She's Just Not That Into You

This week a few unfortunate conversations with guy friends left me with a fortunate thought for women everywhere -- she's just not that into you could be the new he's just not that into you.

Although I felt for these blokes, the forever single girl in me was mildly satisfied to observe a power shift and watch guys, like many girls before them, fish for excuses for not getting their affections returned. Now when women make excuses for guys not showing them love they generally channel their creative problem solving skills to come up with reasons why. But when the tables are turned, I've heard guys hypothesize that perhaps the girl is just making them work for it. But most likely this is NOT the case. So for all my male readers and friends, she is not playing ultra hard to get -- she's just not that into you. 

She's Just Not That Into You If...

1. She responds to your text messages as "who's this" because she hasn't programmed you into her phone

2. You have a lot of "Hi"s with blank spaces under them directed to her on Facebook chat

3. She never bothers to cook you anything

4. She never bothers to pay for anything


5.  Her ex boyfriend plays bass in a band you have actually seen in concert


6. You say "we need to go out." She says "definitely." You say "Wednesday?" She never responds.

7. She needs another "girls" night

8. She doesn't show up to your birthday party or comment on your photos from it

9. You try and sext her and she responds "LOL"

10. Her name is Amelie or Noel

11. The thought of you, her and third base immediately conjures up associations with ZogSports 

12. She's going to have a "big night" Saturday, but could be up to hang with you on Sunday

Ladies, do you agree?

He Gives Bad Text

Technology continues to fill in the gaps in our sex lives and relationships. In fact, the rate feels like it's accelerating. Last week I was struck with horror at Cloud Girlfriends, a service that lets guys create fake girlfriends on Facebook. But just when I was starting to think that even the virtual dating world exists through a male lens, I discovered Text Boyfriend a site that lets the ladies fulfill their Techromance fantasies with 3 texts a week from a digital BF. Their website exclaims that for just $1.99 a week women can get "Just the perfect amount of sweetness -- no overtexting, no drama. He's fun and cute and he's all about you!"

Freaking hilarious and actually insightful, especially given the sad state of text messages that get sent to women these days. To see just how low a guy will go when it comes to texting, I asked the sassiest bloggodessses out there to share some of the worst text messages they have ever received.

Miss Taylorcast of the Urban Dater:

"hi, i am busy this evening dear. maybe tomorrow you can come over and ride me."

"I am expecting to get yelled at so just text me. I won't pick up if you call. I called you a bitch cause you were being one."

MissMelissaMae

"So wt u bin up too?"

"Heyy miss hws lyfe treatn u?"

"When kan we fuck"

SingleMuch:

"Too bad you don't like dirty pics, would show you how hard I am."

"Come over. lol."

Some of the gems I have received:

"leaving work soon, pour a glass of wine so it's ready for me"

"F-that she went back to Hoboken, be home soon" (a mistaken text I received from a guy after I took a cab back to Hoboken after our date)

All I can say is these guys give bad text! Although Text Boyfriend might not be a substitute for a real man at least he serves to remind us of the good things that should come. PS: Just realized if you remove the words Text Boyfriend from that sentence I could be talking about a vibrator.

Is Social Media a Loop Hole for Cheating?

While technology is often the catalyst that helps bring two people together, it can also be the thing that can ultimately tear them apart. Now we've all heard horror stories of techromance gone bad. Finding disturbing pornography on a significant other's computer, discovering an account they use to troll Craigslist for encounters in airport bathrooms and of course the email hack where you find out they boned their college sweetheart at the wedding where they were conveniently invited without a date. But there is also a more subtle form of cheating that can take place online--one that is almost more disturbing because it is less defined and harder to navigate. It happens in the form of comments, messages and tweets exchanged, a kind of digital flirting that creates a sense of intimacy that is questionable for someone in a relationship.




Photo via TechCunch and @adanzis

 

A Facebook study by the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers found 80 percent of divorce attorneys say they have seen an increase in the number of cases using social networking evidence during the past five years. Licensed psychologists, Steven Kimmons, PhD, of Loyola University shares the following: "We are coming across it more and more. One spouse connects online with someone they knew from high school. The person is emotionally available and they start communicating through Facebook. Within a short amount of time, the sharing of personal stories can lead to a deepened sense of intimacy, which in turn points the couple to get in contact." 

