The Best of Techromance in 2011

2011 has been a hell of year for Techromance! From American Psycho-esque emails circulating on the web, to depressing divorces where twitter handles are part of the collateral damage--here is a round up of the hottest Techromance moments of the year.

1. BEST HASTAG: #ThingslongerthanKimsmarriage
You can't talk about the past year without talking about Kim's FairyFAIL wedding. Within hours of the announcement Twitter's trending hashtag #Thingslongerthankimsmarriage allowed all of us to join in on the cyber-trashing.  Here is a gallery of some of the funniest ones from the Gloss

2. DOUCHIEST EMAIL: Banker goes Ballistic for a Second Date
At a time when the entire world had reached a boiling point with privilege and entitlement, an investment banker sent a pompous email to a girl after being rejected for a second date. His self-important, bullying tone captures everything wrong with the 1% and becomes living proof that women still dump men with money in NYC. Win!

3. MOST PUNABLE MOMENT: Weinergate
Last June Anthony Weiner was not the first politician to be caught in a sex(ting) scandal, but he was the first politician with the name Weiner to be caught in a sex(ting) scandal. The results: internet hilarity + a moment for politicians to rethink their twitter literacy.

4. MOST INSPIRING MOMENT: Gay Marriage Passes in NY, Joy + Wedding Photos Follow
July 24th, 2011 was the first day that same sex couple could get married in NY and waves of happiness reverberated on the web. My favorite moments were happy Facebook statuses from friends sharing that their decade long relationships were now legally recognized, along with beautiful photos of couples making the traditional wedding ceremony their own. Here is a full gallery of nuptials curated by the Huffington Post and check out these two foxes below!

John and Lou in Beirut, 1952, and in 2006. (Photo: Courtesy of Lou Halsey and John Morgan) via NYMag

John and Lou in Beirut, 1952, and in 2006.

(Photo: Courtesy of Lou Halsey and John Morgan) via NYMag

            

5. HOTTEST NEWCOMER: Google+
Though it's a social network, not a dating site, every time a girl asks me where she can go to meet guys outside of the usual dating sites, I exclaim Google+. With a gender split of 70% male to 30% female, Google+ is where the boys are on the web. Ps: That's Pete Cashmore, CEO and founder of Mashable for anyone who is wondering.

6. MOST PUBLICLY (DEPRESSING) DISPLAY OF AFFECTION: @mrskutcher

Was anyone surprised when Demi and her man-cub Ashton Kutcher split this year? Hell no. But what we weren't prepared for was how she held on to the relationship via Twitter. Just 3 weeks ago she shared a tweet so tender and honest, I almost stopped wanting to call her out for those ridiculously air brushed Ann Taylor ads.

As for what's come in the new year? I vote people under 35 will spend less time on Facebook and we will see a Law and Order episode based on a crime committed via Foursquare. No one ever said I was an optimist! What do you all predict?

Thanks for reading and for a fun year! May your holiday be filled with lots of love and new gadgets!

Truth and Lies Online

My new web hero is Justin Barber, a student at Savannah College of Art and Design. He unleashed a series of posters titled Truth and Lies that capture the paradox of what we say vs what we actually think in modern times. From Facebook tagging to telling people we'll brb even when we have no intention of returning to the conversation, the posters highlight how technology makes it easier than ever to lie especially when someone is pushing our buttons, so to speak. Love this guy!

Bridezillas on Facebook

It's wedding season and I'm pretty sure I have received more wedding invites and save the dates in the mail this summer than Chinese take out menus. That being said, I'm in full support of toasting the happy couples especially since that now extends to all of my gay friends in NYC.

Now it's always been typical for brides to get a bit carried away with their weddings--but with Facebook and social media at their fingertips there seems to be a new frontier for over sharing, counting down and "gently" reminding guests to book hotel rooms. But these Bridezillas 2.0 aren't the only ones in need of wedding netiquette--grooms and guests could also use some guidance. So what are the rules for tying the knot in a digital era? The line between tasteful and tacky can be subjective, but I've taken a stab at some "I Dos and Don'ts" based on observations from the past 11 weddings I've attended. What do you think?

