Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Facing Up to Your Break Up On (Facebook)

Break ups are a bitch. From reclaiming your box of miscellaneous items from an ex's apartment to having to sample the white bean hummus alone at Trader Joe's -- it can be depressing. Add Facebook into the mix and it can be downright humiliating.

Unlike deleting a phone number in your cell phone, Facebook deletes and defriends are permanent. Plus you have an added audience of 500+ "friends" watching your newsfeed so word of your break up will travel faster than an STD moving from Pauly D to Angelina to the Situation.

Today a friend of mine filled me in on her recent break up and asked me to lend some "techs"pertise from my own dating disasters. Let me know if anyone has anything else to add!

1. Now that you are single, wait to mingle. Okay well wait at least 48 hours. Throwing single up too quickly can make you look desperate. If you need to act immediately the most dignified approach is to hide your status and then change it to single in a few days.

2. Bury your past. You can't untag yourself out of your own life, but if you were in a relationship for more than 6 months in your late twenties and early thirties you likely have photo albums with a minimum of: one vacation together, a birthday party at a dive bar in the east village and a destination wedding where you were forced to wear leis but couldn't wear shoes during the ceremony. Instead of deleting these albums take new photos that showcase your new single life. Make sure your new albums include fun titles like "Hollahween!" but nothing too obvious like "All the Single Ladies."

3. FB is for f*ck buddy. Enjoy the new ASSets of Facebook like Facebook Places and Friend Finder to get in touch with potential flames. Just don't start Fbook chatting someone you haven't talked to since an emotional over share in Peer Counseling your junior year of highschool.

4. Don't be a status seeker. Quoting Tori Amos or Death Cab for Cutie lyrics on your status updates is depressing. Step away from and take a digital vacation from Fbook. This way you'll send the message that you have better things to do then obsess over Facebook (even if it isn't true).


  1. This is all so true! My only thing is wait more than 24 hrs. I know some of my girls can't but its pretty lame. I just changed my status from single and my bf still hasn't and I asked him and he said he will if i want and I don't care, I looked at his frnds and nearly everyone on there knows... Such a huge deal, really weird.
    (love your twit)

  2. Thanks for the comment and for reading. Changing Fbook status is a BFD (big facebook deal)! I changed mine once and had to take it down, it was major drama. We were even linked to each other. It broke my heart....I even blogged about it (see a Hopeful Romantech from May of 2009).

    Hang in there and if he doesn't do it you could always change yours to "It's Complicated" -- purely to embarass him. xo

  3. Wouldn't it be better to have no status at all? Much less of a hassle that way.

  4. Parker, we've missed you!

    It is easier to have no status (so to speak) though if you can believe it one of my d-bag guy friends once claimed that he put his status as "in a relationship" to make other girls jealous. he's a jerk, but I could def see it working. xo

  5. And I have missed you Jewels. Looks like a lot of good has to happened to you recently. Congrats!

    That is pretty douchy of the guy, but what can you expect when you lack confidence.

    I know a few girls that are "married" to each other regardless of their hetero status. They say it makes everything easier. I tend to agree.

  6. I like when girls do that! It shows they aren't taking themselves too seriously.

    Stop by more often.