On twitter I see the worlds of tweeting and flirting colliding more every day. There is even a word for it called flittering and some users will go as far as warning against this kind of behavior in their twitter bio.

These anecdotes and examples lead me to the question of the hour: is it still cheating if the relationship only exists on Facebook, Twitter or another social networking site? To get my head around this loaded topic I reached out to Meryl Cooper, a wise friend and author of Be Your Own Best Publicist. I figured if anyone could bring social clarity to a subjective situation it would be her. During a train ride conversation we talked about the difference between fantasy and reality and she shared the following: "You are dealing with edited images of people that go way beyond photos. People manufacture their images online so it's easy to fall prey. But recognize it's likely more of a fantasy, you aren't seeing any warts. It's the same reason you fall in love with Jake Ryan or other charming figures. They key is to draw the line for yourself. If you feel uneasy about it or would hide it from your partner you probably ventured into dangerous territory."

Maybe there is just something about technology and sex that is almost impossible to separate. But where does that lead us? My advice: keep your online "friends" close but you significant other closer.

Is Match.com the Olive Garden of Dating?

There is absolutely no stigma in dating online, that is as long as you aren't using Match.com. Sure their commercials try to give compelling statistics like "more dates than on any other site"-- a stat as convincing as when Patti Stanger says she is a matchmaker "with a very high success rate" during the intro to The Millionaire Matchmaker.

So why has Match.com hit its tipping point for the young, hip, urban set? Think about Match.com as the Olive Garden of dating sites. Everyone gets in and everything on the menu is just okay. You eat the endless bowl of salad and breadsticks because it's there, not because it satisfies you. So what's the alternative? Well as the huddled masses have flocked to Match.com, more young, urban professionals have migrated to sites where they can have a more curated dating experience. It's sort of like going to a small under the radar bar or social club instead of hanging out at a chain restaurant. The fact that people know about it speaks to their level of taste and curiosity--plus you're not left flipping through an endless menu of options with the feeling that everything looks better than it actually is.

So without further adieu, here it is, a rundown of dating sites that give you an alternative from the norm and inject some much needed life into the category. Would you try one?

Alikewise: With the cute tag line "dating by the book," this site appropriately matches book nerds. Although a quick scan revealed more characters than hotties we all know judging a book by its cover can be a major no no. The upside? Meet a mate on here and they might actually understand your dog Daisy is not named after a MTV VJ from the 90s.

Taste Buds: Remember falling for someone because they made you a mix tape that changed your life? Okay that never happened to me, but I believe it happens to others. This site hooks you up with mates based on your favorite song. P.S. if you say it's written by Phoenix or The National expect some stiff competition.

Chirp Me: Started by two brothers and a friend, this site is actually an app that runs through Facebook and twitter pairing you with friends of friends that have similar dining sensibilities. Although the founders look more likely to Yaeger Bomb than to help create a more culturally aligned dating experience, the concept seems promising. If this site doesn't work their plan B is to create a dating site for New Yorkers with a 973 phone number.

Why Dating Should Be More Like Twitter

Lately I've been spending more and more time on twitter. In fact I'm kind of in love with it. The conversations just seem more crisp, timely, interesting and hilarious then on any other social networking site and with an almost 200% increase in the volume of tweets in the past year, clearly I am not the only one falling for the site. I would also argue that any place attracting that much action must be doing something right and it got me thinking that maybe we could all attract some more attention if we applied some of twitter's golden rules to our dating lives. So here they are -- the top 6 things we could learn from twitter to gain some offline "followers" and love. What do you think?

1. Stop Talking About Yourself: Have you ever been on a date where the person won't stop talking about their Hamptons share, their fantasy football league and how EPIC their last best man's speech was? Yeah well that would never happen on twitter. Talking about yourself all the time gets you unfollowed as fast as tweeting IN CAPS LOCKED.

2. Be Funny: On twitter humor rules and "pick up lines" that mention how sexy you look go straight into your SPAM file. If only the real world was that simple.

3. Build Relationships: Twitter teaches us an important lesson when it comes to relationships--they should be built BEFORE you want something from someone. Wouldn't it be great if potential suitors looked to really build a relationship with you before they decide to um text you at 2:00am and ask if you're wearing a black bra?