For Brides and Grooms:

For Guests:

Awesome Parenting on Facebook

If this is what being a good parent means, I should definitely start making some babies. Thank you Digg community for showing us that there is a time and place for bullying and exists on your child's newsfeed when they are being an a$$hole themself.

The Positive Facebook Effect

This week All Facebook.com and Online Dating University released an infographic to sort out all the ways that Facebook affects personal relationships. The full data visualization is on Mashable, but the portion that focuses on romantic relationships can be seen below. While I appreciate the efforts, I have to be honest, it's a bit of downer, focusing more on the negative aspects like jealousy, public humiliation and stalking exes. 

Now you know that I'm no Suzy Sunshine, but what about all the positive things Facebook does for your romantic life? Consider this spin backlash to the Facebook backlash or blame it on one of my fave bloggers Jen Kirsch of BlondeBronzedTwentySomething for starting a string on twitter to celebrate how you know when a guy is into you--but today I am inspired to write about the positive aspects of Facebook. In addition to giving us the ability to flirt with multiple prospects and fact check people we meet on dating sites it can even show us if a guy really "likes" us. How, you ask? Just read between the lines:

1. He writes on your friends' walls for their birthdays

2. He Facebook chats you the moment you log on

3. He tags himself in your photo albums 

4. He tags you in his Facebook places updates

5. He defriends his ex in a show of solidarity

6. He makes the two of you his profile picture

7. He writes overly optimistic status updates after your dates (ex: "never noticed how beautiful the NYC skyline is at dusk" or "Does anyone else love that Raise Your Glass song?")

8. His mom friends you (see MILFS - Moms I Like to Facebook)

Cloud Girlfriends Take Douche Bagery Up a Notch

In case you haven't heard there is a new dating site for men that takes douche bagery to the next level. It's called Cloud Girlfriend and it encourages guys to flaunt fake relationships online. The idea started as a service for men that would create fake Facebook girlfriends to make other women in their social network jealous by writing on their walls, linking to them and crafting witty status updates about their "life" together. The founder, David Fuhriman, said he was desperate inspired to create the service after the realization that all a guy needs to get a girlfriends is to already have one. And here I thought all a guy needed to get a girl was a bank account and the ability to act out Jon Mayer songs under the blankets.

In any event, while it was in beta last month, 85,000 guys registered for a Fakebook Facebook girlfriend and had their digital dreams shattered when Facebook lawyers came after them because fake profiles are not allowed on the site. Now Cloud Girlfriends are living on their own URL and the site resembles something more like second life than social networking.

Although it made the users sound like ass hats I kind of liked the Can't By Me Love 2.0 version better where guys could BYOGF for the sake of looking popular. The new iteration just sounds like something Japanese men might do with a pillow. Dear guys, it's time to get your head out of the clouds and your a$$! No one would believe you are actually dating Cindy Mancini.

Is Social Media a Loop Hole for Cheating?

While technology is often the catalyst that helps bring two people together, it can also be the thing that can ultimately tear them apart. Now we've all heard horror stories of techromance gone bad. Finding disturbing pornography on a significant other's computer, discovering an account they use to troll Craigslist for encounters in airport bathrooms and of course the email hack where you find out they boned their college sweetheart at the wedding where they were conveniently invited without a date. But there is also a more subtle form of cheating that can take place online--one that is almost more disturbing because it is less defined and harder to navigate. It happens in the form of comments, messages and tweets exchanged, a kind of digital flirting that creates a sense of intimacy that is questionable for someone in a relationship.




Photo via TechCunch and @adanzis

 

A Facebook study by the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers found 80 percent of divorce attorneys say they have seen an increase in the number of cases using social networking evidence during the past five years. Licensed psychologists, Steven Kimmons, PhD, of Loyola University shares the following: "We are coming across it more and more. One spouse connects online with someone they knew from high school. The person is emotionally available and they start communicating through Facebook. Within a short amount of time, the sharing of personal stories can lead to a deepened sense of intimacy, which in turn points the couple to get in contact." 

