Tuesday, April 13, 2010

The New Open Relationships

From Tiger's teXXXts to Jesse James' e-rotic indiscretions the current romanTECH landscape is turning me off (thougth it's obviously still turning others on :).

I used to think women that checked their BFs phones and Fbooks were psychotic, controlling and paranoid. But the other night I became one when I barked at my poor BF who was on Facebook looking at a series of pics from a group of twentysomething girls. When I asked "who are you trolling" he responded with those three little words every gal wants to hear, "my cousin Amy." Whew, I thought for now. But am I turning psychotech?

According to Retrevo a consumer electronic blog 36% of couples in a committed relationship check each others emails and phones. Though I never want to be that girl, I started talking to guy friends and girl friends to see what is normal when it comes to monitoring our significant others' technology.

While I thought the majority would think this practice was crazy a number of girls confessed that they regularly check their BFs phone and two said their guys even let them go through their call logs and texts as a sign of solidarity in their relationship. One of my best guy friends, who is dating another guy, told me recently that a paramount moment of their relationship was giving him the key...to unlock his cell phone. Apparently he has an Iphone and gave his significant other the key to unlock it so he can access movie times and download music when he isn't around. "Why not?" he asked, "the most exciting thing on my phone these days is a travelocity app."

So what do we think about these very open relationship? Is access to each others technology the ultimate sign of commitment or is keeping our partner on a short leash the same thing as treating them like a dog?


  1. I think this is a big problem in most relationships. I know my cousin & her boyfriend often fight about who he's talking to on his phone. & one of my good friends found out that his wife was cheating on him due to pictures on her MySpace page. As far as my realtionship goes, my husband gives me full access to his phone & FB page as I do him. BUT in return, as a show of trust & faith in each other, we do not abuse the privilege by constantly checking them. I honestly cannot remember the last time I "checked" my husbands phone. While I do hit up his FB page daily, it's simply because I am a Farmville addict & I send myself gifts from his page >.< But then again, I trust my husband 100% to never be doing something unfaithful behind my back. I think that's the underlying issue when couples are checking each other's technologies.

  2. Funny because even though Erica "Bernanke" carefully monitors our daily banking...I have none of his other passwords--b berry, email... Should I?

  3. We live in an evolving technological culture which is in direct contrast to what is healthy for monogamous relationships. That being said, privacy and trust are important but the reality is the vast amount of grossness out there makes weak people vulnerable (not just men either). I think a check periodically keeps people honest and keep you informed. Who wants to be a Sandra or an Elan...apparently they were not checking...:(

  4. What's so bad about a short (tight) leash and being treated like a dog?

    woof woof!

  5. mimiokeefe makes an excellent point about how our evolving technological culture is in direct contrast to what is health for monogamous relations. But, what about open relationships, I think it supports this other less talked about relationship structure more. I was just reading https://www.slixa.com/late-night/436-book-review-opening-up-a-guide-to-creating which illustrates this point well. A great followup read to this topic if you have a few minutes