only does her BF look at college girls having unrealistic sex (who does that in college?), but he was passing it on to friends. As she proceeded to his actual web history a wide variety of fetishes and shameful sites were revealed. As she told me the tale I googled stats on "normal guys who watch porn" to calm her down while thinking to myself this guys is a complete idiot. That was until I logged on to my netbook (which I frequently share with my BF) and in the history was a direct link to his ex's "Halloweird" Facebook photos that I was trolling. FML.

To Catch a Tiger

2010-01-26T19:32:00.022-05:00

You go Elin.

First you won our hearts by getting crazy eyes and clubbing Tiger when you suspected he was cheating. Now you prove your prowess again by setting up a late night textual "booby" trap using Tiger's own phone to prove his affair.

Today the Daily Mail reports the back story behind how Elin discovered that Tiger was cheating. Apparently Elin was suspicious of his relationship with Uchitel. In a not so brilliant move to prove that he was "innocent" Tiger had Elin chat with Uchitel directly, you know to see that she was just your typicall-girl next door (did you catch that :). After their chat Elin played the blonde, Swedish, nanny card pretending she believed their relationship was platonic while pocketing Tiger's phone and texting Uchitel as if she were him later that night. Love the Tiger trap Elin!

A Little Bit RomanTECH: Q&A with Hannah Seligson

2010-01-23T15:40:00.035-05:00

I had the pleasure of chatting with Hannah Seligson, author of A Little Bit Married: How to know when it’s time to walk down the aisle or out the door, which just hit shelves January 15th. Below is our Q&A, an explanation of the title and the reason why she won't be friends with her boyfriend on Facebook...

1. What does “A Little Bit Married” mean?"
After college my boyfriend broke up with me and it felt more like a divorce than a break up. Our lives were so intertwined, between family relationships and all the time we spent together it felt like way more than just a relationship, we were "a little bit married." Then I started looking around at my twenty something friends and realized that there was a trend I was starting to see: the unmarried long-term relationship. Right now in the U.S. 23 million adults are in long term unmarried relationships and 12 million unmarried couples live together.

2. So it's a handbook for people living in sin :)?
Being A Little Bit Married is a rite of passage for people today not a substitute for marriage. The book is a guide for navigating this space and knowing when it’s time to walk down the aisle or out the door.

3. How do you think technology has changed dating and relationships?
My grandparents went on five dates before they were married, now five dates is the time when you become Facebook friends. Clearly, a lot has changed. Today, the period before you get married tends to be much, much longer.

4. BTW, are you "a little bit married?"
I am. It's funny, even though we live together, we aren't friends on Facebook. I think it’s a little icky and voyeuristic to watch each other's newsfeeds every day. I think it can make you paranoid, you know like if you see that your significant other has their hand on someone else's shoulder. In short, so much can be misinterpreted.

5. So are you anti-techromance?
No, not at all! One of my good friends met a guy on Facebook and I think they'll probably wind up getting married.

6. What is your best advice for singles looking for a relationship today?
The speed of technology makes things move so fast but relationships aren't so instant. Take your time and get to know each other, it’s not like we have to get married when we're 22 anymore...

Read excerpts from "A Little Bit Married" on Hannah's blog or buy it on Amazon.com.

eHarmony Is Not For Everyone

2010-01-21T20:43:00.012-05:00

Apparently E is NOT for everyone. Thanks to the commenter that pointed out eHarmony's conservative agenda. Apparently they wouldn't create a same sex option and only launched the site Compatible Partners after a 2008 New Jersey court ruling. eHArmony your seperate but (not so) equal approach is a huge techromance FAIL.

eHarmony IS Socially Acceptable

2010-01-18T17:09:00.014-05:00

During a dry patch about one year ago my sister suggested that I try eHarmony. I was insulted by the recomendation and was hell bent on never falling victim to their "real life" commercials so obviously targeting my demographic. You know the ones where the female boutique owner finally finds love with the smoking architect that looks like Brian Greenberg's more astute older brother....