On twitter I see the worlds of tweeting and flirting colliding more every day. There is even a word for it called flittering and some users will go as far as warning against this kind of behavior in their twitter bio.

These anecdotes and examples lead me to the question of the hour: is it still cheating if the relationship only exists on Facebook, Twitter or another social networking site? To get my head around this loaded topic I reached out to Meryl Cooper, a wise friend and author of Be Your Own Best Publicist. I figured if anyone could bring social clarity to a subjective situation it would be her. During a train ride conversation we talked about the difference between fantasy and reality and she shared the following: "You are dealing with edited images of people that go way beyond photos. People manufacture their images online so it's easy to fall prey. But recognize it's likely more of a fantasy, you aren't seeing any warts. It's the same reason you fall in love with Jake Ryan or other charming figures. They key is to draw the line for yourself. If you feel uneasy about it or would hide it from your partner you probably ventured into dangerous territory."

Maybe there is just something about technology and sex that is almost impossible to separate. But where does that lead us? My advice: keep your online "friends" close but you significant other closer.

A Life on Facebook

At its worst life on Facebook can feel like you are competing for "ratings" in a reality show that you have constructed to represent your life. At its best it can be the most accurate account of our existence.

Supporting the latter is an amazing video edited to "Paint it Black" chronicling a man's life listed as Alex Droner. Between logging on to Facebook for the very first time to the final day he "logs off" -- he cycles through almost every romanTECH rite of passage: the first relationship status change, the first time he was tagged an incriminating photo, his first break up and eventually uploaded photos from his wedding and family life.




Although this account is poignant and pretty amazing, is following someone's Facebook stream really an accurate portrayal of their life? My first inclination was no, with the obvious arguement behind it, we are more than the content we share through our social media channels. But after further examination and scrutinizing the streams of my network (including my own newsfeed) I changed my answer.

Here's why: it's not only relationship declarations and vacation photos that reveal the stories of our lives--sometimes you need to read between the status updates. Recently I observed the newsfeed of a friend I've known for years but hadn't talked to directly. She was sharing quotes on personal strength and the path to happiness, when I clicked on her photos, results from a phenomenal weight loss were revealed. Another example: I looked through photo albums of a guy friend and could see a girl I never met in and out of his pictures for the past 24 months. Starting on his arm at a wedding in 2009, dropping out of photos for a while, reappearing on a trip to Europe, dropping out again and than surfacing in an album from this New Years Eve. My read between the status assement? It's complicated, although people only use that button as a joke these days.

Text Me If It's Good

Posted by Brian Martin
When I was in college and through my early twenties my least favorite saying was “text me it it’s good.” We all had that friend, and if you’re reading this now and think you didn’t have that friend –it’s you.
I thought my days of being the Lewis & Clark for social toe dippers were over until my boyfriend and I decided to host a New Years Eve party on the roof of our building overlooking downtown SF. The problem was the roof fit 50 people max. Now, that may not seem like that big of a problem but go ahead and count up your friends who would rather go to a house party than paying 100 dollars to listen to a Black Eyed Peas song at some bar they could normally get into for free. Go ahead…I’ll wait. More than you thought?

We put together a guest list, which I’ll admit was much easier with Facebook invite. We quickly realized we couldn’t invite everyone and knew that making the event “public” could hurt friends in two ways: 1. making the event public and appearing on their newsfeed letting them know one of their close friends had just RSVPd to an event they didn’t get invited to 2. a more catty but still valid dis – letting people who were invited check out the list and see you were not on it. So in an attempt to do the right thing, we closed the guest list…and all hell broke lose.

First it was the passive aggressive comments on the event page “I don’t know if I can go if I can’t see the guest list” or “My how exclusive,” each one smoothed over with a lol, smiley face or extended hahaha’s. Then people started calling us to say “Ok I get why you did it, but really, why can’t you just let me see.” It didn’t bother me at first because I felt I understood. I mean it’s New Years Eve, single girls wanted to know if single guys would be there, single gays wanted to know if attractive guys would be there and couples wanted to know there’d be a cheese plate. But as the comments piled up and I found myself deflecting them left and right, I began to blame…technology. If this were seven years before and I had just called people to let them know or sent them an email this would never have been an issue.