4. Recognize Looks Aren't Everything: Twitter is probably the least superficial of all social networking sites. Unlike Facebook, MySpace and Instagram your profile pic is tiny in comparison to your personality, point of view and taste.

5. Get to the point: We've all endured weeks of texting and emailing with potential love interests when we are forced to ask the question "why are you asking me what I'm eating for lunch but won't ask if you can take me to dinner?" By nature, twitter's word limit makes people say what's on their mind. (Hint twitter boys: asking a girl out is a great use of DMing). Afterall, how can you put your foot in your mouth in 140 characters?

6. Show the love: On twitter there is no questioning if someone likes you or not. If they do, you'll know about it because you'll get @replys, retweets and #Follow Fridays showing affection. Wouldn't it be great if you knew where you stood every Friday with potential love interests?

Signs You're Dating Someone in Social Media

Inspired by a hilarious post at the Tumblr blog Ctrl+Alt+Adam titled how to know you're dating a Venture Capitalist, I decided to retort with a post on how to know you are dating someone that works in Social Media. Did I miss any?!

1. When they ask "what's your number?" they're referring to your Klout score not how many people you've slept with.

2. They want you to meet their Brooklyn friends first as part of their "influencer strategy."

3. Their last 3 relationships ended on twitter.

4. They roll their eyes because you didn't participate in Cheer Up Keanu Day last June.

5. They're too busy to call you during SXSW, yet not too busy to check in to different places every 11 minutes.

6. The abbreviation SoMe takes on a whole new meaning.

When Strangers Click & Creep

In an attempt to cure my Valentine's Day hangover, I decided to go with a hair of the dog remedy and watch the HBO special, When Strangers Click. The premise was simple and promising, a documentary that follows the journey of 5 couples who met online.

While I was hoping for stories about cute gays that met on GrindR and hipsters finding in each other in a sea of flannels and sending introductory emails exclaiming I'd shave my beard for you, what I got was very different. Instead of showing that online dating can be an honest way to connect for the 22% of couples that have reaped its benefits, it highlighted the freakish and awkward. From a couple that only contacted each other in second life to a woman who married a foreigner after knowing him for one day, these 5 stories reinforced the cliche that people who date online are living in an alternate reality, prolonging the inevitable disclosure of an epic deal breaker or lead a double life as a politician/sexual deviant(see story #2).

Trailer

Even the stats and figures in the film seem some what archaic. My personal favorite: the number one concern for a woman meeting a man online is that he is a serial killer, the number one concern for a man meeting a woman online is that she is fat. Maybe it is the truth and it was just the AOL dial up modem in the background throwing me off. I never thought I would say this, but this sh*t makes me long for eHarmony commercials, you know the one where the pretty boutique owner doesn't have time for love untill that adorable scruffy guy swings her around in a field of dandelions?! Sorry I couldn't resist.

Texts, Love & Other Drugs

Seeing Love & Other Drugs last night made me realize a few things: 1) The world would be a much better place if we heard I Wanna Praise You more often 2) 1996 can only look good on Jake Gyllenhal 3) Relationships are far less dramatic in 2010, thanks to the evolution of technology. And it got me wondering, is that a good thing or not?

Although I personally loved the movie, the way the couple communicated seemed about as prehistoric as the Liz Phair song SuperNova playing in the background. From monologues where he called her answering machine, "just to hear her voice" to late night calls where they poured emotions into cumbersome phones that resembled something that Zack Morris used to prank Mr.Belding, emotions in this film ran high. Fastforward to 2010 and unless you fell asleep and missed their 3:00am text messages, guys rarely call. And why would they wait in a bus station or airport for you to arrive back in your city when they could simply follow your check-in on Foursquare?

The fact that things have changed over the past 15 years isn't breaking news, but the effects that these changes have had on romantic relationship are just starting to reveal themselves. If you asked my mother she would say that she doesn't understand how girls today can accept dates made on texts or respond to guys that message them on "MyFace." The truth is that in modern times our preferred means of communciations -- texts, BBms and IMs -- give way to messages that are more likely to be funny and perverted than sweet and romantic. Take a scenario from one of my guy friends this pass weekend. When a cute girl he was dating G-Chatted him Friday and asked how he was going to celebrate T.G.I.F. He responded with..."well it starts with a V and ends with an A." She asked if he meant vodka and he typed: NO ;) Could you ever imagine a guy saying that to your face? They surely don't have the B.A.L.L.S.