Well this weekend I had the pleasure of going away for my friend Mike's bday with a group of people so highly educated and interesting I thought I was on a white episode of a Different World. Turns out a few of them were on eHarmony and one of the couples there was even the product of a match made on the site. The dude I knew in his singles days, and to be honest was never sure what type of chica he was after. But when they walked in I suddenly heard "This will be an everlasting love" cue up as one of my friends leaned in and whispered to me that the couple looked so matched they could share jeans. Over lunch I quickly learned they shared more than the same jean size as they gushed about their love of late night dining, the Vampire Diaries and meeting each others parents for the first time. Later on they even earned points in the house from everyone for spooning on the couch overnight and not pulling couple's rank and taking up a bed.

In talking to some other friends this weekend at least 2 mentioned they were on the site and talking to people they had a strong connection with commenting that Match.com wasnt any better than a summer happy hour at the Frying Pan-- a lot of above average faces but nothing particularly interesting. Maybe eHArmony will be the new Match.com for twentysomethings. And if they want to, they better start marketing in Murray Hill because the Young Jewish Professionals posters are taking over!

Committing Social (Networking) Suicide

2010-01-12T21:11:00.007-05:00

Facebook can be murder. Lately lame status (seeking) updates telling the world that "I heart Mykonos with the boyz" can have us praying for a "dislike" button. Top that off with a 20 degree day in NYC and a misguided suggestion to "reconnect" with an ex that told you he felt like a cat took a d*mp in his mouth right before your first kiss, and you may want to kill yourself. Well don't go that far. Instead consider killing your online profile with Web 2.0 Suicide Machine, a site that allows you to end it all in one dramaTECH move. Check out the e-bituaries of the 861 people who have painlessly slit their digital wrists. My personal favorite: "I'm virtually dead."

What would your final sign off be?

A Crazy Year in Techromance

2009-12-31T13:10:00.031-05:00

Happy almost 2010 everyone.

Instead of going to the gym I thought it would be fun to countdown some of the most outrageous moments in techromance this year. Let me know if anyone has any additions!

1. Tiger's not so hot sex messages: My two biggest techromance turnoffs are a) when suitors are overly confident and b) when they make grammar mistakes. This year Tiger Woods was guilty of both from poorly crafted messages like "I can't wait to see you to" to "i will were you out" showing big breasted women everywhere that Tiger's game best be left on the golf course.

2. "Altar"ing your facebook status at the altar: On December 2nd a groom whipped out his phone during his nuptials and changed his status to married. While I would normally commend romanTECH gestures this guy didn't tell his wife his plan. Let's hope he didn't surprise her by "poking" or "friending" other women at the reception.

3. The forever wedding dance + Chris Brown's history of domestic violence: Who didn't laugh and even get choked up as this wedding party awkwardly rocked down the aisle to Chris Brown's hit while strategically hiding their embarassment behind tacky sunglasses? The YouTube sensation stole America's heart, until people started to see the irony of kicking off a marriage with a song by an artist who was arrested for slapping around his significant other. FAIL.

4. Kim's sachrine tweets about reggie while relationship was crumpling: Perhaps she was trying to look on the bright side but critics slammed Kim Kardashian's sweet tweets the few weeks before her break up with Reggie. Mark Ecko's blog Complex does a hilarious read between the lines recap below:

WHAT KIM WAS REALLY THINKING: “If only they could bring up a side order of communication and honesty.”

5. A Totally Bad Ass Picture Text: And bringing up the rear is my favorite techromance story of 2009 involving, well, a picture of a girl's rear sent to my good friend. After she sent him her sexy thong-clad picture text we were all enamored of her tan and well shaped caboose. That is until he saw the date on the picture was June 17th....4 months before they started dating. This cheeky gone freaky act should remind us all that sexy pictures gone wrong can make us look like a total ass.

That's it dear readers. Here's to a romanTECH 2010!!! XOXO

In Defense of Techromance

2009-11-03T12:25:00.046-05:00

Last week David Brooks wrote a very one-sided op-ed in the New York Times Cell Phones, Texts, and Lovers criticizing today's dating world as laid out in New York Mag's the Sex Diaries. He applauded Yang's anaylsis saying that "the most interesting part of the diaries concerns the way cellphones have influenced courtship. On nights when they are out, the diarists are often texting multiple possible partners in search of the best arrangement."