Now, when we get to view not only who is attending, who is not and those awful maybe people, we also get to see their latest five photos, where they work, where they went to school and that they’re a fan “It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia.” This lead me to blame the Facebook invite for creating the ultimate “text me if it’s good.” And now my party was the unknown terrain to be tested by the socially brave or less discriminatory. Was I not enough? Did my friends need more than to see my boyfriend’s name and me on the invitation to be enticed?

If they didn’t want to come they didn’t have to. It turned out fine, better than fine actually. Everyone came and we packed the roof, it didn’t rain and all was merry. But as I reflect on this blog post I have to close with the admission of my one hypocrisy.

I always click “attending” when I get an invite to celebrate a colleagues birthday with a happy hour at a Mexican restaurant across town or an invitation to a karaoke bar to raise money for someone’s run or bike or swim to find a cure for something. But when that date nears I find myself, without any guilt, checking whose “attending” before I decide to go. I don’t mean any harm by it, it’s just a luxury of technology and more simply, it’s just the way it is now.

Social Media Leads to Sex

Today in statements of the obvious: Matt Lauer is casually hot. It's snowing in NYC, oh and social media leads to sex. I love the following quote from the Men's Fitness study released this week: "Nearly four out of five women and three out of five men say they believe texting, Facebook and other social networking tools cause couples to jump into bed faster." It kind of reminds me of the awesome video of Brian Williams making fun of the New York Times story Discovering Brooklyn "Open air markets like Chippewa posts. Young men and women wearing ironic glasses. Artisinal cheeses for sale...on the street!"

The idea that technology gets you laid certainly isn't breaking news for the techromance audience. Technology moves at lightning speed, putting the world (of dating) at our fingertips and giving suitors a more efficient means of getting ROI on their efforts. Just think of the effort it takes to call someone and set up a date -- getting up the balls, figuring out what you are going to say, doing it, then following through on the plan. Or you can group text 3 people you are "talking to" simultaneously and see who's up for a night cap at your place after you've combed through the bar for potential prospects and landed on nada after seeing them with the ugly lights on. Please note: Nada is NOT a hot exchange student.

That being said there are some "findings" in the study that are paricularly amusing -- see my notes alongside of them in red.

1. Texting is the No. 1 way lovers stay in touch, the survey found, with men texting 39 per cent more often than phoning and women 150 per cent more. (Women somehow think that by texting they are adhereing to the age old rule that they shouldn't call a guy...newsflash ladies, texting is the new calling)

2. Even before the magic begins, 70 per cent of women and 63 per cent of men use Google and other online tools to screen potential dates. (Males are inferior to females because there is a higher percentage that cannot work the internet)

3. Once the relationship clicks, 72 per cent of women report scouring a current partner’s ex-girlfriends’ Facebook pages. (Scouring should be replaced with saving the image to her desktop and circulating it to her friends on email and asking "is she hotter than me?")

That's all folks. I know it's technically TechBromance month but I just couldn't shut up about this one.

The Top 10 Techromance Moments of 2010

In 2010 it felt like techromance errupted like a an oil rig in the Gulf Coast and spilled out everywhere even landing on the big screen as Jesse Eisenberg played out the wicked "E"dentity of Mark Zuckerberg in the Social Network. Some moments we were ready for and some we may never be. To recap, below is a countdown of the top 10 most memorable moments in techromance this year.

10. Brett Favre's Ball Pass - Okay I know it's hard to believe that a professional athlete and overall good guy could get so raunchy via technology right? Especially directed toward a hot, scantily clad brunette with hair extensions and too much lipliner. If you missed the full story just rewind to 2009, insert Favre and Jenn Sterger for Tiger Woods and Rachel Uchitel and upgrade the technology from texts to video.