Find the Apple of Your Iphone with Grindr

Let's set the record straight, when it comes to being the first to adopt new trends, no one can top the gays. During drinks last week, with two of my favorite gay men and bloggers Nando of Nandoism and JP Buchmeyer of Alphabet City Blog, I was turned on (by) and to a dating technology that has been capturing the hards hearts of gay men for the past decade--Grindr. For those of you that don't know about this technology, it goes something like this:


Download the Grindr app to your smart phone and you'll be able to search hotties in a small radius of your said location. You can even ping them and show them your profile to make sure the feeling is mutual before you decide to meet up. If you're feeling less ballsy you can just peruse the selection and choose your next stop based on the hottest population. Then when you run into the apple (of your Iphone) you can mention that you spotted them on Grindr or go with a simple "do you CUM here often?"

So all of this sounds amazing right? It kind of feels like a romanTECH trifecta borrowing on the most awesome parts of Match.com + Foursquare + Chatroulette. Just last April gay women adapted a identical app called Qrushr which has attracted 50,000 downloads since its inception. So why are the straights so far behind in the game? Out magazine argues that even though Grindr created an app for straights this summer the technology could pose a threat to all the single ladies because it puts them in stalker-esque situations. I think the the bigger problem in this model for straights is that while the gay population, always pragmatic, sees the tool as a way to hook up for the night, my guess is that it will amplify the often opposite agendas that exist among straight men and women. On an average night out girls are more likely looking for a number exchange while guys would be happier exchanging DNA. What do you all think? Will straights be the next to adopt the Grindr model and if so should they introduce a new name? Meetr, Nailr, Grind(her)?

Facing Up to Your Break Up On (Facebook)

Break ups are a bitch. From reclaiming your box of miscellaneous items from an ex's apartment to having to sample the white bean hummus alone at Trader Joe's -- it can be depressing. Add Facebook into the mix and it can be downright humiliating.

Unlike deleting a phone number in your cell phone, Facebook deletes and defriends are permanent. Plus you have an added audience of 500+ "friends" watching your newsfeed so word of your break up will travel faster than an STD moving from Pauly D to Angelina to the Situation.

Today a friend of mine filled me in on her recent break up and asked me to lend some "techs"pertise from my own dating disasters. Let me know if anyone has anything else to add!

1. Now that you are single, wait to mingle. Okay well wait at least 48 hours. Throwing single up too quickly can make you look desperate. If you need to act immediately the most dignified approach is to hide your status and then change it to single in a few days.

2. Bury your past. You can't untag yourself out of your own life, but if you were in a relationship for more than 6 months in your late twenties and early thirties you likely have photo albums with a minimum of: one vacation together, a birthday party at a dive bar in the east village and a destination wedding where you were forced to wear leis but couldn't wear shoes during the ceremony. Instead of deleting these albums take new photos that showcase your new single life. Make sure your new albums include fun titles like "Hollahween!" but nothing too obvious like "All the Single Ladies."

3. FB is for f*ck buddy. Enjoy the new ASSets of Facebook like Facebook Places and Friend Finder to get in touch with potential flames. Just don't start Fbook chatting someone you haven't talked to since an emotional over share in Peer Counseling your junior year of highschool.

4. Don't be a status seeker. Quoting Tori Amos or Death Cab for Cutie lyrics on your status updates is depressing. Step away from Lyrics.com and take a digital vacation from Fbook. This way you'll send the message that you have better things to do then obsess over Facebook (even if it isn't true).

The (Virtual) Girlfriend Experience

I am not the judgmental kind when it comes to love, sex and dating, but when it includes grown men maintaining relationships with virtual teenage girls I start to feel like a hockey mom on the Republican ticket.

Yesterday I read an article about LovePlus, a dating simulation game made for Nintendo DS that lets men establish romantic relationships with virtual highschool girls. Apparently these guys court their doe-eyed cartoons by using voice recognition software to strike up conversations and a screen clock that captures how much time they spend with their VGF (virtual girlfriend).

According to the website Global Nation Inquirer its creators, Konami Digital Entertainment, "have long thrilled young men obsessed with high-tech, manga, and anime, known as "otaku," by letting them chase virtual girls in the alternative universe of their digital dreams." The game was released in Japan last September and has become the country's leading virtual dating game selling 430,000 copies. That means there are more men with virtual girlfriends in Japan then there are single men in Manhattan.

