Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Post Card from the Edge

The other night I came home from a late dinner with some girlfriends and found the following postcard above the mailboxes in my lobby. I can't remember the last time I sent or received a postcard but there was something sweet in this analog mess that fascinated me--maybe because it reads like a drunken text.

I've probably read it a hundred times but cannot, for the life of me, figure out WTF Schmoops is talking about. Since I live in Murray Hill I'm guessing the "to Schmoops" and "love Schmoops" references a pair of twenty-something single female friends. But as for the rest of it, perhaps I should start drinking shots of 151 until it makes sense. Does anyone else have a clue? Leave me your hypothesis in the comments and I will reward the best conspiracy with a fun Techromance swag bag in time for the holidays.

Let me know!



  1. I am can't decipher this but my favorite line is "I deserve another 1/2 b/c he was super dark. My first."

    There are so many things that could mean...

  2. A good detective here. Where did the postcard come from? From the looks of it this schmoops is somewhere having sex with a half black guy - her first

  3. This is one for Sherlock Holmes of the twentysomethings, given the Dominican Republic Post Card (spring break? paper stolen from the hotel?)

    My inclination is that 1/2 refers to some sort of money sum that was split between Schmoops and her ex-boy toy. Once they settled the "assets" post-breakup, Schmoops 1 is telling Schmoops 2 that she deserved the whole enchilada because, well, ex-boy toy sucked.

    But let's be honest -- who knows what "a another" 1/2 is referring to. It's anyone's guess....

  4. I live for all three of you -- these are AH-mazing...I think we are piecing it together.

  5. Having lived on the UES for some time, and having spent many a druken night in the local bars chatting up girls that just graduated college and were in their prime drinking stages of life, I speak "drunk twenty somthing recent college grad" fluently. Allow me to shed some light.

    The sender is choosing to reply via postcard from the Dominican Republic to a text message that she got from her friend a day or two before while she was in the middle of a marathon fuck fest with some Dominican guy (her first) that was hung like a rhino. Her inital response to to the text was something like "can't talk right now. in the middle of a boink fest. need to take a 1/2 hr break before i pass out. will send a you a postcard tomorrow," Well she got her 1/2 hour, but def. needed another 1/2 because this guy was blazing quite a trail.


  6. Bahaha! I think we need to go into business and launch an Iphone app called Slur that translates drunk bar talk....