9. Netflix Scorned Lover's Hack - I love web trolls. Especially when they are smart enough to hack into the Netflix account of their unfaithful partners and scare them straight by ordering months full of psycho-dramas delivered to their door. Afterall, there's nothing like watching Richard Gere smash that hot French guy's face in with a snow globe to inspire chastity.

8. Facebook Faceoff: Catfish & Social Network - Nothing made me happier than seeing these two techromance tales play out on the big screen. Their presence elevated the importance of social networks -- showing how life online can effect the real thing and that no matter how desperate you are to attract "friends" there are really only a few you'll ever get to poke. And fewer than that if you continue to wear a GAP sweatshirt.

7. The Rise & Fall of ChatRoulette - Like all great Russian things, ChatRoulette had an epic rise and a tragic fall. At first it seemed like a brilliant idea -- the perfect antedote to the overly sanitized rules of Facebook -- that is until the only people that were attracted to the site were the ones seeking unsanitzed rules and roaming their basements in white tshirt, no underwear.

6. Iphone 4 G-rated Video Chats - You gotta love the innocence of Apple, they are all cute French songs in their commercials and even pick racially unidentifiable actors to shill their products. That's why when they promoted their video chat feature on the Iphone 4 as a way for hipster girls to show off their new pixie shags to their Williamsburg boyfriends instead of admitting the feature would be more likely to show videos of people shagging themselves, I didn't even roll my eyes.

5. Ashton's Kutcher's Cheating Tweeting Heart - The only thing more anoying than watching Ashton oaf around in those obnoxious trailers with Natalie Portman is listening to him drone on about how much he loves Demi Moore on twitter. Especially when they come days after he's been caught with his hands all over some waitress's ass at an LA coke den. Apparently "what happens in Vegas" winds up on the cover of Star magazine and 140 characters isn't enough to cover up your own when you're boning a woman that looks like your wife 20 years ago.

4. OK Cupid Stats in the City - In a smart and hilarious marketing move, the dating website OK Cupid launched OK Trends--a blog that shares insights from the data they collect from their user base. Funny stats like "people are 20% poorer and 2 inches shorter than they say they are" reminded us that maybe there is a reason why we don't want to hold up a mirror to our digital dating self.

3. Charles Manson's Cell Phone in His Cell - Earlier this winter Charles Manson was busted for sneaking a cell phone into his prison cell and using it to place calls and texts. Though this was his most minor offense to date there is something particularly disturbing about finding a phone in the cell of a person who is notorious for mind-manipulation and convincing people to kill other people. Almost as creepifying were stats released from the prison stating that his phone was one of 8,675 cell phones confiscated in California prisons this year.

2. Getting Checked Out & Checked In - The adoption of FourSqaure this year helped take stalking to a new level. Serving as a polar opposite strategy to HTG (hard to get) this technology made coincidental run-ins a little more common and turned people on to our daily rituals, sometimes provoking unflattering questions like "how is her ass that big if she checks in to the gym everyday?"

1. Douche Duke University PowerPoint Scandal - In May of 2010 Karen Owen's infamous presentation, "An Education Beyond the Classroom: Excelling in the Realm of Horizontal Academics" hit the internet disturbing upper middle class prudes everywhere. With whor-ifying stories about making out with multiple guys in one night, leaving a period stain on a random dude's sheets and stealing belongings as hook up souvenirs, she showed America that you too can get a degree from Duke, even if you get by on Fs.

Thanks for reading guys! Here's to a happy and romanTECH 2011!

Put the End in FriEnd: Nov 17th is Unfriend Day

This Thursday, November 17th marks the first ever Unfriend Day, according to Jimmy Kimmel--the day where we allegedly declare that all this social networking is notworking to improve the status of our relationships.

Last week we talked about exing Exes and how deleting them from our Facebook pages can be an empowering and reasonable move. But do we really have the balls to delete "friends" just because they send us virtual livestock and spam us with emails begging us to "like" companies and products we've never heard of? I don't. But I predict that others will.