Just in time for the games' one year anniversary Konami has partnered with Atami, a resort town in Japan, to create a special vacation experience where male visitors can use barcode technology at landmarks and take photos superimposing their anime gals. There are even creepy hotel rooms with two beds where they can use Augmented Reality to look through their phone and see their teenage girlfriend in a summer kimono. Although local hotels were skeptical at supporting this alternative lifestyle, the experience has boosted tourism attracting more than 2,000 male visiors to Atami. Looks like the honeymoon isn't over...

What do you all think? Is Love Plus and its accompanying resort experience yet another way that relationships can morph over time or is it an unatural evilution of technology?

The Fugly Truth! A Dating Site for the Aesthetically Challenged

This week I have to give a techromance shout out to the Brits. First they brought us the dating website I Love Your Accent which we covered a few months back that matches Americans with hot Brits, Irishmen and Aussies -- now they bring us The Ugly Bug Ball (TUBB) -- a dating site that pairs the "aesthetically challenged."

In prep for the launch they even conducted a survey that proves the "ugly truth" on dating. My personal favorite "ah-ha" from the study: Ugly people try harder in bed. Did they fact check that with Philip Seymour Hoffman's wife? HA.

In any event, I think its incredibly romanTECH and well, ugly-sexy. I just wouldn't recommend it to anyone...directly. What do you all think?

Going the Distance?

During previews for Eat, Pray Love last night I saw a trailer for Going the Distance, the new Drew Barrymore movie that attempts to portray the adorable hardships of a long distance relationship between San Fran and New York. This may be an unpopular perspective, but I think that long distance dating may be easier than dating someone in your zipcode.

On a flight from Toronto a few weeks ago a chatty passenger confessed his current situation to me: he had the perfect relationship until his girl moved to his city. When they were dating long distance from Atlanta to New York he described having amazing weekend visits that he likened to vacation sex with 5 day delays that were filled with hot text messages and Facebook status countdowns of when they would see each other next. When she came to New York their weekends were filled with west village brunches and friends' bday parties where their biggest "conflict" was how he should introduce her. Now that she is in New York however, its all about where its going, what their status is and why they don't spend more time together.

A gal pal of mine has also gone bi...coastal and after drinks last week she confessed that she had a "date" with her long distance dude. Translation: she would sex message with him while catching up on DVRed episodes of Project Runway. She said she had to give him QT because he was moving apartments that weekend and would be out of touch for a few days. Wait, I said you get to watch Project Runway during sex and you don't have to help him move?

Sounds like a sweet deal, or is it? Are long distance relationships a testament to how technology has enhanced our lives or are they yet another way we maintain our own space and avoid real commitment?

Location Based Stalking: Foursquare is Creepy

Facebook stalking is so common now a days, that I actually think its offensive if someone takes you out without doing some online research. Its kind of like going into a job interview and asking the employer to tell you about the company.
But the social media world can also go too far when it takes the information that is at our finger tips and lets us use it to put people under our thumbs. A good friend was at the beach in LBI two weekends ago and was uploading photos and commenting about the fun he was having. Fastforward 3 hours later and he gets a text from a girl he has been casually seeing asking him what he was doing. He responded that he was down at LBI and she commented back "OMG me too!"Coincidence? He thinks not. FourSquare, the mobile GPS that lets you check in to locations is also propelling this trend. A good girlfriend recently checked into a bar and was shocked when an ex walked in shortly thereafter. He said he was in the neighborhood, saw she was there and wanted to say hi. That night she earned the socially awkward badge.

I hate to be a romanTECH pessimists but according to the New York Observer's report on research released this week from Forester 80%of Foursquare users are educated white males -- wait isn't that the same profile as a serial killer? Ok I am praying that people continue to use this technology for good and not e-vil. The last thing we need is a CSI episode based on a girl that checked in one too many times before checking out for good. What do we think?

Digital Dating Evolution

After all of the Facebook privacy issues, I thought Tom Anderson might have the last laugh when we all wound up back on MySpace. On a whim I even went back on to the site to check out my profile. Surprised that I remembered my login, I stumbled upon the following profile of my younger twenty-something self.