Guys, let me interpret that scenario for you: it's called a group text. And what is so wrong with trying to figure out your best option for a Saturday night?

I am here in defense of techromance and to tell Brooks and others who scornfully describe daters today as "using their cellphones to disaggregate, slice up, and repackage their emotional and physical needs, servicing each with a different partner, and hoping to come out ahead” that they are stuck in a time warp and bring an archaic criticism of dating. Fighting technology and dating is as futile as complaining about a crowded subway that you have to get on to. If singles today don't hop on, the reality is they won't be getting off (ha) at their final destination, a relationship.

Today our e-dentities are as developed as our identities, so it makes perfect sense that we use digital personas to express ourselves during the courting stage. In many cases these channels can help us reach out and connect with people in low pressure ways that allow us to be a more sincere self then the one that we project on our 1st, 2nd and third dates. One of my time-stretched girlifriend met a cute equally time-stretched guy on Jdate and decided that their second date was actually their third because they had texted, emailed and chatted online so much it actually propelled them into a more comfortable zone. Two months later they are going strong online and offline.

I am 29 and can barely remember the world BC (before cellphone) but thank my lucky stars that I never have to wait by my landline for a guy to call. In fact my current relationship actually sprung from a Facebook message I sent to him after meeting in a bar the week before, eloquently stating, "hey dude is this you?" after tracking him down on Facebook. He replied quickly asking me out that weekend.

Now we all know that every text, Facebook, video and IM doesn't result in a great romanTECH story. From starlets exploited after sex messaging their boyfriends to real life stories where a Halloween "text from the ex" results in a walk of shame where we damn daylight savings and realize that yes a Pochahantas costume DOES stick out in the east village at 10 am...but that is how it goes.

I am always fascinated, and Brooks wouldn't be the first one, when older generations weigh in on how our generation dates. I mean look at the divorce rate of the baby boomer generation. Do they really have it figured out? The other news flash is that Brooks and others operate under the assumption that dating for us is defined by how people dated 30 years ago, but the reality is techromance is dating to us. It's the only way we know.

Recently I had an interesting conversation with my teenage nephew and I told him about the first time my highschool boyfriend told me he loved me on the phone late one night. At that moment I realized he'll probably hear he is loved for the first time over text message, and I don't think it will mean any less.

A Very Public Display of Affection

2009-10-27T18:06:00.009-04:00

As our social circles multiply online they give way to a very grand type of PDA. You know the one where your 400 plus friends read your Friday status update and know that you are “counting down till pookie gets here from LA”. Sure you want your cutie to see it, but it also doesn’t hurt that X BFs and GFs see that you are in a relationship so solid that someone would pay $400 to see you for a weekend.

But displaying your affection for someone digitally can also go horribly wrong. Recently a girlfriend of mine had a serious wake-up call—after being involved in a 5 month relationship she woke up at 6:00 am to a series of very public messages from her ex. That’s right, instead of being in her inbox they were displayed across her Facebook wall. The first booze induced message was a simple “hey sexy” but the next few evolved into messages like “where are you” and of course the most dramaTECH of all, “come back to me.” She quickly deleted the posts and prayed to the Facebook for blackberry gods for getting her these messages before her boyfriend had a chance to see them and jump to ill conclusions.

Whew, right? Well let these public displays of affection be a warning to all of us: A)Nothing good happens (on Facebook) after 2am and B) If you do want to write something off the wall to a romanTECH interest then let's well keep it off-the-wall.

A Hopeful Romantech

2009-06-28T11:19:00.032-04:00

Why is it that we want our e-dentities to show the present but our identies have to bare the burden of our past?

I've had a recent break up. And it's very fresh. But over the past six months this sureal-ationship has not only taken over my life but it's taken over my Facebook newsfeed, shaped my photo albums and can explain why my blog posts have been more MIA than Paper Planes. I did expect that this would hurt. But I did not expect that it would give me a fear of facebook. A fear of seeing that person is now "listed as single" first and a fear of looking at pics labeled "into 09" as a memory versus part of my life.