According to social network theorists no one person can manage more than 50 relationships. So what does that mean for people managing 1000+ friendships? It means they can forget who people are and why they are important. Just the other day one of my friends told me that she got a message from a guy asking her how she was doing and when she was coming back east for a visit. She told me she couldn't even place him untill she saw that I was their common link and realized that during a weekend visit to NYC she let him feel her up in a drunken cab home.

Then today I talked, actually tweeted, with two insightful friends on the matter. One said his filter would be that he has to have met people in real life in order to accept their requests online and that he would use twitter for "digital friends" and Facebook for all things personal. Did I mention he and I never met? (Note to self: don't friend him). The other commented that he had the urge to purge and was only going to use Facebook for close family and friends. Sounds pretty reasonable to me. That is, as long as he doesn't plan on going to his hometown bar the night before Thanksgiving. He might have some explaining to do.

Unfriend Finder: Track which ex has eX'ed you

Facebook is usually a friendly place, that is until you realize you have been defriended. According to a study from University of Colorado that was published on CNET and in the New York Times the top reasons people get defriended include 1.) Updating their status with frequent and "unimportant" content and material 2.) Discussing politics and religion 3.) Posting inappropriate, crude or racists comments. Although these reasons seem relatively legit I was shocked that defriending exes didn't top the lists of reasons to break ties with someone online.
I myself was a victim about two years ago when a guy I used to date defriended me as my newsfeed filled up with photos and updates that included the new man in my life. I had no idea it even happened until I got a friend request from him this year and realized that I was actually being refriended. Luckily now, for those of us that want to keep track of our online frenemies, Unfriend Finder has launched--a Facebook App that let's you monitor the ups and downs of your online relationships.

Although this app is kind of a riot, I would go as far to say that defriending probably has more effect on the person initiating it than the one recieving it. Isn't the act really an exercise in passive aggressive behavior, that allows scorned lovers to salvage a sense of control by "eXing" you out of their lives? Afterall, what could be more empowering than giving your ex a virtual F you--especially if they won't notice it for a year and a half?

WTF: Woman Marries Herself

I have heard of self love but never enough to make someone actually walk down the aisle...with themself (though a few guys I have dated could definitely be candidates for it).

Today Metro UK, an online news site, reported that Chen Wei-Yih, a 30 year old woman in Taiwan will marry herself. She has rented a banquet, hired a wedding planner and has even posted pre-wedding pictures in her $5675 dollar wedding dress to her Facebook page. And then had to face up to 1800 comments from people asking what she was doing.


So what's the back story? Like many 30 year old women, Chen was catching heat for her single status from family and friends. But instead of rushing down the aisle with a guy she was lukewarm about she decided to marry someone she really loves--herself. When asked about her bold decision, she has told reporters the following "It's not that I'm anti-marriage. I just hope that I can express a different idea within the bounds of a tradition." Her quote actually sounds pretty enlightened. Well at least she won't catch any sh*t for wearing white! Seriously though, what do we think? Is marrying yourself an I "do" or "don't?"

Facebook's Douchie Roots

Considering the douchie behavior that takes place on Facebook, I guess I shouldn't have been that surprised by the douchie behavior that inspired and surrounded its creation.

Of course some elements of the Social Network were embellished, like how hot the crowd was at the Phoenix social club parties. But the truthful accounts pulled from The Accidental Billionaires were enough to make me want to delete my own Facebook profile and flee to MySpace -- a site where no one cares where you went to college as long as one of your profile pictures shows you in fishnet stockings.

The first horifying fact in The Social Network was that the precursor to Facebook was FaceMash.com, a site where guys could rank girls at Harvard in a hot or not fashion -- a last minute adjustment to Zuckerberg's original idea which was to compare them to farm animals. The second being that the beefy Doublemint, Winklevoss twins that conceived the "original" idea of Facebook, really wanted to create a social networking site called the Harvard Connection--an online version of the pretentious social clubs that help these guys rest on their ivy league laurels to get laid. Unfortunately although Facebook has evolved, some of these douchie principles still apply. For example: if you go to a top college you are some how more boneable to the rest of the dating world.