Luckily I've grown up enough to know that halloween costume profile pics outside the months of October/November are incredibly tacky. But it did get me thinking about how far we've come with flirting, dating and mating in the web 2.0 world and how the entry of each new platform follows the same trajectory that we do as we grow up and seek out potential partners. From mild flirting on Friendster that is reminiscent of highschool years to resume dating on Facebook that reminds me of the criteria I used to find a guy in my early twenties, below is a quick "e"-volution of how social media has helped us find new ways to reach out and tweet, flirt or friend someone.

First there was Friendster, or as I like to think about it, social networking training wheels where the "who's viewed my profle fetaure" let you enjoy the benefits of Match.com while tricking yourself into believing that you weren't online to date. (Sidenote: their new logo looks like a tween skater brand)



Then there was MySpace, the web site that became synonomous with the flip cam pic that later gave rise to guys with Iphones. Blame it on the bold-colored mySpace skins and the music blasting from profiles but it sort of made you feel like you were in the digital equivalent of The Hard Rock, Las Vegas partying with people you would never see again from states that don't border on any water. The anything goes attitude was kind of hot until the last guy that friended you suggested meeting in an Applebees parking lot and said he'd be the one in the blue truck blinking his headlights.

Or as I like to call it the website that established resume dating. Who needs an elaborate "about me" section when you can list your ivy league school and show off douchie pictures of yourself at friends' weddings and on adventure vacations. This site is every reason why the guy that looks great on paper can only get h*rd during episodes of Resue Me. (oh no I didn't)

AKA take a walk on the wildside. It's sort of like the sex club your German boyfriend makes you go to after 6 months of monogamous sex which you thought was good but apparently missed the mark. Here anything goes, even primal urges that force grown men to wear those protective cones you put on a dog after surgery and then Next you when you refuse to "lick your elbow" on command.


The most substanative site of all. With witty tweeps a plenty you can get to know someone based on their commentary, opinions and observations. The repartee coined as "flittering" has even been linked to the same feelings of true love. Plus its the only place where you can "follow" someone without being creepy. That is unless your twitter handle is at @jvandersloot.

We've come a long way baby!

How About We...Get a Grip

The new superficial in dating is not picking a date based on how hot the person is or on how high their earning potential might be–it’s picking someone based on where they are going to take you on your first date. This week the New York Times wrote an article about "How About We," a dating site we talked about in online meet markets a few months back, which works by giving suitors the opportunity to propose various dates with the phrase “How About We…” The text that follows generally resembles a post of the “stuff white people like” variety. For example: “How About We…search for the best Banh Mi in Brooklyn” or “drink Sangria and laugh until the sun comes up.”

Normally I support creative romanTECH endeavors but I just can't get behind a site that puts the cart before the whores (ha) emphasizing the social value of an activity over the person you're suppose to be dating. Hasn't the Bachelor taught us that the notion of the fantasy date is false–we can have the perfect setting, menu and music but still might wind up with Vienna.

As part of their first date investigation, the Times asked "How About We" to share their "date-a-base" and saw that over time in NYC you can even see specific dates trending. As if the faux hipster clip art on the site doesn’t make you feel generic enough now you can trace your date back to a New York magazine article about gourmet meatballs being "the new burger" for foodies in search of the next frontier in beef...

I’m just waiting for a rebel on the site to buck conformity with a realistic entry…you know “How About We…enjoy cheap Italian in my neighborhood and split the check if it doesn't look like you want my cannoli for dessert."

Match.com(edy)

A recent trip to San Francisco revealed a few intersting things. First, people there think eating is more important than drinking (what?) and second, the dating scene is (as my friend Stephen would put it) as sexually charged as watching two bagels rub together.

So after slugging back a few cocktails NYC style I took a close GF back to my hotel room. One thing led to another and we -- wrote her a match.com profile. After answering more than 70 questions about her education, hobbies, personality, perfect date, religion, likes and dislikes we were asked to give a 120 character headline that would appear under her name. We landed on a simple "That Girl is Poison" and thought that our work was done. Instead, we were prompted to go through a series of male clip art where she had to pick out objects and people that attracted her most.