The control freak in me wants to untag myself from the past 6 months and return to the days where my e-dentity was shaped by albums that read "San Funcisco" and "If it Ain't Hobroken Don't Fix It" -- but the truth is these photos and experiences have changed me and though they can technically be deleted they cannot truly be erased.

So bare with me as these photos remain fixed while that sad little broken heart pops up on my news feed and my status changes. Luckily, even though I have been on a blogging-sabbatical technology continues to evolve and with it so does romance. New mediums provide new possibilities and remind me that our newest "tweet"hearts could be just 140 characters away. So don't you worry, no matter what has happened I remain a hopeful romanTECH.

The New MILFs...

2009-01-20T21:33:00.016-05:00

I assume that any one I date is going to do their diligence and e-search me via Facebook and Google -- I actually find it flattering. But what can be unflattering is when the moms of romanTECH interests follow suit and do the same.

Now don't get me wrong, though my mother would never join "MyFace" or "Spacebook," I love and support these new MILFs (Moms I Like to Facebook) and enjoy the novelty of posting inside jokes and virtual thank you notes on my friend's moms' pages that have recently joined. "Dear Ann - Missing you and the lazy river. Now only if you'll sign the adoption papers."

But when my STEADY and EXTRA special romanTECH interest revealed that his mom is on Facebook and has searched my e-dentity online, I had a mild melt down. Maybe its because my profile pic features another guy nestled against my chest and if you google me the first thing that comes up is a spirits publicist profile where I state that it takes 3 drinks before I get "tipsy." And you thought the "about me" section on your now defunct Friendster profile revealing that your words to live by are: "work hard, play hard" was embarassing.

Now I know what you're thinking: "don't worry about your Facebook, worry about this blog." And your mostly right. But I feel like its hard to compartmentalize these days, so if she is reading my Facebook then she has likely found her way here and all I can say is: can't wait to see you on Saturday, let me know if I can bring dessert.

Holiday "e"-unions

2008-12-28T19:18:00.045-05:00

The holiday season yields as much contemplation as celebration. I blame it on left over vacation days that pile up to mini-sabbaticals, long train rides home and Definitely, Maybe ON DEMAND -- but, one can't help but feel nostalgic when riffling thru their inbox to find sweet communications from romanTECH loves past that make it oh so tempting to romanticize these relationships. If only he didn't ask me to order our movie tickets on Fandango and then never offer to pay....

In the spirit of the season, my inbox has been hit with some out of the blue communications from romanTECH interests-08. But are these "e"-unions sincere or the result of office closings until January 5th leaving ex boos with time on their hands to plot a last minute New Year's ball drop?

From simply stated "Merry Christmas" emails to obvious "wishing you the best this season" group texts from guys I haven't talked to since I got bangs -- I first thought these gestures were borderline obnoxious, but after more contemplation I realized that this sneaky tacTECH likely yields some serious romanTECH ROI. On the upside if your ex responds positively and things reignite you may not wind up at an all inclusive New Year's celebration at Capitale again. And if you don't hear back you could always rationalize by telling yourself that they thought they were receiving a group text and decided not to respond because it was so impersonal. Afterall, it's important to put in some effort.

To Delete or Not Delete: That Is the Question

2008-12-02T23:38:00.041-05:00

Deleting numbers from my cell phone has always been one of my favorite dating tacTECHS. Maybe its the superficial closure of clicking yes when the screen on my blackberry asks "Are you sure you want to delete eXeXeX from you phone?" or the fast-forward fantasy to the moment when said romanTECH interest eventually texts again and I can respond with -- "Hey, who is this?" Ahhhhhh, sweet e-venge!

