Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Are We Dating?

In the age of information and access at our finger tips sometimes it feels like the one question that can’t be answered by a Google search is “are we dating?” My sister Marisa has always said that if you are sleeping together and eating meals together in the same week you’re dating. Though I’m obviously obsessed with this definition I feel like lines aren’t always so cut and dry.

I recently caught up with a girlfriend who is in marketing and has been hanging out with a guy who is a freelance writer. They spend a ton of time together exploring the city, taking in shows and even wound up at SXSW together because her company had extra tickets. She told me she wanted to corner him one night over drinks and lay it on the line. In an attempt to save her from herself I told her I thought he must be gay if they weren't hooking up by now although I didn't really believe it. I knew their situation was a bizarre strain of urban dating where one person leads on the other in exchange for entry into concerts/sports/drug induced festivals and other social networking opportunites.

The truth is in 2010 guys can be friends with girls without wanting to sleep with them. It’s also possible to sleep with someone and not want to date them and even be dating and not know it. Anything is possible—that is except for figuring out what the h*ll is going on.

8 comments:

  1. I can't wait to read your book.

    Will you sign a copy for me?

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  2. Z unit, we've come a long way. remember when we got in that nasto fight with that kid jeremy and his d-bag friends on here and when i almost got abducted from craigslist missed connections????

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  3. Jewels, I am going to let you and every other girl in on a little secret. Guys are not friends with any girl that they wouldn't be willing to sleep with. That's not to imply that men and women can't be friends (the age old question first posed to us in "When Harry met Sally"), but given the opportunity a man will sleep with his supposed friend without even the slighest hesitation. So if your friend isn't getting any loving then I am sorry to say this d-bag is just using her. Either that or he's completely clueless and fears rejection.

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  4. Anonymous, thank you for your honesty. Perhaps she should try faking an orgasm during a meal to get his reaction??!

    Seriously though you think we are still bound to the conventional rules that we can't be friends with the opposite sex without wanting some?

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  5. Not at all Jewels. But male/ female friendships harbor some type of underlying sexual attraction. Whether we want to admit it or not, its that's attraction that at least in part established the basis for that friendship in the first place. By default that means that any guy friend that you have Jewels thinks you're hot. I can guarantee you that if you were to proposition one of those friends before the sentnce is even completely out of your mouth his clothes would be in a pile in the corner and he'd be asking if you prefer the top or the bottom. The excuse of "I don't want to ruin the friendship by doing something we might regret" doesn't apply for men. So if your girlfriend has put out the appropriate signals and this guy hasn't taken the bait, she's wasting her time.


    "women have male friends, guys have girls we just haven't fu**'d yet." - Chris Rock

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  6. Whoever you are, you are hilarious. Let me know if you're interested in a guest post. I like your style.

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  7. J,
    I love all your posts but its all just boils down to labels, how to find them, force them, or define them. I guess we want the definition so we can know if we need to move on or stay... not really defined as to why...lol!

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  8. hey shorty, thanks for the comment. I think you make an excellent point! You are right, the "what are we" conversation is really just translation for do you ultimately see me as BF or GF material?

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