Mistexts We Make

The other day I texted a girlfriend who I haven't chatted with in a while and typed "Hey lazy!" instead of "Hey lady." This social fail isn't so uncommon as I learned recently from the blog Damn You Auto Correct by Jillian Madison -- a curated collection of some of the world's most hilarious and embarrassing mistexts mistakes. For anyone that thinks my lazy comment was bad, check out some of the doozies on her blog. Here's my favorite in the spirit of Halloween week.

Anyone else have any good ones? Browse more blunders in her book Damn You Auto Correct on Amazon.

OK Stupid: The Worst Introduction Known to Man

The golden rules of online dating should go something like this: Thou shalt never describe thyself as a "people person," use a profile picture from a web cam or openly disclose that we live with our parents. So you can imagine my surprise when my adorable friend and blogger, Sara of Searching for Sustenance, forwarded me the following email from a guy that approached her on OK Stupid Cupid.

Hi dont know how to start, its been a while since i'm writing to some one, lol, any ways let me be honest, you have written sooo beautifully that i'm sooo impressed, soo honest, i'm not going to praise you that you are sooo beautiful blah blah that you know already and i'm sure been told plenty of time, and may be every day. Presently i'm living with my parents and looking for a house to move in, its been only 6 months since i'm here, in a couple of months i'm moving out.

I looked at your profile couldnt able to stop my self to take out time from work and write you a letter, i'm gonna call this a letter its not a message lol, i really like you as a person not that you are beautiful but i dont know i like you, i've been blessed with every thing, but not every thing, its a saying, god never makes every one complete, with me i've never been blessed with a woman in my life, may be i'm too sincere and girls like bad guys, no seriously all the good looking girls in my school used to date really bad guys knowingly that those are bad guys still, and ive been told always that neil you are a really nice guy but i like him or that person, lol, sooo thats a part of my story

Its my humble request, if you could honor me with your friendship, i assure you i will leave no stone unturned to give you all the care and attention what is required in a friendship. I really dont know how to write to a girl but i tried my best to explain. If you dont like what i wrote please forgive and i apologize in advance and if you think i deserve your friendship, please do reply me, i'll be anxiously waiting for your reply!"

Thank you,
Neil

This email is so sad and heinous that disecting what is wrong with it is sort of like trying to to explain what is wrong with Sarah Palin--and no one has time for that. But here's some advice for online romeos trying to compose some introductory bate: if you have to "apologize in advance" for what you are saying, you shouldn't say it. Also sounding like you wrote an email with one hand down your pants is about as appealing as actually seeing you do it.

The Fugly Truth! A Dating Site for the Aesthetically Challenged

This week I have to give a techromance shout out to the Brits. First they brought us the dating website I Love Your Accent which we covered a few months back that matches Americans with hot Brits, Irishmen and Aussies -- now they bring us The Ugly Bug Ball (TUBB) -- a dating site that pairs the "aesthetically challenged."

In prep for the launch they even conducted a survey that proves the "ugly truth" on dating. My personal favorite "ah-ha" from the study: Ugly people try harder in bed. Did they fact check that with Philip Seymour Hoffman's wife? HA.

In any event, I think its incredibly romanTECH and well, ugly-sexy. I just wouldn't recommend it to anyone...directly. What do you all think?

Live Action Facebook

This is the funniest thing I've seen in a while. Special thanks to Abby for sending along! I hope these guys do a sequel to include SuperPokes...would love to see them throw live stock at each other.

Texting Your Way to Love

If you all haven't seen it, take a look...its hilarious. Thanks to Ricebird for posting!

My favorite insight is that people try and take even a benign comment and make it sexy. Their example about the girl saying: "Work sucks" And the guy saying: "Yeah it does let's run away" cracks me up! What a clever bridge to the sex message. Another classic strategy is to mention anything sleep related:

"You asleep yet?"
"Headed to bed, you?"
"On the couch taking a nap, what r u doing?"

Let me know if you have any good ones...in need of some new material. I kid!

Mistaken Texts Take 2...

Thank you all for the entertaining responses and stories!

I had to call out one of my favorite responses to "A Case of a Mistaken Text" -- a post that proves we can rise above even our worst techno-pas. And if it makes you feel better anonymous, know that I feel your pain, I once had a close call with two Matts, the 6th most popular name for guys in 1980, the year I was born. Cristina is ranked #15 for girls BTW...don't beat yourself up.

About 6 months ago in a half drunken stupor I sent a late night text to an old girlfriend. I asked her if she would be interested in a late night rendezvous at a bar that we both frequent. Now I have to preface the remainder of this story by telling you that I have in my life attracted an inordinate number of girls with the name Christine... or some mild variation... Christie, Kristen, etc... A very generic name in today's society I know... Much to my surprise the text I sent did not reach the person I intended it for. A completely different girl showed up. This left me with a bit or a moral dilemma... Did I A)pretend that the right girl had shown up, or B) apologize profusely and explain the situation... I went with option C). I didn't think it was fair to lead anyone on so I made up some lame excuse to leave abruptly... not sure if it was the right thing to do, but it definitely seemed like the best way to spare her feelings and I wanted to be a gentleman.

A Case of a Mistaken Text

For people living outside of Manhattan, the end of a date presents three options:
1)Play by the rules and pony up for a $40 cab back to your borough.
2)Spend the night at your date's Manhattan apartment because the thought of a cab ride thru a dimly lit tunnel makes you more nauseous than the sipping tequila you downed at dinner. Let them know you are only staying because "you can't make it home" and therefore will only permit a limited amount of shenanigans.
3)Go for it and proudly wipe the black eyeliner from under your eyes as you walk to the Path train the next morning.

Late last summer after a fun Tuesday night with the guy I was seeing, I hopped a cab from the Fat Black Pussy Cat to 128 Adams Street, my old Hoboken address. Within about 10 minutes of the ride I heard the da-ding of my text which elicited a Pavlovian-like stomach flip. I opened my phone expecting a sweet message of the "had fun...get home safe" variety. You'll understand my surprise when I saw:

"F that, she went back to Hoboken. Be home soon"

If its possible, I felt flattered, objectified and entertained all at the same time. I texted back:

"Clearly that message was about me but not meant for me....HA! Think you meant your roomate"

He responded "Woops, I'm really sorry about that. Let's hang this weekend."

Interestingly I didn't hold his techno-pas against him. He turned what could have been a deal-breaker into one of the more honest conversations I had ever experienced via text. I thought that if in one night I could realize that a guy liked me enough to be disappointed that I left and still man enough to ask me out after he clearly made an ass out of himself, maybe I should have stayed with him that night afterall. Then again if I did, I would have never realized he really liked me. Yes, I recongnize the irony there.

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