But a few months ago I deleted a pretty significant romanTECH interest from my phone and the scenario has unfolded in a way that is making me question my strategery. Recently, a mild vibe has emerged again between me and this dude and after an unplanned "encounter" at a bar in my hood I knew I'd want to see him later in the night, but was obviously too proud to ask for his digits again. After getting home and hitting romanTECH rock bottom, aka trolling for his # on my Tmobile bill, I resorted to the tackiest of choices: Facebook for blackberry, sending him a simple "?" at about 2:30 am. That Monday, I called out my own randomosity, letting him know that I had no other choice after deleting his number from my phone. To which he, coyly confessed: "I wanted to text you, but I deleted yours too."

So this brings us to the text-istential quesion: To Delete or Not Delete? One of my guy friend's pointed out that he deletes when he doesn't want to be reminded of his old girlfriend everytime he scrolls thru his phone -- afterall the way Dana hovers over his brother Dave on his phone list is almost as annoying as the way she would hover over his friends during college football. Another friend pointed out that deleting never works because he always winds up memorizing the really significant numbers. So even though we haven't completely answered the question, there is something we can learn: deleting people out of our phones is the easy part.

Relationship Status: It Sure Is Complicated

2008-11-13T23:12:00.007-05:00

Posting your relationship status on Facebook is actually pretty complicated. Even though I'm technically single I've always opted out of the selection, in hopes of creating more intrigue on my romanTECH endeavours. I recognize my blog has blew up my spot there...

But enough about my issues, let me tell a more interesting romanTECH tale of two friends: After a long-winded courtship where this lovely lady was forced to police her romeo, she finally locked it up on Halloween weekend with a HOT cop costume. That weekend he became a prisoner of her love and asked her to be his official girlfriend. The catch? He did it via Facebook status, simply changing his to read: "In a Relationship." Could anything be more romanTECH than digital sky-writing blasted across his newsfeed??? Well maybe if he hyperlinked to her....

But these strategies can also backfire. Another friend recently took the plunge updating their status to: "In a relationship," which induced a slew of comments on his wall from "this should last as long as your interest in Bikram Yoga" to the blatant "HAHAHAHAHAHA, when will these people learn?" You'll be surprised to know his relationship and status are still in tact. Seems like his other half does in fact believe people can change. Their status anyway.

But what I really wonder is if changing status is a purely romanTECH gesture? Or is it a self-inflicted digital cock-block really meant to ensure other romanTECH interests don't tempt us? Kind of like an anorexic dumping salt all over their food so they don't eat it. Okay that's not a pretty metaphor, but I bet you get it.

Texting Baracks!

2008-11-06T22:06:00.021-05:00

Now that we have a president in place that knows how to text message properly, everything else should be cream cheese. Can you name that movie?

Just a quick shout-out for our president-elect for using some of our favorite courting tacTECHS to campaign for American hearts. If you haven't signed up you can still receive updates from Barack via text or twitter: Obama Mobile

Putting the ate into Date...

2008-10-20T23:51:00.013-04:00

On a lark the lovely people at Michelin let me test drive their new 2009 restaurant guide in exchange for a little taste of the NYC dating scene. My observation: dating in Manhattan yields many text messages, IMs and Facebook wall posts but not that many appetizers, main courses and desserts. To find out what happens when my dates go beyond 3 vodka sodas, check it out:
Michelin Guides

Special thanks to my 3 HDs (hot dates) for being such good sports. Hugs: best first date ever. Franks: don't kill me. P-did: glad we got some QT, cutie. XOXO

Good Thing I Was Hugged As A Child...

2008-10-07T19:06:00.005-04:00

...to survive those comments! Wowza, you all are gangster. "She-mails" (guys posting as girls), friends and frenemies included. But that's why they don't call it the "blahhh"-gosphere...If, however you are still feeling enraged by the days' comments, take a time-out and read: Case of the Mistaken Text. I promise you'll feel better.

But as a quick point of clarity for some readers that may have missed it: I definitely don't consider myself an expert, but rather someone who is discovering, commenting and often laughing at the state of romanTECH affairs today. Oh and even though its not about how I look: I <3 you Paul86. Reveal yourself ;)

Busted: You Didn't Mention You Were On Match.com

2008-10-06T00:32:00.005-04:00

Let me get this out of the way: there is no shame in online dating. That is unless someone you are dating spots you on there.