My favorite internet scholar and girl-crush Danah Boyd does a brainy job talking about how class divides play out in social networks saying that the ivy league roots of Facebook create an online class divide. She argues that in addition to the invite-only beginnings of the site even the aesthetic appeals more to a "straight-laced" college bound type with MySpace being a place where artistic, Goth and offbeat young people might flock -- and I don't think she could be more spot on. Facebook stresses what we are, not who we are and leads with where we work, what school we went to and who we know. Kind of like a bad date that starts like an interview.

Memories Offline

This week I am leaving my day job after almost 8 great years! Among my most grueling tasks has been packing up my office after roughly 1800 days of work -- a number that makes 500 Days of Summer, look like a drop in the bucket.

Among the dried up markers and pay stubs was a paper trail of memories dating back to 2002. In each drawer and cabinet are relics that document the last 8 years of my life. Among the most valuable items were: a birthday card from a friend that has since passed away, a photo of me and Anna Nicole Smith from Fashion Week when she was promoting TrimSpa, an apology note from the first guy who broke my heart, a train pass from Montclair from when I couldn't afford NYC rent and a business card from a cutie I met the night my best friend came out to me on the roof of the Gansevoort Hotel.


Although I love tweets, texts, chats, BBMs, wall posts and FourSquare check-ins these communications are forever fleeting and can make the past seem to completely disappear from our newsfeeds, inboxes and eventually our lives. Just think of the birthday wishes we receive on our Facebook walls. After just a few days those heartfelt messages are buried beneath updates on where we ate lunch and what we think of that evenings' Dancing With the Stars performance. The lack of permanence creates an emphasis on the here and now with less thought left for the where we have been.

As we all continue to move as fast as a status update, I hope we do not become a world ridden with NOstalgia -- a place that is less humble, where people forget their history and are less thankful for the journey that took them to their final destination.

Right now my last 8 years barely fits into 6 large cardboard boxes -- and I hope in the next 8 years I only accumulate more baggage. Even if that makes packing up a total b*tch.

The Real Hook in Catfish

Right now everyone is asking the wrong question about Catfish. Instead of asking if the story in Catfish is "real" people should be asking how real their own friends are on Facebook. Warning: although this post will spoil the plot of the film, the plot is so not the most important part.

Catfish chronicles Naive, Nev, a handsome photographer who innocently meets an eight year old girl on Facebook who paints renderings of his photography and posts them online. Before he knows it this talented "young girl" from Minnesota becomes his pen pal and his newsfeed, inbox and life are taken over by messages and new relationshihps with her family and friends. The most captivating of friend requests comes from this little girl's older sister who is a veterinarian, a dancer and happens to look like a porn star (which should have been his first clue that something was Catfishy). Over a 6 month period the movie chronicles how their surrealationship is fueled by frequent IMs, texts, phone calls and other romantech stimuli. The best of which is a scene where Nev fights laughter as he shares his sex messages with his guy friends -- the awkwardness confirming a fundamental techromance commandment -- THOU SHALT NEVER READ THY SEX MESSAGES ALOUD, because phrases like "cherry pie" should only be spoken at roadside diners and in Warrant songs. I digress.

As a "hopeful romantech" Nev even crops his long distance love into one of his photos -- labeling the image Someday.jpg. This sweet and poignant act makes the second half of the movie even more sad when he goes to meet her and realizes that she is an overweight, middle aged women with two handicapped children and an active imagination.

Although this story is outrageous, the craziest part to think about is how much dishonesty we all encounter everyday on Facebook, and how many subtle lies we have even told. From only posting pictures where we look H.O.T. to adding pretentious book titles to our "favorites" section -- the truth is our e-denties are more of a projection of who we want to be rather than a reflection of who we are. By putting our best face forward on social networking sites it's easy to attract and be attracted, creating a false and prolonged "honeymoon phase" where potential mates will never sees our flaws or baggage. People don't list possesive in their bio section, show photos from when they are sick or write status updates about their financial woes. Cause if they did, know one would want to be their "friend."