It was sort of like some Girl Interrupted experiment where you're asked to look at ink blotches and form shapes to determine if you have psychotic tendancies. But instead, in this case, we had to look at stock imagery of poor man's Patrick Dempseys and lunatics doing sky splits where you have to question if there is a trampoline underneath them or if they are simply just airborn. But at least after an exhaustive process with so much specificity you would expect the site to spit you back some decent candidates. Instead within 24 hours her inbox was flooded with men emailing her from Shakesperian times. A quote from my favorite email: "Whilst being neither acerbic nor abrasive nor judgmental at all, I welcome the energy of a unique, confident, strong, and extremely loving woman into my life with open arms, unbiased preconceived notions, and eager excitement."

Needless to say these Match.com(edy) emails did not find their way into her heart but they did find a special place in my inbox.

Are We Dating?

In the age of information and access at our finger tips sometimes it feels like the one question that can’t be answered by a Google search is “are we dating?” My sister Marisa has always said that if you are sleeping together and eating meals together in the same week you’re dating. Though I’m obviously obsessed with this definition I feel like lines aren’t always so cut and dry.

I recently caught up with a girlfriend who is in marketing and has been hanging out with a guy who is a freelance writer. They spend a ton of time together exploring the city, taking in shows and even wound up at SXSW together because her company had extra tickets. She told me she wanted to corner him one night over drinks and lay it on the line. In an attempt to save her from herself I told her I thought he must be gay if they weren't hooking up by now although I didn't really believe it. I knew their situation was a bizarre strain of urban dating where one person leads on the other in exchange for entry into concerts/sports/drug induced festivals and other social networking opportunites.

The truth is in 2010 guys can be friends with girls without wanting to sleep with them. It’s also possible to sleep with someone and not want to date them and even be dating and not know it. Anything is possible—that is except for figuring out what the h*ll is going on.

The New Open Relationships

From Tiger's teXXXts to Jesse James' e-rotic indiscretions the current romanTECH landscape is turning me off (thougth it's obviously still turning others on :).


I used to think women that checked their BFs phones and Fbooks were psychotic, controlling and paranoid. But the other night I became one when I barked at my poor BF who was on Facebook looking at a series of pics from a group of twentysomething girls. When I asked "who are you trolling" he responded with those three little words every gal wants to hear, "my cousin Amy." Whew, I thought for now. But am I turning psychotech?

According to Retrevo a consumer electronic blog 36% of couples in a committed relationship check each others emails and phones. Though I never want to be that girl, I started talking to guy friends and girl friends to see what is normal when it comes to monitoring our significant others' technology.

While I thought the majority would think this practice was crazy a number of girls confessed that they regularly check their BFs phone and two said their guys even let them go through their call logs and texts as a sign of solidarity in their relationship. One of my best guy friends, who is dating another guy, told me recently that a paramount moment of their relationship was giving him the key...to unlock his cell phone. Apparently he has an Iphone and gave his significant other the key to unlock it so he can access movie times and download music when he isn't around. "Why not?" he asked, "the most exciting thing on my phone these days is a travelocity app."

So what do we think about these very open relationship? Is access to each others technology the ultimate sign of commitment or is keeping our partner on a short leash the same thing as treating them like a dog?

Hit or Missed Connections

It was only a matter of time until craigslist's missed connections, aka "I didn't have the balls to hit on you on the F train, but now I want to show you the F train between my legs" launched a reality TV series. LA Weekly reports that Brownstone Entertainment, in association with craigslist, is casting a new web-series featuring the stories of real craigslist postings with a focus on love, marriage, soulmates and missed connections.

Reading this article gave me a chill because long before the craigslist killer I had a creepy missed connection on craigslist. Rewind to about a year and a half ago my coffee order got mixed up with that of a handsome gent at the Starbucks on 28th and Park and he decided to pay for mine since it was technically his anyway. Feeling overly optimistic about this counter encounter, and egged on by a friend who was convinced that we may be in a Nora Ephron comedy featuring two PR girls that fumble their way through dating in NYC, I wrote a missed connection post. Within 12 hours I was confronted with a sketchy response from this dude saying that he would pay for much more than my morning beverage. Talk about a latte moving parts! He also informed me that I set up my anonymous profile not so annonymously and that I was lucky he was not a maniac because he figured out my email and within seconds had photos of me and a link to my Facebook page. Oy, potential connectors beware of missedbehaving.

I wonder if the site will be doing any integrations on "To Catch a Predator?"