I don't have a profile on Match.com -- not that I'm opposed to it -- I did afterall meet one of my boyfriends on Friendster back in the day (hola). He told me I had to tell his parents we met through friends...my first clue that it would never work out. Anyway -- I was trolling dudes 24-35 (and must say the selection was not that shabby) with a gal pal who recently joined and I spotted a prospective that looked kind of adorable. But when we clicked on his picture and his headline opened up to something that sounded bizzarely familiar: "Looking for a partner-in-crime to tear up NYC," I realized why. It was someone I was kind of seeing. I couldn't decide what shocked me more the fact that he used the line "tear it up" in his opener or that he was actually looking for a serious girlfriend. Maybe because a romantic night for us was defined by a round of erotic photo hunt (babes obviously) and that the nicest places we ever went to were qualified by air conditioning, I never got the message that he wanted something serious. Then it hit me. Maybe he did, just not with me.

Please don't feel bad, we weren't a match(.com) for the above reasons. But, I must say, that after reading his profile and similar digital pleas from cute guys that "were sick of meeting girls in bars" and want someone they "are happy just watching Netflix with" I was surprised by the refreshing dose of honesty. At first glance you couldn't imagine that any of these polo wearing boys -- with bros strategically cropped out for their head shots -- were interested in anything beyond Southern Comfort night at the new Brother Jimmy's. But seeing their romanTECH online confessions juxtaposed next to their confidently preppy pics revealed a little vulnerabity that chicks, or at least I dig (kind of like when you see a hot dude with an arm cast). And just as I was thinking how counter-"e"tuitive it was that Match.com could be the least superficial of all the online dating sites a guy friend, that's on the site, let me know that in an attempt to up the interest in his page he added "staying home and cooking" to his profile. The result: his (f)e-mails almost doubled...

Make Face Time?

2008-09-25T16:33:00.037-04:00

Dentyne's new "Face Time" ad campaign shuns RomanTECH encounters suggesting we unplug via "the Original Instant Message" (a kiss) and accept friends in our arms instead of on our Facebook pages.

Though a romanTECH junky -- and a believer that technology can give us warm and fuzzies (and if you don't agree talk to me after reading your Facebook wall on your birthday) IM still a fan of the campaign and think they should create an execution around "Online Dating" -- featuring, of course, a couple meeting on a real line at Starbucks. Any other ideas? C'mon punny peeps...xo

A Picture is NOT Worth 1000 Words

2008-09-03T21:01:00.028-04:00

The short week following labor day has made me realize 2 things: 1) I am officially over gladiator sandals and 2) a (Facebook) picture is not worth 1000 words.

After gazing at dozens of uploaded last-blast celebrations hitting Facebook this week I couldn't help but wonder if all these "Fun Times @ Fire Island"-esque albums represent the reality of our lives. Are we really having that much fun or are these manufactured "images" that we want others to see?

Recently a close bud was caught in a Gossip-Girlsesque ring when he was "spotted" in a series of photos taken while he was away with a plutonic friend.

From the classic face-to-face hand held shots to strategically cropped beach photos with dualing Ray-bans the "e"-vidence was there. When a romanTECH interest confronted him about these pics his answer was suprisingly enlightened: What you don't see on Facebook is what I was thinking and feeling all weekend. I'm not sure he realized it, but he was on to something. Our photos don't really tell the true stories of our lives and experiences. Instead they allow us to construct an "image" of our experiences that is cropped, edited, tagged and ultimately debuted to a very interested audience -- our "friends" -- that have opted in. An album of Facebook photos provides a glimpse into 30 seconds over the course of three days. What it portrays can be as easily manipulated as editting 3 weeks of "reality" into 30 minutes of "reality TV." And if reality TV mirrored reality then The Hills would need to be a full hour so they would have enough time to create front-braids in Lauren Conrad's hair between scenes.

So what is the point? Maybe all the photo uploading is making us a generation of "posers" -- people more concerned with capturing and uploading the right moment then living it.