Facing Up to Your Break Up On (Facebook)

Break ups are a bitch. From reclaiming your box of miscellaneous items from an ex's apartment to having to sample the white bean hummus alone at Trader Joe's -- it can be depressing. Add Facebook into the mix and it can be downright humiliating.

Unlike deleting a phone number in your cell phone, Facebook deletes and defriends are permanent. Plus you have an added audience of 500+ "friends" watching your newsfeed so word of your break up will travel faster than an STD moving from Pauly D to Angelina to the Situation.

Today a friend of mine filled me in on her recent break up and asked me to lend some "techs"pertise from my own dating disasters. Let me know if anyone has anything else to add!

1. Now that you are single, wait to mingle. Okay well wait at least 48 hours. Throwing single up too quickly can make you look desperate. If you need to act immediately the most dignified approach is to hide your status and then change it to single in a few days.

2. Bury your past. You can't untag yourself out of your own life, but if you were in a relationship for more than 6 months in your late twenties and early thirties you likely have photo albums with a minimum of: one vacation together, a birthday party at a dive bar in the east village and a destination wedding where you were forced to wear leis but couldn't wear shoes during the ceremony. Instead of deleting these albums take new photos that showcase your new single life. Make sure your new albums include fun titles like "Hollahween!" but nothing too obvious like "All the Single Ladies."

3. FB is for f*ck buddy. Enjoy the new ASSets of Facebook like Facebook Places and Friend Finder to get in touch with potential flames. Just don't start Fbook chatting someone you haven't talked to since an emotional over share in Peer Counseling your junior year of highschool.

4. Don't be a status seeker. Quoting Tori Amos or Death Cab for Cutie lyrics on your status updates is depressing. Step away from Lyrics.com and take a digital vacation from Fbook. This way you'll send the message that you have better things to do then obsess over Facebook (even if it isn't true).

Jerk Alert: Guys Masturbate to Your Facebook Pictures

About a year ago I read an article about a website in France that featured uploaded photos of cute real girls on the streets of Paris. No photoshopping, no styling, no airbrushing, just fresh faces and natural photography. I remember smiling and thinking guys must be desentisized to the overly sexualized, perfected, Heidi Montagaloid versions of women that the media and porn industries promote.

But after last weekend I witnessed this trend take a creepy twist as two guys admitted that they acually use Facebook profiles as masturbation material. At an impromptu bar crawl with an extended group of friends one of them professed he would rather go home and "j*rk off to Facebook" then "buy some girl drinks and hope for a number at the end of the night." In disbelief that this could actually happen I texted another guy friend and he confirmed that his old roomate would say he had a "Facebook date" at least once a week. Those dates would start with him blasting music and closing his bedroom door.

As if women don't deal with enough jerks on Facebook already! Guys, don't let the "F" in Facebook confuse you.

Location Based Stalking: Foursquare is Creepy

Facebook stalking is so common now a days, that I actually think its offensive if someone takes you out without doing some online research. Its kind of like going into a job interview and asking the employer to tell you about the company.
But the social media world can also go too far when it takes the information that is at our finger tips and lets us use it to put people under our thumbs. A good friend was at the beach in LBI two weekends ago and was uploading photos and commenting about the fun he was having. Fastforward 3 hours later and he gets a text from a girl he has been casually seeing asking him what he was doing. He responded that he was down at LBI and she commented back "OMG me too!"Coincidence? He thinks not. FourSquare, the mobile GPS that lets you check in to locations is also propelling this trend. A good girlfriend recently checked into a bar and was shocked when an ex walked in shortly thereafter. He said he was in the neighborhood, saw she was there and wanted to say hi. That night she earned the socially awkward badge.

I hate to be a romanTECH pessimists but according to the New York Observer's report on research released this week from Forester 80%of Foursquare users are educated white males -- wait isn't that the same profile as a serial killer? Ok I am praying that people continue to use this technology for good and not e-vil. The last thing we need is a CSI episode based on a girl that checked in one too many times before checking out for good. What do we think?