Is Social Media a Loop Hole for Cheating?

While technology is often the catalyst that helps bring two people together, it can also be the thing that can ultimately tear them apart. Now we've all heard horror stories of techromance gone bad. Finding disturbing pornography on a significant other's computer, discovering an account they use to troll Craigslist for encounters in airport bathrooms and of course the email hack where you find out they boned their college sweetheart at the wedding where they were conveniently invited without a date. But there is also a more subtle form of cheating that can take place online--one that is almost more disturbing because it is less defined and harder to navigate. It happens in the form of comments, messages and tweets exchanged, a kind of digital flirting that creates a sense of intimacy that is questionable for someone in a relationship.




Photo via TechCunch and @adanzis

 

A Facebook study by the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers found 80 percent of divorce attorneys say they have seen an increase in the number of cases using social networking evidence during the past five years. Licensed psychologists, Steven Kimmons, PhD, of Loyola University shares the following: "We are coming across it more and more. One spouse connects online with someone they knew from high school. The person is emotionally available and they start communicating through Facebook. Within a short amount of time, the sharing of personal stories can lead to a deepened sense of intimacy, which in turn points the couple to get in contact." 

On twitter I see the worlds of tweeting and flirting colliding more every day. There is even a word for it called flittering and some users will go as far as warning against this kind of behavior in their twitter bio.

These anecdotes and examples lead me to the question of the hour: is it still cheating if the relationship only exists on Facebook, Twitter or another social networking site? To get my head around this loaded topic I reached out to Meryl Cooper, a wise friend and author of Be Your Own Best Publicist. I figured if anyone could bring social clarity to a subjective situation it would be her. During a train ride conversation we talked about the difference between fantasy and reality and she shared the following: "You are dealing with edited images of people that go way beyond photos. People manufacture their images online so it's easy to fall prey. But recognize it's likely more of a fantasy, you aren't seeing any warts. It's the same reason you fall in love with Jake Ryan or other charming figures. They key is to draw the line for yourself. If you feel uneasy about it or would hide it from your partner you probably ventured into dangerous territory."

Maybe there is just something about technology and sex that is almost impossible to separate. But where does that lead us? My advice: keep your online "friends" close but you significant other closer.

The New Open Relationships

From Tiger's teXXXts to Jesse James' e-rotic indiscretions the current romanTECH landscape is turning me off (thougth it's obviously still turning others on :).


I used to think women that checked their BFs phones and Fbooks were psychotic, controlling and paranoid. But the other night I became one when I barked at my poor BF who was on Facebook looking at a series of pics from a group of twentysomething girls. When I asked "who are you trolling" he responded with those three little words every gal wants to hear, "my cousin Amy." Whew, I thought for now. But am I turning psychotech?

According to Retrevo a consumer electronic blog 36% of couples in a committed relationship check each others emails and phones. Though I never want to be that girl, I started talking to guy friends and girl friends to see what is normal when it comes to monitoring our significant others' technology.

While I thought the majority would think this practice was crazy a number of girls confessed that they regularly check their BFs phone and two said their guys even let them go through their call logs and texts as a sign of solidarity in their relationship. One of my best guy friends, who is dating another guy, told me recently that a paramount moment of their relationship was giving him the key...to unlock his cell phone. Apparently he has an Iphone and gave his significant other the key to unlock it so he can access movie times and download music when he isn't around. "Why not?" he asked, "the most exciting thing on my phone these days is a travelocity app."

So what do we think about these very open relationship? Is access to each others technology the ultimate sign of commitment or is keeping our partner on a short leash the same thing as treating them like a dog?

To Catch a Tiger

You go Elin.

First you won our hearts by getting crazy eyes and clubbing Tiger when you suspected he was cheating. Now you prove your prowess again by setting up a late night textual "booby" trap using Tiger's own phone to prove his affair.


Today the Daily Mail reports the back story behind how Elin discovered that Tiger was cheating. Apparently Elin was suspicious of his relationship with Uchitel. In a not so brilliant move to prove that he was "innocent" Tiger had Elin chat with Uchitel directly, you know to see that she was just your typicall-girl next door (did you catch that :). After their chat Elin played the blonde, Swedish, nanny card pretending she believed their relationship was platonic while pocketing Tiger's phone and texting Uchitel as if she were him later that night. Love the Tiger trap Elin!