Facebook Updates: The New TMI

2008-08-20T16:57:00.033-04:00

The line between updating your Facebook status and vomitting your personal life on your 400 + friends has gotten blurrier than a Hoboken St.Patty's day.

So what's the deal with everyone being status update-obsessed lately? Is it simply our love of refering to ourselves in the third person or is digital documentation giving us a greater sense of importance? After all if a tree falls and no one sees it, did it really fall? It seems the updates that are popping up most often can fall into four benign buckets:

1) Random thoughts: "Alley...thinks Sue is a great name for a lawyer."
2) Updates that actually provide information: "Josh is...excited to be an uncle."
3) Culturally relevant anecdotes: "Colby...can't help but notice the women and horses on Mad Men both respond to rough handling."
4) Cryptic commentary: "Greg is...living the dream." Sidenote: I've been seeing these a lot lately and they make me laugh most. I mean if you're trying to be mysterious, here's a hint: don't update your Facebook status.

But it is the fifth category that is most worrisome: TMI updates. From friends saying they are "...excited to spoon their favorite person later" to "Kristina is...so f&#$ing pissed off" these digital overshares are a small but growing faction of status updates on Facebook and can really throw a wrench in our romanTECH affairs. Recently, one of my friends went out with a girl and got home to see that she was "...excited about new possibilities." He argued, that this instant-message-in-a-bottle was sent to a sea of friends when it should have just been directed to him. I argue that a text message stating that would have been worst. IN any event he never followed up with her, and asked me cockily, "think she got the message?"

After thinking long and hard about why this chica chose an external monologue I started to think that maybe in a way its a safer (though passive aggressive) way to show your feelings to a romanTECH interest. Afterall there is no guarantee your love interest will see your post and in the case that they do and feel the same way, its a win win. In the case they do and don't feel the same way you could always play it off and say you were talking about DVR, I mean are they that "e"-go-centric that they think your status is about them?

Best Face(book) Forward

2008-08-13T22:51:00.020-04:00

Of course everyone is looking to put their best Face Forward, but sometimes Facebook pics feel like false advertising. But if you want to add some truth to the equation check out an amazing blog post on Two Birds One Feather (Thanks Annie!) that calls out the top 20 Facebook poses for guys.

The two archetypes I encounter most frequently are Prepster at a Function aka "date me and your future will be filled with matching your dresses to my bow tie collection and fetching me Glenfidich" and The Wacky Fun Guy Shot aka "I swear I didn't stage this photo, my life is really just this spontaneous and crazy." Right, and I just didn't untag myself out of six unflattering Facebook pics from an album titled "Too Legit to Quit."

Noticably missing from the list however are:

Man's Best Friend - a classic PG pose, which shows potential love interests that "if you take me home the worst that can happen is I'll mistake your leg for another golden retreiver."

Always a Groomsmen, Never a Groom - a smug, passive agressive way to tell the world "better him than me."

I'm with Alyssa Milano - any facebook profile shot with an actress that played a hot girl next door character (Wanda from Doogie Houser; Winnie Cooper from Wonder Years, etc) likely inducing the profilers first "shwing" tells potential suitors that "I have arrived."

**Disclaimer: All three guy-friends pictured above have not been harmed in the writing of this entry.

Great Textpectations

2008-08-06T23:34:00.006-04:00

I am not expecting text messages as inspired as Charles Dickens novels, but I do have certain textpectations--some of them greater than others--especially during the summer, when travel schedules make dating in NYC feel like you're trying to hold a fist full of water. But, if somehow between weekend trips to Fire Island and your share in Manasquan, you are in town the same weekend of your love interest, then its likely that the stakes (and textpectations) are higher. By the time that Thursday text message floats into your inbox, "you in town this weekend" and you respond with something like "at last, i am." And hear those three little words: "let's meet up" you (and they) know its on...Or is it?

Much to my shagrin these premeditated "meet ups" often turn into more of a cat and mouse game of texting that turns a night out with pals into a one of two distractions 1)Trying to lure your love interest to the bar you are at with your friends..."hey guys, how long we going to be here." or 2)Debating whether you should troll out of your comfort zone to eastern locations unchartered since your first year out of college..."is Third and Long the one next to 515?"

Recently I was out with a group of friends and after a series of witty and flirtatious ping-pong texts with a romanTECH interest--who I swear has the opposite summer schedule as me--sent me his sans humor, bottom line at approximately 12:40: "really wanna c u. come here." Me, flattered by his bold choice ditched my crowd to meet the potential boo. When I got there however, potential boo he was not. Instead he was hypnotized by some pay-per-view fight and gave me a hey along with a high five. No joke: I almost blacked out. Believe me, I wasn't expecting rose petals a la Coming to America, but a drink on his tab and glad to see you would have gotten him farther then he probably realized ;) Feeling weird I did the natural thing, grabbed myself a drink, slugged it and said my good-byes. He, acting unaffected by my "ciao for now," quickly shot me a series of text messsages ranging in degrees of desperation from "Why did you leave" to "Where are you" to the simply stated "?."

Maybe it was harsh, but I was let down by the built-up meet-up and even more deflated by the fact that his actions and texts were sending different messages. In some ways I remain traditional in my thinking: actions speak louder than words (even when they are typed).

From Bromance to Homance

2008-08-04T20:35:00.017-04:00

Lately it seems like Bromance has been popping up faster than stories about Madonna's plastic surgery. Most recently I had an encounter of the man-kindness at Delicatessen.

Though catching googlie-eyed guy-on-guy action is massively entertaining I was starting to feel left out of the equation. That is untill my 15 year old nephew inadvertly coined a phrase while excluding me from a game of Madden. He told me that I was jealous of his boy-QT and that I needed to hang with my sisters and get some Homance. Too which I maturely scolded him: "silence man-boy," while simultaneously realizing that he had paved the way for a slew of phrases that would capture modern romance (and sometimes the lack there of...).

Enter dinner at Delicatessen (everything comes full circle). While observing the Bromance pictured above my gal-pals and I enjoyed a Homance of our own and came up with the following:

Fauxmance (when everyone thinks you're a great "match" with the person you're dating...except you)
Po'mance (when the guy you're dating doesn't pay)
Fromance (when you are dating someone with hair out of a Super Bad)
Shit Showmance (when you're dating someone and the only public activity you participate in together is binge drinking)
Lindsey Lomance (when you are dating someone for an emotional versus physical connection)
Blowmance (when you're dating someone but refuse to go all the way)

Anyone have more? Give it a go-mance. I'll stop now.

Are You Trying to Network or Date Me?

2008-07-11T12:37:00.011-04:00

Technology allows us to create networks and relationships faster then we can say "Wanna Be My Facebook" friend, but is this good news or bad news for our romanTECH connections? Once upon a time a guy used to get a girl's number because he wanted to date her. But now he may follow up for a variety of obnoxious reasons including career advancement..."do you have a contact at Wired magazine" or worst case scenario: she has a hot friend.

This morning I talked to a co-worker and had a bit of an A-ha-ha moment: our ability to network is adding a barrier to understanding our "suitors" intentions. How many gals have met a guy of interest at a party or bar and left frustrated at the lack of digits requested, only to be greeted by a Facebook request from them 48 hours later. These signals can be confusing. Are you trying to find your cousin an internship or eventually get into my pants?

My co-worker "L" told me a highly entertaining story about a group-texting tale that illustrates the phenomenon of "net-working-it." "L" was at a party with a girlfriend where they both met the same guy through a group of friends and both, unknowingly, gave him their digits. Interestingly L didn't feel any romance, but obliged because honestly its more awkward to say no. During the post-mortum discussion with her girlfriend L mentioned the text she received: "hey it was great to meet you last night" which was met with a chuckle when her girlfriend revealed identical "text" on her RAZR from the same guy. They both laughed at this loser-08 who was so obviously working the room for leads it was like he was at a career fair. And appropriately his follow-up was as impersonal as a cut and pasted interview thank-you with the wrong name in the heading.

Having fallen prey to this oddd phenomenon of blurred dating and networking tactics I have one message to dudes: like us for the important stuff, like because we're hot.